All they heard was singing...

“O Lord… we don’t know what to do, but our eyes are on you.”

The day started out just like any other day. I kissed my better half goodbye, took my son to the park where we chased birds and practiced walking down stairs, his nap time came, he woke up and out of the blue came yet again, symptoms of another UTI. I instantly feel MISERABLE. (If you're a male and get all weird about stuff, stop reading.)

For about 4 years now, I've gotten UTI's pretty regularly. I couldn't tell you how many I've had. I just know that they've made my life hell! (peeing blood, razor blades slicing the vag kind of hell, trips to the ER late at night kind of hell. You get the idea.) They creep up like a freight train unexpectedly. They are painful and I feel hopeless when I get them. Today my OB saw me without an appointment asap and got me into her office along with my tears and pain. I was a hot mess. I got a shot of antibiotics and I'm feeling much better. When will the madness end though? My mother in law says to me today, "You've got to be so sick of this!"

I am. I take antibiotic after antibiotic (which I hate doing), I drink cranberry juice so strong and gross that it should come with a chaser, I take probiotics, I drink ass loads of water, I don't take baths, I have tried everything you're thinking of (switching lube, switching "rain coats", standing on my head, drinking pickle juice....all of it!) If you have an idea I haven't thought of, please send it my way! The cranberry juice is from trader Joe's. It looks like blood. It's the grossest juice on the planet. It's thick and bitter...I want to throw up just thinking of it.

(this is not a dramatization, I really make these faces when I drink it. This is no joke.)

My Dr. asked me to go see her Urologist a few months ago because she's afraid that since the antibiotics aren't making the UTI'S go away, she wants to see what the hell is going on in there. We're going on FOUR years of UTI's and I've been stubborn to not go to the urologist. She gave me this advice 2 UTI's ago. So I'm going. I give up trying to be a tough guy about it. I need answers.

I just feel utterly defeated and annoyed. I hate being sick. The pain is horrendous.

But thank God for good friends who answer the phone when I call crying and blubbering. I feel so blessed beyond measure. Vicki told me today to get in the word (not that the bible is a magic pill), but that Jesus will meet me there...and during her prayer she said something that had me thinking for the rest of the day. She said, "In her sickness and pain, may she not sin." So I started thinking, What would I do to cure myself and make it all better? What would I do besides going to God with my troubles and asking for healing, comfort, peace & rest? How could I sin. When I'm having a bad day, what do I do to make it better?

I usually don't go right to God with my troubles. Instead of choosing to find my peace in Jesus, I tend to try everything else first. I actually do this without even thinking of doing it. Shopping usually takes my troubles away or makes me forget for a time. Opening the fridge and scarfing down some yummy treats makes me feel better, but then makes me fat, so that's not the answer. Turning on some mind numbing reality TV for an hour and pushing my problems further helps me ignore God, but Jersey Shore only lasts so long and then It's over. (I'm not saying TV or food or Jersey Shore are bad things, I'm just saying that medicating myself using these things is not wise, and I do that very thing at times instead of going straight to the source to heal me.)

So I realized, man, I do that. She's totally right. She didn't realize she had just convicted me of it, but she did. When I'm sad, sick, lonely, confused, anxious, worried.... I eat, I sit, I'm lazy, I read stupid magazines. I do everything I can think of to do, rather than simply coming to Jesus with my issues. I avoid him at all cost sometimes until he makes me turn my face to him.

I read this blog yesterday and the writer totally spoke to me. I so needed to hear what she had to say. (Please read this blog. It will make your day. I promise.) By the end of the post, I was a bowl of mush. I began to pray and praise God. I felt like my hands were up and I was ready to surrender. I was ready to accept the grace being given to me. (Grace- the free and unmerited favor of God, as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowal of blessings.)

Grace means to get things from God that you don't deserve. I've been exploring what Grace means for about a year now. I'm still trying to grasp it's meaning. Knowing that I don't have to DO anything to win God's favor but simply seeing Jesus in me pleases him. Accepting grace takes a lot of the "work" out of my faith. I want to dig deeper into this later, I have many thoughts on the blog that I read as well that I want to share, for now, I want to thank Vicki for speaking truth over me when I felt completely alone and defeated and for Sarah for loving this blog post as much as I did and for worshiping the king with me that day.

In my sickness I did not sin.

I did not run from Him.

I did not watch Jersey Shore re-runs back to back...

Weekend In Photos:

This happened:

And This:

(apparently, he doesn't like my blue berry pancakes. Rude.)

I wore one of mom's pretties (I love this orange silk dress. It's so comfy!) to a birthday party where Conrad ran around with lots of little guys his age and had a blast. Dustin stayed home and enjoyed an afternoon of silence. I came home from the party and was surprised with my favorite dessert, Creme brulee. He really sealed the deal by making it for me when we were dating. So good.

That man knows.

Our babysitter canceled Saturday, so we stayed home, had some wine, listened to this band, lit some candles, I sat on the counter and talked to Dustin while he cooked and it was a really restful evening. I offered to be his sou chef, but we tear each others heads off when we cook together. Or rather, I get in his way and he tears my heat off and I pout for the remainder of the evening. So, I just sit and sip my wine and tell him how hot he looks when he's cooking and every one's happy! I love these kind of date nights.

I walked in on snuggle fest 2010:

Last night I came into Conrad's room to join in on story time. I sat down on the floor of his room and laid my head on Dustin's shoulder. When Conrad realized I was laying there, he starts crying and hitting me. Dustin noticed what was going on and instead of saying something like, "It's OK, Mommy can read too! Don't cry!" He says,

"Babe, you're cramping our style....."

I get up, leave the room, and the crying stops. When the weekends come, the kid seriously doesn't know I exist, and If I start to exist, he just wants me to go away.... It's all good. I get it. Weekends are special because Dad's home. I actually find his reaction sort of endearing.

I also got to run with 10 fabulous ladies Saturday morning. I'm hoping these Saturday runs become a regular thing. There's something really special about woman getting together (and dumping our kids with the husbands!!). Running and spending time together really ministers to me a lot. We had a really wonderful weekend.

Weekly Surf:

IF my son looked like this, I would still love him,

potato shaped head and all!

{Why is photo booth so much fun?!}

Weekly Surf:

I've been trying to figure out how to do this hair style on myself

great ways to display family photos

turquoise floors & turquoise walls to drool over

The 1st year we were dating, Dustin nursed me back to health when I was sick by

cooking me chicken noodle soup with fresh noodles that he made himself.

It was SO good! This alligator noodle soup has inspired me to do the same

for Conrad one day!

I Love love love this tattoo & this tattoo

(It's hard to come up with unique tattoos. I'm really obsessed with the second one actually.

There's something sweet about having your baby's name on your arm. I love that!)

An adorable video of an adorable baby bump

I signed up for my 3rd half marathon

(It's on my B-Day! Yippee! Girls weekend here we come!!!!)

How stinking cute are these?!

A beautiful baby boy: Holden Grey

next time you get invited to a mustache party, go all out.

Yep, we're an attractive bunch with our double chins!
Have a wonderful weekend.

Don't Mess With Texas

Dustin & I are going in 2 weeks for his 3rd interview.

Playing the waiting game has been the WORST part of it all. We're both kind of exhausted wrestling with the "What If's" and "When's" and the financial crap. I hate the maybe. I hate not knowing. Dustin hasn't signed up for fall classes because he's waiting to know if we're staying or going. I'm happy to know that IF we did move to TEXAS, I'd still be flying home a few times (Sept, Oct, & Nov) to work. Imagining all of the flying and trying to pack and unpack and then the holidays come! EEEKK!

 I'm just not going to get ahead of myself because we still have NO IDEA what the future holds. We're taking rest in the Lord and not getting anxious about the things that are unseen, but putting our hope in Jesus and his flawless plan for our lives. 1 Timothy 4:10 For to this end we toil and strive, we have our hope set on the living God, who is the Savior of all people, especially of those who believe. I've been meditating on this verse this week. I'll keep you posted. This should be interesting.

We're still talking about when to give Conrad a sibling... I was telling my Mom that we've just got SO many bills, and SO many thousands of dollars in student loans, and SO many hospital bills (I cried on the phone this week to Jerrod, the guy whose been haggling me to pay my hospital bills for months... "But Jerrod, I HAD insurance and I WAS covered, and it's not MY fault that the insurance company went under and won't pay the tab!"... It's a long story, I'll go off if I don't stop! Anyway. Jerrod is helping me figure out what to do now with these Dr's bills. He was a very patient guy on the phone especially since my baby was screaming and punching me in the tits while I was speaking to him. Conrad gets very jealous when I'm on the phone.) So yeah, adding one more person to the crew seems crazy, but my Mom was very optimistic about it all. She was like, "What are you going to do, wait until everything is paid off? You'll never have another baby!" She's right.

 You just make it work and you trust God and don't put your trust in money. Money comes and goes. Money shouldn't decide my attitude. I shouldn't give my circumstances that much credit. I HATE how money has the power to make people feel "secure", and how desperate and hopeless you can feel when you don't have it.

A few GOOD things happened this week: I rear ended a very sweet girl getting onto the freeway & she was VERY forgiving about it. She told me she was on her way to the bridal convention, I gave her my info and I might have a potential client out of the whole sha-bang! {pun intended}. 

It ended with a hug, so I think we're good.

I suffered for 2 1/2 days with a broke ass eye ball (I get eye abrasions really easily that have caused me to go to the emergency room & have caused me to wear some funky-funky eye patches on THREE different occasions. The last occasion, when Conrad tore a chunk of cornea out of my eye resulted in me trying to "walk it off" while shaking from the pain being completely intolerable, and calling my mother in law at 3am to take my sorry injured ass to the ER. Yep, my boy sure knows how to scratch fools eyes out.) I have been told eye injuries are comparable to child birth. I believe it!) Anyway. The eye heals easy and since this time, it didn't heal very easy, I made a phone call to my friend Kacie, whose dad's name is Conrad, and he hooked me up. He saw me the very same day and I gave him payment in beer and hugs!  Seeing a doctor for free is SUCH a blessing. I really appreciated his free expertise.

I'm I the ONLY Mom who flips out on other drivers with my kid in the car? I feel like I am, God forgive me! Yesterday, while pulling out of a parking spot, two different cars were inching their way around me making it impossible to maneuver my way out. Why can't people just wait? Can't we all just be patient and wait for others to pull out before we get right in their business to get a parking spot? So I stopped honked at both of them, made eye contact and made sure they knew they were being rude. I'm sure that even though two windshields were separating us, they got the point! They could read my lips. I was not justified in cursing and yelling at them, especially when they can see my very-impressionable baby in the back seat, but I did anyway like a damn heathen. What is wrong with me! That makes me feel even worse. So my point is, just wait! Showing courtesy can make all of the difference in a persons day. (I guess showing tolerance can also make all of the difference too. Damn it, I suck!) 

{If you haven't fallen asleep or if you've stayed to read this
whole jumble of randomness, I'm impressed.}

Besties:

The kids spent the morning playing and enjoying (not one but two) Popsicles each...

They danced around during Yo Gabba Gabba, which was cute to see. 

Avery gave kisses (and then I turned into a puddle on the floor....how sweet is she!), Conrad got fat (refer to photo below), and at the end of the morning, the kids were both pretty fussy and needed a nap! It's nice to have friends with kids (who will someday get married!), Ahem, I mean, It's nice to have friends with kids that play together so well! Wink wink!

See how they share!

Cheese!

Fussy pants:

Weekend In Photos:

Conrad feeding uncle Vinni some breakfast:

                    My bro & I                                          My Mom, brother and Conrad

Conrad & his nana at the splash pad.

Lunch with Aaron & Jeremiah was a blast. I love to hear what Jesus is doing in their lives.

It's been neat to watch our relationships with Aaron & his wife (morgan) flourish, even if we live in different states. The roots have grown deep and God has been good to us in giving us such amazing friends in them.

That little elbow dimple makes me smile.

Conrad and his cool uncle Ethan jumping on the trampoline (Isn't Dustin's brother adorable?)

Ice cream sandwich for dinner? Why not! 

Us.

The dudes watching some TV....Ignoring my existence. Don't mind me. 

Getting woken up with a kiss is never a bad thing. 

San Diego Half Marathon:

Pictured below L to R

{Jessica, Natalie, Amber, Amy, Chelsea, & Candice.}

Last weekend I ran my second half marathon. When people ask me how I did or how my race was, I feel like when I try to explain my, "out of body experiences in running" I start to freak people out. I think the other girls share this same love as well. Like seriously, I'm obsessed with the feeling of running alongside 8,000 other people. I couldn't get my feet to stop during the race even if I wanted to. I had more fun during this run than I ever have and I beat my last marathon time by 20 minutes?! What-the-what?! TWENTY minutes?! Dude, That's what I said!

Usually when we train, I like to take breaks (because I'm lazy, or tired, or bored...) but I can't remember stopping once the entire time. I slowed down to grab water but I was so pumped and was having so much fun, I didn't want to stop. These big races are so much fun because when you grab your water, you drink it and just throw it to the ground, so as you're running, you're stomping over hundreds of paper cups and water's going everywhere. You feel like such a friggin' rock star. It's so much fun.

We got to the drop off spot and were standing there talking and stretching before the race started. I was talking to Candice and Amy, and typical me starts blubbering and crying. I'm all, "I love you guys! What if this is the last race we ever do because I move, I couldn't have done this without you!....." So I'm balling and they're hugging me and this girl comes up behind us and says, "DO YOU GUYS HAVE A TAMPON!" To which we all start laughing... (I also cried in the bus sitting next to Candice looking back at the journey that brought me here, and the fact that these girls birthed such a great love for running in me. I wouldn't have started doing this without them.) She says she didn't know I was crying, but I know she's just trying to protect my pride so I don't feel like such a marshmallow.... I feel sorry for them, really I do. I get so emotional over races and when we have really good runs. (The first time I finished an 8 mile workout, the three of them were cradling me in their arms because I'm such a baby. It's quite embarrassing.) Every accomplishment is so big when It comes to running.

High lights of my race: I ran with Amy (passin' fools and weaving between people) for about the first 2 miles. I had a few cramps but worked through them. We started near the ocean and ran up hill for a while which was such a trip for me because all you see are bodies in front of you going up this hill. It's a sea of people all running, no spaces hardly, just a street full of people. I was so in awe of it, I stopped to video tape how cool it looked to see everyone, but there's too much fog in the way, so you can't get the real idea of how crazy it was as I looked up that hill.

I got into my groove at about mile 4 and from then on, I kept looking down at my watch, and at my pace and was like, WHOA, I'm actually maintaining my time and staying consistent! I remember thinking to myself when I was feeling so proud of my pace, "This is exactly why I got up at 4am to run."

Mile 1:

We ran through some neighborhoods where people were sitting in lawn chairs waving, clapping, smiling at us, high fiving us and had signs telling us to "DIG DEEP!", while they all sipped their coffee. I guess it would be a sight to see 8,000 people running past your front door! Having complete strangers cheer you on and saying "Keep going, you've got this!" was a really neat feeling.

Side note: A little boy had written in chalk on the street where we were running "I love you Mommy, love Lou." (Lou is Conrad's nickname. We call him Lou probably everyday. It's short for Bubba-lou-lou's....anyway) I thought it was a sweet gift of encouragement, even if it wasn't intended specifically for me. God is so sweet to me. I also saw a lady with a shaved head whose shirt read "Cancer can kiss my ass!" I lost it, I'll admit. Seeing her was a really sweet moment for me especially because I used Bobbie as my inspiration to train and used a lot of my running time to cover her in prayer. This race was definitely dedicated to Bobbie.

Mile 7 came and I couldn't believe it. It all went by so fast.

I saw Dustin with Conrad in the Bjorn next to Candice's husband cheering us on at mile 10. I ran up and kissed both of them, he snapped a few pictures and as I ran past them, I was thinking, there is NO way they're going to see me finish. The kiss was good enough though. I was really sad at mile 10 because I knew it was almost over.

I was running and as the course looped around, I see Amy in her neon green tank and we both started waving at each other and jumping up and down. That was a fun moment.

The last 2 miles were all up hill. Right when I turned the corner and saw that hill, I changed my ipod to get me pumped up, and tore that hill a new one. It seemed like people just stopped dead in their tracks at the hill. It wasn't easy, but it was NOTHING compared to the hills we ran at Red Rock.

The finish was one of the most awesome feelings of my life. Tons of people lined up on each side screaming and cheering you on. I looked over and saw Candice and her husband cheering for me. I ran so hard. I seriously had SO much fun. My body felt great, the weather was INCREDIBLE (compared to our 100+ degree weather we trained in) I wasn't aching, I wasn't tired, I just loved every minute of it. I kept thanking God for running during the race and kept trying not to cry. God, I'm pathetic.

I feel like everyone should train and run a half at least once in their lives. It's so rewarding.

So I texted the running buddies yesterday about the rock and roll half in L.A. on Oct 24Th and I think we're all in...... These marathons are addicting! (We could all get our triple crown! 3 half marathons in a year!!)

Thanks for all of your support guys. It's so fun to share these memories with you.

Weekly Surf:

A game of peek-a-boo in the curtains makes me smile from ear to ear....

Oh, how I love this little man. He takes my breath away.

Weekly Surf:

The mommy's out there need to watch this beautiful video

seeing people in love always makes me smile

a cute baby varsity jacket for your teeny-tiny quarter back!

joy x3 is oh, sooo sweet!

18 lessons from 18 years of marriage

{such great advice. Thank you Matt Hudgins}

I want to snuggle up and sleep in this bed of ruffles

I probably listened to this song 4 times or more during my race.

{I'm OB-Sessed with this band right now!}

kitchen shelving lust

This photo leaves a lump in my throat. I can't get over him. I can't get over that God gave me this baby to love. What a gift. The gift of motherhood has been a running theme in my heart lately. I feel like I'm going through new and exciting seasons with him. Watching him grow and watching his eyes pop open wide at the world, seeing his wonder at it all, makes me

fall more in love.

Have a great Thursday dolls. I will be parking my butt in front of my tv with Dustin watching Vampire Diaries tonight! So excited! Thursdays are the best!

In the afternoon between lunch & dinner

we have a snack. 

Today, we watched Conrad's favorite show while we had our snack. He danced around on the couch and sang along to the songs. He made sure to put his snack in both of his hands and also in his mouth. He grabbed a heaping handful of it and stuffed his face with it. He offered some to me, I declined. Really, deep down I knew he was just being polite but was hoping to have it all to himself. Which he did. He squished it, crinkled it, pulled it apart, and smelled it. 

He didn't stop eating his snack until the container was completely empty. Then he shamelessly licked the inside, just in case there were any salty-delicious tidbits left at the bottom of the container. 

Sometimes when I'm enjoying a bag of spicy lime Cheetos, I too want to fill both hands with my Cheetos (for safe keeping), and lick the inside of the bag. I too make that same confused, sad face when it's all gone. I feel your pain buddy. But trust me, there's more sea weed snack where that came from.

Mommy will hook you up.

Here he is dancing to his favorite show. 

{it gets good right around the 1 minute mark.}