"Japanese ladies eat sushi all day long and their kids grow up to be scientists!"

The first 3 photos were "pre-daddy-getting home" photos. 

My son apparently hates his mother... 

OR, he's ignoring me and watching Signing Time

OR, he got his first goose egg on his forehead from running too fast, falling, and is ignoring me

....watching Signing Time.

OR I just took his Binky away (so we could have just ONE photo with out it for god sakes!)

Either way, I think it's rude that he's the happiest baby alive when Dad's home. 

It's like, Who wipes your butt all day? Not Daddy!

So when I was pregnant, I craved margaritas almost everyday. The limey-saltiness is what I wanted mostly NOT the tequila.....  So without giving my baby fetal alcohol syndrome (which isn't funny whatsoever....) Dustin concocted a drink to quench that craving. Ginger ale on the rocks with tons of lime! I drank it almost everyday. I insisted on sipping them with a neon bendy straw 

like a true drunken diva would! 

Ahem, my other craving was sushi. Unlike the margaritas, I was not able to find a substitute for my craving, so I indulged and didn't tell my doctor until like my last week of pregnancy. 

Every time I went to my favorite joint for my fix, to push the guilt I felt down and not feel like I was harming my baby with uber-amounts of mercury and raw deliciousness, I'd say,

"Japanese ladies eat sushi all day long and their kids grow up to be scientists!" 

 I'd high five my belly because I knew Conrad was in there high fiving me back 

and loving himself some sushi! 

Clarification for you nay-Sayers/haters of  pregnant people enjoying sushi: I ate it like five times OK. I wasn't smoking copious amounts of crack rock (I quite that months before conception...) But seriously, my doctor about beat me over the head with her stupid clip board when I shamefully confessed my nasty indulgences. So from that point on, I started to consider that what I was doing may have been pretty bad for my little Conrad.

From the day he was born, I've been obsessing and making myself crazy over what he WAS or WASN'T doing. Is he sitting up? Is he blinking enough? Why isn't he batting at that toy? Should he be waving? Why isn't he barking? I've been saying "WHAT'S THE DOG SAY?" for five months now! I'm about to lose my mind! Talk kid! Talk!  (It really doesn't help either when you read other blogs where mom's are talking about how their kid says "Grandma" at ten months old! Mom who brags about your kid, No one believes you. If your kid says grandma, call a news paper or Oprah because that shits crazy and you need to get your kid on TV and make some money off of it.)

ANYWAY.

I kept telling my pediatrician that Conrad is too mellow for my liking but she said he's perfectly normal. No, he's NOT normal. He needs to DO something. Other kids are doing algebra and saying GRANDMA! Not only that, he's a WALLFLOWER! And I'm SO not a wall flower. I could have a conversation with anyone on the street if I had to. I'm very social. My pediatrician then says, 

"Well... what's your husbands disposition?"

 And I just hung my head.

 I've had to come to terms with the fact that my husband and my son are wallflowers, and I am not. 

Every play date when the other kid is pulling vases off of the coffee table and breaking them over their own heads laughing and clapping and pointing, my son is just sitting back watching like a mute. He doesn't interact, he just watches. And it's all my fault because I thought I was Japanese and could eat copious amounts of raw fish, and I ruined my son, and he's not doing crap. 

 and I'm the worst mother in the world. 

Well friends, the days of the mute-socially-awkward wallflower are over!

I will have you know that my son says lots of words, so many actually that I can't even type them all,

 I'd get carpal tunnel before I accomplished telling you of his vast vocabulary. 

When you ask him where his teeth, hair, eyes, nose, belly button, toes, and where the light is, he points to those things! Cuz' he's a motha' lovin' bad ass little-genius baby boy. 

He also knows what the cow, sheep, dinosaur, lion, dog, and cat say. 

Beat that kid who says Grandma! 

He claps and dances all the time. He loves Lady GaGa and hip hop the best. 

So I'm kind of excited that he's come out of his shell and started doing things to express himself. It makes me super happy that he bobs his head in the car when fast songs come on. He's at such a fun age.....

Even if he is obsessed with his Dad. (They both looked pretty handsome in their hats at the golf course.) 

My wallflowers.