With the future of the economy being a deep concern of all, with owners not paying their mortgages because they've lost jobs, and the unemployment rate sky rocketing, the future can sometimes look bleek. Dustin and I both work in the construction industry, and jobs are drying up, so we're both praying that we can stay employed...(His job is more secure than mine.)It's been a tough year (or few years) with him completing a degree in 3 years that usually takes 5 years to complete. He's taken 81 engineering credits in two years. We haven't had a social life, we've been consumed by Dustin's school obligations, our new baby on the way, making sure the lights stay on etc. Life has been trying on both of us this year and a true test of our marriage as we go through this transition in our lives. As God refines us with trials and hardships.
One of the biggest hardships I have faced as a future Mom is figuring out what the months following Conrad's birth will look like. I am grateful to have my job as it provides medical benefits that Dustin and I have been able to appreciate with a $5,000+ medical bill that was paid for by my insurance. Without that insurance, this would have been an even more interesting pregnancy! Dustin doesn't receive benefits through his job since he is in the internship program and they do not offer it. So the best thing for our family is that I go back to work after the baby is born. I will get 6 weeks of unpaid maternity leave, Dustin will get 0 weeks or days to stay home with me...bills still have to be paid...time can not be taken off...and with a full school load and almost 30 hour work weeks, the man has enough pressure to deal with already. We see the light at the end of the tunnel and we praise God that he's been able to get Dustin through school and work like he has.
Dustin will be graduating in August. He also has to take a test in April that is a prerequisite for any job that he applies for. The test is a 2 day test, his study guide is like 2000 pages (It looks like a bible) So with that being said I am forever grateful for the drive and ambition my husband continues to show in providing for our family.
I'm trying to figure out a way for us to pay for daycare, and be able to work as well because the internship program at his work doesn't offer medical benefits and with a new baby, we'll be going to a lot of Dr's visits....So I'm basically working to pay for doctors appointments and daycare.
It's tough. I don't want to put my baby in a day care, especially when we go to tour the day care and the lady shows us a scrap book that the teachers make for each month for each baby because she says "We don't want you to miss out on their milestones- so we make you a scrap book...." or "I was fortunate enough to get to stay home with my baby, so I never had to take her to a daycare..." And I'm thinking, "This is what you are trained to say to me to sell me on putting my kid in your facility?? No one would prefer to have their 6 week old baby in a day care all day while they go to their job! And then she said to me "We'd really rather you put your baby in at 8 weeks instead of 6 weeks...because you need time to bond with your baby, and 6 weeks is just too soon!" (You don't think I'd "REALLY RATHER-NOT PUT MY BABY IN YOUR FACILITY??? DON'T YOU THINK I ALREADY KNOW THAT 6 WEEKS IS JUST TOO SOON????)and this is where I try to hold my tongue as much as I can, trying not to squint my eyes at her and wipe that mean look off of my face- I pause and as gently as I can possibly muster, I say "If I had it my way, I wouldn't have my baby here at all!!" I kindly shake her hand, smile, and we leave. I call the lady an idiot-bitch-retard-moron with bad hair, etc. in the car, cry a little, take a deep breath and we drive home. She's just doing her job and pushing her opinions on me, that's all. She didn't deserve to be called bad names, God forgive me, but can you see my frustration?? The guilt of it all was already weighing on me like a ton of bricks as we stood in the nursery with crib after crib lined up next to eachother, I surely didn't need her two cents.
So that's where we are with child care! It's scary. It's hard not knowing what the future will bring. It's hard to trust God when I always pictured this differently. And it's EVEN harder on my husband who has done the best job I can imagine any man doing with all he continues to juggle day in and day out. He has done such a great job persevering through school and work and feels guilty enough because he'd rather me stay home as well.
I've interviewed ladies for at home day cares. One lady was asking 150 dollars a day...which is hysterical. (DAY CARE IS EXPENSIVE!) I've exhausted my ideas, so if you have any, please shoot them my way.
In the 2 1/2 years I worked in a nursery, I never considered how hard it must be for Moms to hand their babies over into my care. I didn't think they were bad people, or wrong, or should be staying home...they were insuring me a job. Now I am in the same position as they were.
So I'm left with an internal struggle with where my life is going to be in the next 6 months. Will I even be working? Will Dustin get a different job? Will I actually LOVE that he's in a daycare meeting new friends and learning? Will I HATE it and cry every time I drop him off? What will it look like? How am I going to feel? What is best for our family?
When I worked in the infant room at the nursery, I was assigned 6 babies to care for each day, (4-12 months old) and the other teacher in the room also had 6 babies. We learned how to get them all on a feeding and nap schedule (Which can drive a person bonkers), we learned how to tune their incessant cries out when we couldn't move fast enough to keep them all happy, we learned how to clean 12 high chairs in a row and pat 12 backs in a row to get them all to nap for us 2 times a day for 2 hours each nap, I've beaten food out of babies who were blue in the face from choking and had to explain to Moms why their baby had bruises on their backs, I've been pooped on, barfed on, and peed on...It was a hard job, one of the hardest jobs and most rewarding jobs I've ever had. I know what it's like to pray that God could just make the babies stop crying and get me through the day with tears streaming down my face. But I DON'T know what it's like to have a baby to care for 24 hours a day. No training that I've had can prepare me for what's ahead. I feel like a deer in head lights! Caring for babies and the children that I've been a Nanny for makes me feel like being a Mom is going to be the best Job in the world.
So that is my prayer request. Please pray for Dustin & I as this transition stares us dead in the face, and decisions have to be made. And pray that I would have mercy on people with these ever-raging hormones! Pregnancy doesn't always bring out the best in me.