Monday, August 30

All they heard was singing...

“O Lord… we don’t know what to do, but our eyes are on you.”

The day started out just like any other day. I kissed my better half goodbye, took my son to the park where we chased birds and practiced walking down stairs, his nap time came, he woke up and out of the blue came yet again, symptoms of another UTI. I instantly feel MISERABLE. (If you're a male and get all weird about stuff, stop reading.)

For about 4 years now, I've gotten UTI's pretty regularly. I couldn't tell you how many I've had. I just know that they've made my life hell! (peeing blood, razor blades slicing the vag kind of hell, trips to the ER late at night kind of hell. You get the idea.) They creep up like a freight train unexpectedly. They are painful and I feel hopeless when I get them. Today my OB saw me without an appointment asap and got me into her office along with my tears and pain. I was a hot mess. I got a shot of antibiotics and I'm feeling much better. When will the madness end though? My mother in law says to me today, "You've got to be so sick of this!"

I am. I take antibiotic after antibiotic (which I hate doing), I drink cranberry juice so strong and gross that it should come with a chaser, I take probiotics, I drink ass loads of water, I don't take baths, I have tried everything you're thinking of (switching lube, switching "rain coats", standing on my head, drinking pickle juice....all of it!) If you have an idea I haven't thought of, please send it my way! The cranberry juice is from trader Joe's. It looks like blood. It's the grossest juice on the planet. It's thick and bitter...I want to throw up just thinking of it.
(this is not a dramatization, I really make these faces when I drink it. This is no joke.)

My Dr. asked me to go see her Urologist a few months ago because she's afraid that since the antibiotics aren't making the UTI'S go away, she wants to see what the hell is going on in there. We're going on FOUR years of UTI's and I've been stubborn to not go to the urologist. She gave me this advice 2 UTI's ago. So I'm going. I give up trying to be a tough guy about it. I need answers.

I just feel utterly defeated and annoyed. I hate being sick. The pain is horrendous.

But thank God for good friends who answer the phone when I call crying and blubbering. I feel so blessed beyond measure. Vicki told me today to get in the word (not that the bible is a magic pill), but that Jesus will meet me there...and during her prayer she said something that had me thinking for the rest of the day. She said, "In her sickness and pain, may she not sin." So I started thinking, What would I do to cure myself and make it all better? What would I do besides going to God with my troubles and asking for healing, comfort, peace & rest? How could I sin. When I'm having a bad day, what do I do to make it better?

I usually don't go right to God with my troubles. Instead of choosing to find my peace in Jesus, I tend to try everything else first. I actually do this without even thinking of doing it. Shopping usually takes my troubles away or makes me forget for a time. Opening the fridge and scarfing down some yummy treats makes me feel better, but then makes me fat, so that's not the answer. Turning on some mind numbing reality TV for an hour and pushing my problems further helps me ignore God, but Jersey Shore only lasts so long and then It's over. (I'm not saying TV or food or Jersey Shore are bad things, I'm just saying that medicating myself using these things is not wise, and I do that very thing at times instead of going straight to the source to heal me.)

So I realized, man, I do that. She's totally right. She didn't realize she had just convicted me of it, but she did. When I'm sad, sick, lonely, confused, anxious, worried.... I eat, I sit, I'm lazy, I read stupid magazines. I do everything I can think of to do, rather than simply coming to Jesus with my issues. I avoid him at all cost sometimes until he makes me turn my face to him.

I read this blog yesterday and the writer totally spoke to me. I so needed to hear what she had to say. (Please read this blog. It will make your day. I promise.) By the end of the post, I was a bowl of mush. I began to pray and praise God. I felt like my hands were up and I was ready to surrender. I was ready to accept the grace being given to me. (Grace- the free and unmerited favor of God, as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowal of blessings.)

Grace means to get things from God that you don't deserve. I've been exploring what Grace means for about a year now. I'm still trying to grasp it's meaning. Knowing that I don't have to DO anything to win God's favor but simply seeing Jesus in me pleases him. Accepting grace takes a lot of the "work" out of my faith. I want to dig deeper into this later, I have many thoughts on the blog that I read as well that I want to share, for now, I want to thank Vicki for speaking truth over me when I felt completely alone and defeated and for Sarah for loving this blog post as much as I did and for worshiping the king with me that day.

In my sickness I did not sin.
I did not run from Him.
I did not watch Jersey Shore re-runs back to back...


  1. oh hun, again you made me cringe for you and laugh. Im sorry, Iv only had one and it was awful! bless you, I pray for your healing!

  2. Pure cranberry juice is the worst... Ugh! I hope you feel better soon!

  3. I'm so sorry. UTI's are the worse! I've actually been hospitalized once b/c the pain was so bad. Now I take cranberry capsules daily - they helped me much more than the juice.

    Speaking of that wretched juice. I had a girlfriend who gave up drinking wine but she missed having a bitter drink in the evenings, so now she pours herself a wineglass full of "hard cran"! Maybe drinking it from a wineglass will help it go down!

  4. Oh no! Sorry to hear about the painful UTI's. I had a slight one once and even that was enough to leave me crying in the bathroom for half the day. They're horrible. Is there any way you can take the cranberry juice in pill form? Reading that made me want to gag too! Poor chicka. Hoping for a quick recovery.

  5. I didn't see you mention going pee after "the deed." that's what adivce mom gave me when I was getting them often! Hope you feel better! :)

  6. The worst. Mine havent been THAT bad but I can only imagine. We actually have the same cranberry juice and it is soooo strong. I make Joel cut it with some tonic water or 7-UP. Which means I maybe have to drink 2 glasses, but its actually kind of pleasant that way.

    Loved the post you linked. Inspirational. And I am pretty sure I saw this same flemish painting in an exhibit here at the Portland Museum of Art. I remember that it peaked my interest enough to try and figure out what was occurring in the painting. I recognized it immediately when I saw it on your post. Crazy.

  7. i love you, chelsea! this post reminded me of the talk we had together when we worked a pool party forever ago. you're just plain awesome, lady <3

  8. Thank you. This post hits home for me... I really need to sit back and look at my behavior when I'm feeling down.

    UTIs are the WORST. I've had 3 in 2 years, and two of them were almost back-to-back... they are pain like no other. I can walk into the doctor's office and basically self-diagnosis.

  9. so I know this might be tmi for you or readers seeing as how you don't know me, and I basically have been stalking your blog for the past few weeks during sleepless nights of breasfeeding and insomnia but I have dealt with UTI's since I was about 9 or 10. I am like a magnet for them. I just get them very easily, and I have tried everything to not get them and to get rid of them. I also think I get them in part due to my genetics, bladder and kidney problems run in my family. I have had kidney stones and kidney infections (due to not getting treatment for my uti) as well. I can tell you that some people are just prone to getting them, it can run in your genes, things like drinking too much apple or orange juice or soda can cause them, having sex...the list goes on. Maybe since your doctor knows about them you could ask her about a standing prescription that you could get filled at the first sign of infection?

  10. Jennifer. Thanks for your comment. I never thought of it as being a "genetic" thing. The funny thing is that while I was pregnant, I NEVER got them! I want to ask my Dr. what the correlation between pregnancy and during that time, what was going on in my body that kept them at bay. We'll see.

    I was really against going to the Dr. (the urologist) to dig deeper into the problem at first. I just thought I'd drink the cranberry juice til my teeth were stained red, and take probiotics etc, but since those things aren't helping, we're going the medical expertise route.

    Thanks for your advice! I was JUST thinking yesterday about the nights before we had Conrad sleeping through the night, months 0-4. Those were hard nights. You never knew what time you'd be going to sleep for the night. Hang in there girl! And congrats on your sweet baby!

  11. Love you friend! It was good to talk yesterday- I am so glad that in the midst of hard crap you are seeing God more clearly and experiencing the grace of the wondrous cross in your life. PTL

  12. Hey sorry you have to deal with this! They do make cranberry pills that you can swallow and there is also an over-the-counter drug called AZO, it's this orange pill that turns your pee neon orange but take the pain ALL away! I ALWAYS have it on in my purse on hand...cause I come down with them super suddenly and often as well. Like, I'll wake up fine, and 2 hours later pee pure blood.

    I empathize!!

    One thing to ask the Urologist...have they done a full culture every time you've had one? I was having them so often and finally the doc realized the cultures were showing hardly anything even though the quick in-office test showed an infection. The autoimmune disorder called IC (interstitial Cystitis). I have it, and it is manageable and there is treatment.

    I hope you find some answers!
    P.S. Thank you for your constant testimony of is inspiring, thank you for sharing it!