For mothers Day I asked my fabulously talented friend Nicky to snap a few photos of Conrad and I.
I wanted to give them to Dustin as a thank you.
(lifting his legs so they don't touch the grass....)
I get a lump in my throat when I look back at the year we've had together trying to figure out how to be parents and raise our son together. Dustin has never made me feel like I was supposed to be this "50's house wife" who tended to the children, while he played the role of the burly man who came home to a hot meal every night while I did the rest of the house work and put the kids to bed. I've felt the complete opposit actually. There have been days where I've plopped down on the couch with the rug rat wondering around the house while Dustin whips up dinner. I eat (because I'm exhausted in tears, shaking with hair falling out in clumps!) while he hoses off Conrad and puts him to sleep. I would feel extremely inadaquate in these moments, but I can look back at nights where he loved on me in such a way that made me feel like we're in this together and I'm not alone. He has been nothing but a strong pillar for me to depend on, and I am forever gratful. When I say I couldn't have made it out of this year without my husband, I truly mean it. I don't know how he put up with me. (I might sound very dramatic, but you will never understand how hard raising a baby can be until you have one and spend a day with that whiny-irritated-teething-throwing up-baby.)
We were laying in bed reminising about this last year with Conrad and we are now able to laugh about the night that Dustin got so frustrated with our son that he slammed a bottle on the window seat while rocking an unruley baby and breast milk exploided all over everything in Conrad's room. Thankfully, I came in to rescue him befor he lost his mind. At the time, he was really upset but now we can find humor in the situation. I told him that I really wouldn't be the mom that I am without him holding me up during those difficult days and having mercy on my short comings. We both have messed up royally as parents and I'm sure we'll find some way to screw up our son! We have had to catch the other before we try to throw ourselves down a flight of stairs, but that's the beauty in parenting. It's ugly at times, messy, emotional, a struggle, confussing, embarassing (no man wants his wife to see him in tears and covered in breast milk....and no wife wants her husband to come into the baby's room AFTER SHE JUST CURSED PROFANITIES AT HER BABY, to tell her to
"Put the baby down NOW! Just GO!") while I search for a rock to crawl under for cussing at my son!! Parenting is really hard. Examples like these show us that we are despriate for one another and it shows that we aren't perfect parents, don't have it all together and aren't perfect spouses either!
Thank you Dustin for empowering me, encouraging me, affirming me and helping me to not give up. I'm glad that we can laugh at ourselves, realize our depravity and cling onto a God whose love is never wavering when this parenting business sucks a whole lot.
Love you guys,