Wednesday, April 25

Comparison Is The Thief Of Joy.

So we are on day 5 of our 40 day "Drink nothing but water/decaffeinated teas" fast and it has been incredibly awesome so far (I realize that I am only on day five but whatever, I'm excited about it.)  No morning coffee, late night decaf coffee, no glass of wine together after the kids are in bed, just water and tea. In my entire 12 years of knowing Jesus, I have never really fasted from something unbegrudgingly. I've always pissed and moaned about going a day without food or giving up internet or sweets. Fasting has always been hard for me, even though I know how great it is and the great benefits of denying one's self those pleasures. This time though, when we prayed about what to give up and for how long, we both felt strongly about it and were totally on board with the fast. I've had such a sense of clarity, haven't had caffeine withdrawal head aches, haven't even craved it or wanted to cheat and brew a cup. (It's not like I drank a pot a day, just to clarify. I usually had just a cup, but still, I really looked forward to my hot cup of creamy delicious coffee and the yummy coffee smell in my kitchen.) Plus, I feel like my skin is clearer. Yay for clear skin!

We've also had some serious break-throughs in our relationship lately. It seems like almost every few months, the Lord does something big in our lives to wake us up, so to speak and the last few weeks have been big for us. We've had lots of nights spent talking and dreaming and drawing close to God. I love those talks. I love when you look at the clock and it's 2am and you're bursting at the seams with excitement for the next chapter in life. Although those talks are often-times painful-the result is tenderness restored to our marriage. God doesn't allow our hearts to beat-calloused and bruised, and that's what I love about Him. Apart from this truth, our love would die. This, I am fully aware and sure of.

For a while there, it seemed as if both of us were kind of watching life happen all around us and not exactly living as we could be. A lot of that had to do with the discontentment in our hearts. Not being content (I've talked about this before) and we were really struggling with this current season in our lives. Dustin still finishing up his masters, me at home all day with two tiny people and also trying to find my way in the birth community here in Vegas as a doula/birth photographer (knowing that the Lord has these ladies mentoring me and taking me under their wings is a great gift and privilege.) I have to be joyful in where I am. Somehow in the midst of this life of ours, we were feeling like we were two passing ships in the night, both exasperated and overwhelmed with our responsibilities and jobs. Marriage isn't meant to be lived how we were living, and things had to change. This seems to be the theme for us. Our marriage is always having to change from what it is into something deeper where God can break us, make us give up ourselves and our pleasures to have more joy, to love each other more and to know God more. And without these late nights-rebuilding the brokenness in our hearts, confessing our imperfections and faults, our marriage without Jesus would greatly suffer. We would simply be two tired, busted up, low budget, second rate, ships passing in the night.

Through it all, we are learning to be patient with where God has us and to look at life with a grateful attitude.
1. Conrad kisses
2. Baby girl, happy after nap
3. Me & Elle watching brother's swim lesson
4. Shot of Dustin during the kids nightly bath
5. C & E having a laundry basket ride
6. Elle's first splash pad experience (She was smiling at G-ma Denise.)
7. Conrad getting his swim on
8-9. Playing with Dad after he got back from a 7 day work trip. 

{Hope you're having a wonderful week lovelies.} 


  1. thank you so much for your transparency. it is so freeing! and the title of this post is so amazing. i needed to read that tonight! you are a blessing! :) lora

  2. oh my GOSH that little naked peanut!!! I LOVE HER!!! Gosh darn it I love her. And that BIG boy you have for a son! WOW. Love you girl.

  3. Beautiful post. I just wrote about comparison too. Gorgeous pics!

  4. ummm...that b&w photo of Dustin with those babies. SO GOOD! love it, frame it, keep it forever.

    and this was a beautiful post. so much i can relate to.

  5. I tried to leave a comment yesterday, but my phone was being all sorts if difficult, sorry it this is a repeat though!

    I'm glad the fast is going well for you! I think that's awesome you & Dustin are doing it together...what a great support team you two are. And your marriage inspires me and reminds me to put extra effort into making ours thrive instead of just survive. :)

    Oh and those photos. You have such a beautiful family. The first one, of you and Conrad, is beyond precious. (love your hair too!) and then the ones of C & E on their Daddy hack home fr business is adooooorable! xo