Thursday, December 23

If Grace is an ocean, we're ALL sinking!

I feel fortunate to enjoy the sound of sweet baby giggles and how they're so content watching rain fall outside.
I got to spend my morning with my friend Vicki's twins (L & O)and watched these silly toddlers play on Conrad's window seat.
They brought joy to my heart.
My Dad had heart surgery on Monday and It has been amazing watching him recover, watching my parents church community rally around them and love on them. One of my mom's friends at her bible study sat with her the entire surgery (4ish hours) and another couple from their church changed two of my mom's flat tires. *My parents church also paid for their mortgage this month. My Mom called me crying and I couldn't understand what she was saying, and then after a while she calmed down and said that the church asked her to come up to their office and they gave her a check for the full amount of their mortgage. Since my Dad will be off for about 6 weeks without pay, this gift from the church is SUCH a blessing to them. I am overjoyed by how God is taking care of my parents.
My Mom has been SO strong and so THERE for my Dad. I'm so proud of both of them. Anytime someone goes in for a major surgery, the thought of death somehow seeps it's way into our minds, even if just for a single solitary moment. I shudder at the thought of having a missing puzzle piece in my life. My Dad. It's an awful though. Before his brain surgery (7 years ago) He didn't know Jesus at all. His life was unraveling at both ends. Now, watching his heart beam with joy, watching this man's life change, watching his character change, his attitude, how he loves those around him, his generosity, watching his faith grow has made me feel like a proud parent myself. It might sound silly, but I do. I feel like a proud parent. The thought of death was scarier 7 years ago. Now, It brings me comfort to know that when you look at this mans life, you see a fire in his eyes, his great love for Jesus is so evident and incredibly infectious, he's got a wisdom and vigor and joy that can't be taken away. I am so proud.
With all of the surgeries that he's had, we joke that he's the bionic man or something. I am also proud of my Mom and her great faithfulness to her husband during this time. We were joking yesterday on the phone that it's a lot easier to be there for someone when you're mentally THERE and sober. Not on drugs that numb your mind and heart to push out any thought of death or sickness. Not abusing alcohol which only pushes others away. She's THERE. She's doing it! She's taking care of business. I made sure to tell her what a good wife she's being right now and how happy I am that she's relying on the Lord for her strength and not anything else that this world has to offer.
I love how the Lord has continued to show up and lavish his love on us. He's always faithful, even when we are not. I love that his love doesn't change and there is nothing I can do to make him love me more or less. My sin, my past is at the bottom of the sea floor in his mind. My faults are no more. My failures, my insecurities, when I'm impatient with Conrad, or quick to anger with my husband, His graces is sufficient in my daily downfalls. There is much security in knowing that His love isn't based upon my performance. Maybe he's been trying to drill this truth into my heart for a while now, but sometimes it's hard to receive grace because I'm not used to sitting back and enjoying his love. I'm used too working for people affections. I already have all of his adoration and affection. He's pleased with me. Even subconsciously, we do this. We are programed to think we have to work for his Love or do this or that for him to be pleased with us. This is such a lie and I'm guilty for accepting the lie and not accepting his grace. Just like in marriage, Dustin doesn't love me more when I'm the super-wife or super-mom. God has been pressing so much into my heart lately about what grace means. For a long time now, I keep going back to this word. Grace. I feel incredibly fortunate right now. I don't need or want anything for Christmas. I've been given more than I can handle already this season. I'm overwhelmed by His love and faithfulness. I'm overwhelmed by how he loves us-Oh how he loves us!
Pretty amazing story huh?
&
Kim Walker is also sort of a total bad ass.
(I might be mildly obsessed with her songs.)

7 comments:

  1. Just said a little prayer for your Dad and the rest of your family. This post made me tear up a bit, I understand what you mean when you say that your Dad's surgery 7 years ago was more scary in a way. Praise God for the way he's blessed your family :)

    Merry Christmas to you, little Chelsea! I'm so glad I found your blog this year-- it's one of my faves.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I love that song, and I love God's heart for us! Grace is such a thing that I don't think can ever be fully grasped until we see Jesus face to face BUT I am SO grateful He shows it to us anyway. Beautiful.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Praying for your dad my friend.

    ReplyDelete
  4. i've never seen the full version of john's video before! now it's on repeat, thanks to you. i also have a hard time accepting grace without having to perform. you took the words right out of my mouth. praying for your dad this christmas. xo!

    ReplyDelete
  5. i'm so thankful for the way God brings encouragement into my life when i most need it. and i'm so thankful for my blog and how it has allowed me to meet such amazing women.

    that songs brings tears to my eyes!

    i'll be praying for your family <3

    ReplyDelete
  6. the body of Christ is an amazing beautiful thing! thank God for all the blessings surrounding you and your parents during this time.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I LOVE this song. We sing it in often in church and it always fills my heart to overflowing

    ReplyDelete