Tuesday, March 20

Who Made The Clouds?

With Elliotte in my sling, one hand under her bottom giving her more support, and a crayoned rainbow art project in that same hand, sandwiched between two fingers- Conrad's tiny hand in the other of mine holding tightly with intention we walked out of the rec. center that day. We put his work of art in the car, locked it and made our way across the street where other kids were playing on the play equipment.

I ask him how class went today. I ask him what friends he talked to. I ask what he played with.

Class was good.
Mrs. Joyce was nice.
I talked to them guys. 
I played with blocks.

I asked him about the rainbow he drew. I said It was pretty. I liked the colors he used.

As we talked about his class, I sipped my coffee & he climbed his way to the top of the play structure.  Elle started to protest so I fed her in the Ergo.

Conrad, with his eye on me-paying little attention to the other dozen kids climbing and playing around him, as I am his favorite play friend, shouts,
    "Sissy want boooooooob Mom? She hungry?"

He pauses to wait for my response.

         "You need to feed her Mommy!"
He is so assertive. He is so protective already of his sister.
He never stops watching what I'm doing. He's always keeping an eye on me.

I smile.
Yep, sissy is hungry.

I'm wearing a cardigan but the sun on my back is warming me up.
I take a deep breath and take another drink of my coffee.
       In my head I tell myself to remember these moments, don't just live through them, LIVE them and take a mental picture of what these days mean to you. How precious they are.

I ask him again about his rainbow.
I ask him who made the clouds.
     Who made those pretty colors.

Jesus did Mom.

Just when I start to doubt my job as a "stay at home mom" slash "work at home mom"
I get reminded that my work here in this sometimes tiny condo of ours is actually really incredible and has a great impact on this man sandwich of mine, aka, my THREE year old! What? Three? Already?

Yes, three.
   I know. It's sad isn't it. He's all growns up.

These days are fleeting and one day, I too will be sitting across from the lunch table at Panera Bread looking at my daughter in law with teary eyes, as I warn her that the day will come when i have to say goodbye to my baby birds- when they're all grown and in a whole different city and state, away at college, all too cool for me, listening to Childish Gambino and having hot girlfriends and getting really smart and skilled at unicycles and being too damn adorable for their own good..... (aka my freakishly intelligent brother in laws Cameron & Tate.)
        I love you boys. 

Can't someone just invent a pill to keep little boys from ever growing up?
         This momma's heart wouldn't hurt so bad.

He's three.
Oh. Em. Gee.
He's three. 

Someone hand me a tissue.....


  1. ahhhh yes.....this has SO been on my heart/mind lately.......all this time/energy/and LOVE LOVE LOVE for our littles, just so they grow up and leave us? it doesn't make sense.....such a painful thing to try and understand. but then i so carefully remember, they're not really mine to begin with, but the Lord's........
    little C is SO cute!!!! i can't believe he's 3!!! i love your descriptive scene at the park, it will be SO much fun for your children to reread that someday, being able to totally relive the moment from your story :)
    such a beautiful family!!!

  2. Best blog post ever! You have me crying. I so wish our little ones could stay little forever. Not super litte, like big enough to talk and walk but still want to love us and snuggle us. You're such a great mom, Chels. And your kiddos are the cutest things ever!!

  3. I think about and lament Kai growing up EVERYDAY. I get so excited for every new thing he does and figures out and then am sad when I think about how much time has flown. So little time really, but how much he has changed and how I maybe havent cherished or documented or taken each phase of it in enough. I've cherished it, but why doesnt it ever seem to be enough? Right now, I try really hard not to think about what I am missing while I am at work. I am so grateful that Joel can stay home with him and gets to spend this one on one time with our boy, because chances are, he won't have this kind of opportunity with our kids again. And I cherish that. He is an AMAZING stay at home daddy, and I don't know how many mothers would balance what he does while looking for work and the stress that puts on him. I worry about what Im missing each day. By the evening I am so tired and just want to hang out, and don't want to take pictures, and do all the things that I feel like I should be doing. I just want to hold my little boy, who usually wiggles away pretty quickly to play. Right now is crazy busy with work and photography that is supporting us and I am crazy tired and just want to be tired from taking care of our boy. But mostly am happy that we have the opportunities that we do. And think I have realized that this angst probably NEVER ends. I can't wait to see what Kai grows up to be, but I also want to prevent that from happening with all that is within me. The conflict is paralyzing.

    I can't believe Conrad is 3, were we not taking his 2 yr old photos yesterday? He is such a cutie, miss you guys.

  4. I love this post. Thanks for sharing. I am always reminding myself to "remember these moments". It makes me sad when I think of how fast time is passing us by.

    (And on a side note- how exciting is it that Julie gets to have these experiences!!!! So excited)

  5. BAH such an adorable big brother. WOW. I love how protective he is of her. LOVE IT. Oh, and I really REALLY love you.

  6. Sarah, i sometimes think that the working moms have it better than the staying home moms. It's like, Kai gets the best of both worlds, truly because he's home with his Dad (and joel is an exceptional father and husband!) and he gets mom when she's happy-even if you're tired, at the end of the day. Conrad sometimes get the short end of the stick because he gets the tired mom, the irritated mom, the frustrated mom, the mom who spends an hour just trying to get teething sister to take a morning nap while he watches his chuggington dvd- it's hard especially with two spreading myself out to both of them, and managing this home and figuring out what we're going to have for dinner.... BUT this time is special for Kai being able to be home with Dad.

    AND ALSO, i miss the heck out of you guys too. I'm hoping you'll come home for thanksgiving or something so we can have girl time.
    I LOVED conrad's 2 year pictures. You're a talented lady!

    Sending you hugs!

  7. Love you Chels! What you are doing is awesome. And who knows, by the time Kai turns 3 I could be in the exact same situation. Except.....he's 17 months, so that means that I might have to get pregnant pronto, which is not happening...yet...and some other things have to transpire....see, times sneaks by.

  8. What a sweet big brother!