Joy.

Conrad and his friends feeding the ducks makes me smile. Spending time with my dear friend Vicki, her encouraging words, prayers and love make me smile too. I am thankful for her faithful friendship.

 That's what makes me smile. It makes these hard days easier. 

 Not sure what the puckered lip face is all about, but it's darn cute.

 Pretty brown eyes:

 She has one of the prettiest smiles ever: 

The kids seemed more interested in eating the bread 

and trying to jump into the pond than feeding them. 

 A bite for me, a bite for the ducks!

"Out of the depths, I cry to you, O Lord; O Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy. If you, O Lord kept a record of sins, who would stand? But with you there is forgiveness, therefore you are feared. I wait for the lord, my souls waits, and in his word I put my hope. My soul waits for the lord more than watchmen wait for the morning. O Israel, put your hope in the Lord for with the Lord is unfailing love and with him is full redemption."
 Psalm 130

I'm holding onto this scripture today. I'm not sure If I'm simply mourning, of if I'm falling back into another bout of depression. The anxiety has at time been completely encompassing. The panic attacks and difficulty to breathe have been hard to work through. There is a lot going on right now other than mourning a death of a woman who felt more like family than a friend. I feel really confident in my God right now as I go through this valley though. He has shown me so much love and been so faithful to me. I've had some incredible times of worship with Him these last few days, but even in those times with Jesus, I'm still bursting in tears and feeling like I'm barely hanging on, I know He's holding me tightly. I feel like He's been attentive to my cry. He's been close to me and has given me joy through my mourning. He's put people around me to pray with me on the phone when I cannot pray and don't have the words. I am waiting upon Him and he is taking me through this pain ever so faithfully and mightily.

 I am more than thankful for you Vicki, who reminded me yesterday that our God is a healer and that no medicine can take the place of what my Jesus can do in me. I am so grateful that you reminded me to get in the word and spend time with God. Nothing satisfies like He does. I need to give myself time to go through this process of grief. If I medicate myself and force myself NOT to FEEL these feelings, God will eventually force me to face them and heal at some point or another, so I might as well face them now, no matter how painful they may be.

{Thanks for listening friends. Your stories and advice have comforted me.}