Tuesday, August 3

"Japanese ladies eat sushi all day long and their kids grow up to be scientists!"

The first 3 photos were "pre-daddy-getting home" photos. 
My son apparently hates his mother... 
OR, he's ignoring me and watching Signing Time
OR, he got his first goose egg on his forehead from running too fast, falling, and is ignoring me
....watching Signing Time.
OR I just took his Binky away (so we could have just ONE photo with out it for god sakes!)

Either way, I think it's rude that he's the happiest baby alive when Dad's home. 
It's like, Who wipes your butt all day? Not Daddy!

So when I was pregnant, I craved margaritas almost everyday. The limey-saltiness is what I wanted mostly NOT the tequila.....  So without giving my baby fetal alcohol syndrome (which isn't funny whatsoever....) Dustin concocted a drink to quench that craving. Ginger ale on the rocks with tons of lime! I drank it almost everyday. I insisted on sipping them with a neon bendy straw 
like a true drunken diva would! 

Ahem, my other craving was sushi. Unlike the margaritas, I was not able to find a substitute for my craving, so I indulged and didn't tell my doctor until like my last week of pregnancy. 

Every time I went to my favorite joint for my fix, to push the guilt I felt down and not feel like I was harming my baby with uber-amounts of mercury and raw deliciousness, I'd say,

"Japanese ladies eat sushi all day long and their kids grow up to be scientists!" 

 I'd high five my belly because I knew Conrad was in there high fiving me back 
and loving himself some sushi! 
Clarification for you nay-Sayers/haters of  pregnant people enjoying sushi: I ate it like five times OK. I wasn't smoking copious amounts of crack rock (I quite that months before conception...) But seriously, my doctor about beat me over the head with her stupid clip board when I shamefully confessed my nasty indulgences. So from that point on, I started to consider that what I was doing may have been pretty bad for my little Conrad.

From the day he was born, I've been obsessing and making myself crazy over what he WAS or WASN'T doing. Is he sitting up? Is he blinking enough? Why isn't he batting at that toy? Should he be waving? Why isn't he barking? I've been saying "WHAT'S THE DOG SAY?" for five months now! I'm about to lose my mind! Talk kid! Talk!  (It really doesn't help either when you read other blogs where mom's are talking about how their kid says "Grandma" at ten months old! Mom who brags about your kid, No one believes you. If your kid says grandma, call a news paper or Oprah because that shits crazy and you need to get your kid on TV and make some money off of it.)


I kept telling my pediatrician that Conrad is too mellow for my liking but she said he's perfectly normal. No, he's NOT normal. He needs to DO something. Other kids are doing algebra and saying GRANDMA! Not only that, he's a WALLFLOWER! And I'm SO not a wall flower. I could have a conversation with anyone on the street if I had to. I'm very social. My pediatrician then says, 
"Well... what's your husbands disposition?"
 And I just hung my head.
 I've had to come to terms with the fact that my husband and my son are wallflowers, and I am not. 

Every play date when the other kid is pulling vases off of the coffee table and breaking them over their own heads laughing and clapping and pointing, my son is just sitting back watching like a mute. He doesn't interact, he just watches. And it's all my fault because I thought I was Japanese and could eat copious amounts of raw fish, and I ruined my son, and he's not doing crap. 
 and I'm the worst mother in the world. 
Well friends, the days of the mute-socially-awkward wallflower are over!

I will have you know that my son says lots of words, so many actually that I can't even type them all,
 I'd get carpal tunnel before I accomplished telling you of his vast vocabulary. 

When you ask him where his teeth, hair, eyes, nose, belly button, toes, and where the light is, he points to those things! Cuz' he's a motha' lovin' bad ass little-genius baby boy. 

He also knows what the cow, sheep, dinosaur, lion, dog, and cat say. 
Beat that kid who says Grandma! 

He claps and dances all the time. He loves Lady GaGa and hip hop the best. 

So I'm kind of excited that he's come out of his shell and started doing things to express himself. It makes me super happy that he bobs his head in the car when fast songs come on. He's at such a fun age.....
Even if he is obsessed with his Dad. (They both looked pretty handsome in their hats at the golf course.) 
My wallflowers. 


  1. that middle picture of him in his little hat kills me! SO CUTE! he makes me want a little boy of my own!

    and also...just so you know, olivia is super shy around ALL other children as well (except her cousins!). she will stand back and watch them play and totally not interact. if someone tries to give her something, she looks at them like they are crazy. i don't know if she's just shy (i used to be terribly shy as a kid!) or if she is sensing all the changes going on and just wants to be near her mama. either way, it is making me crazy! i hope she comes out of her shell soon!

  2. haha I loved reading this. you're such a fun mom. :]

  3. Ohhh I don't mean to crack up at your near-misfortunes but that was hilarious! Thank god now he's barking and roaring and meowing all over the place! What handsome men you have! Lucky girl.

  4. Lily is crazy. Like, certifiable. But when she's in situations where she's not...at home, or in her ellimant, she stands to the side, scrunches her eyebrows and crosses her arms. For real. Not only does she get "shy" she gets bitchy.

    And my husband was a sushi chef!!! You better believe I ate my fair share of sushi while I was pregnant and Lily IS a genius ;]

    I think we all go through this "but that kid" and "that mom" and "what the flip am I" way more than we should. We should be in jail.

  5. LOOOOLLLLLL "motha lovin, bad ass genius baby boy!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA You crack me up! Oh how I craved sushi with my first!!!If only I'd have known it'd make him enjoy Lady gaga I would've gobbled it everyday!

    And don't even get me started on "what the cow says." I can't get my son to moo to save my soul. boo.

    Luv your blog!

  6. he is a genius baby for sure! a regular child prodigy :)

    one of my friends is expecting and we are devastated that we have to give up our monthly sushi date. maybe veggie sushi would quench her cravings!

  7. Love the hats.

    Love the snarky faces that Conrad makes. Kid's got personality.

    When kids came to ask if I could play, I used to say "No thanks, Im playing with my sisters". Just ask....my sisters....or my mom.

    And you crack me up. So much so that while I was reading this on my phone this morning in the car on the way to work I shared it with Joel, you had us rolling.

    Also, I have eaten sushi 3 times so far with the same justification. Bad me.

  8. I'm just going to reiterate....LOVE the hats. I NEED one for Kai. And can't get Joel to wear one like that. He prefers the fedora, which looks dashing as well.

  9. So cute & fun!
    Oh & I love their hats!!

  10. i love this so much, you are all so adorable! i craved sushi so bad when i was pregnant too and bought some california rolls at the store. i got home and realized that the fake krab meat was actually made of fish and because my hormones were already all wacky I started bawling."I..I..Can't eat this sushi! And it's all I wanted! Waaaaah!" My husband thought I was absolutely nuts.

  11. wow, this makes me want to eat sushi when I become pregnant. I want myself a motha' lovin' bad ass little-genius baby boy!

  12. He sounds JUST like my Will. They sound like they have the same disposition. Even liking Lady GaGa and Hip Hop the best! And if Daddy's around, you would think I was stinky chopped liver.

  13. That's one beautiful family right there!

  14. Aw, that's sweet that your son likes Lady Gaga!

  15. who wipes your but all day? NOT daddy! lol

  16. Who wipes your butt all day? ha ha that was probably my favorite part. Your son is adorable. And you two make quite the cut couple.


    p.s. Be sure to check my giveaway when you get the chance.

  17. such a cute story!! i love it when little babies dance! its so great!

  18. how adorable!!!
    your baby is so handsome!

  19. wow...i wish conrad and jude could play together..they are like 2 peas in a pod. no really..your pregnancy cravings crack me up. when I was pregnant i craved canadian cigarettes called Players and red wine from a box with a straw..go figure. I didnt want either once Jude arrived though. i love the lime drink your hubby came up with. I had to suck on lemons through the first 7 months to keep from barfing..i even took them into church with me and the pastor would laugh watching me suck on lemons while he delivered the message.

    Conrad is just so flippin adorable..i love him and his little hat.

  20. Chels you so make me smile! I love your outlook on life & motherhood. You already know this... but you and Grant are so much alike its friggin crazy! Thats probably why he thinks you rock and you totally understood his personality within 2 seconds of meeting him so I didn't have to worry if he was being too sarcastic or not. People like you both make the world a fun place! Love you girl!

  21. aw, thanks amy. You're such a sweet friend. What lovely, kind things to say. I appreciate it! AND I agree with you about Grant. He's such a fun person to hang out with-I LOVED when we all trained for Red Rock together. He knows just when to be silly, and when to be sweet and serious. He's the perfect guy for you Amy! He's going to be such a fun Dad too! I bet you can't wait to see him in action when you get preggers! (get to it already!) ;)

    Love you too sugar!

  22. I love this post. You are too cute and funny. I am 100% sure that sushi didn't do shit.

  23. What adorable pictures you have on this blog. So cute and it makes me smile!

  24. ahahaha this cracked me up. LOVE it.