San Diego Half Marathon:

Pictured below L to R

{Jessica, Natalie, Amber, Amy, Chelsea, & Candice.}

Last weekend I ran my second half marathon. When people ask me how I did or how my race was, I feel like when I try to explain my, "out of body experiences in running" I start to freak people out. I think the other girls share this same love as well. Like seriously, I'm obsessed with the feeling of running alongside 8,000 other people. I couldn't get my feet to stop during the race even if I wanted to. I had more fun during this run than I ever have and I beat my last marathon time by 20 minutes?! What-the-what?! TWENTY minutes?! Dude, That's what I said!

Usually when we train, I like to take breaks (because I'm lazy, or tired, or bored...) but I can't remember stopping once the entire time. I slowed down to grab water but I was so pumped and was having so much fun, I didn't want to stop. These big races are so much fun because when you grab your water, you drink it and just throw it to the ground, so as you're running, you're stomping over hundreds of paper cups and water's going everywhere. You feel like such a friggin' rock star. It's so much fun.

We got to the drop off spot and were standing there talking and stretching before the race started. I was talking to Candice and Amy, and typical me starts blubbering and crying. I'm all, "I love you guys! What if this is the last race we ever do because I move, I couldn't have done this without you!....." So I'm balling and they're hugging me and this girl comes up behind us and says, "DO YOU GUYS HAVE A TAMPON!" To which we all start laughing... (I also cried in the bus sitting next to Candice looking back at the journey that brought me here, and the fact that these girls birthed such a great love for running in me. I wouldn't have started doing this without them.) She says she didn't know I was crying, but I know she's just trying to protect my pride so I don't feel like such a marshmallow.... I feel sorry for them, really I do. I get so emotional over races and when we have really good runs. (The first time I finished an 8 mile workout, the three of them were cradling me in their arms because I'm such a baby. It's quite embarrassing.) Every accomplishment is so big when It comes to running.

High lights of my race: I ran with Amy (passin' fools and weaving between people) for about the first 2 miles. I had a few cramps but worked through them. We started near the ocean and ran up hill for a while which was such a trip for me because all you see are bodies in front of you going up this hill. It's a sea of people all running, no spaces hardly, just a street full of people. I was so in awe of it, I stopped to video tape how cool it looked to see everyone, but there's too much fog in the way, so you can't get the real idea of how crazy it was as I looked up that hill.

I got into my groove at about mile 4 and from then on, I kept looking down at my watch, and at my pace and was like, WHOA, I'm actually maintaining my time and staying consistent! I remember thinking to myself when I was feeling so proud of my pace, "This is exactly why I got up at 4am to run."

Mile 1:

We ran through some neighborhoods where people were sitting in lawn chairs waving, clapping, smiling at us, high fiving us and had signs telling us to "DIG DEEP!", while they all sipped their coffee. I guess it would be a sight to see 8,000 people running past your front door! Having complete strangers cheer you on and saying "Keep going, you've got this!" was a really neat feeling.

Side note: A little boy had written in chalk on the street where we were running "I love you Mommy, love Lou." (Lou is Conrad's nickname. We call him Lou probably everyday. It's short for Bubba-lou-lou's....anyway) I thought it was a sweet gift of encouragement, even if it wasn't intended specifically for me. God is so sweet to me. I also saw a lady with a shaved head whose shirt read "Cancer can kiss my ass!" I lost it, I'll admit. Seeing her was a really sweet moment for me especially because I used Bobbie as my inspiration to train and used a lot of my running time to cover her in prayer. This race was definitely dedicated to Bobbie.

Mile 7 came and I couldn't believe it. It all went by so fast.

I saw Dustin with Conrad in the Bjorn next to Candice's husband cheering us on at mile 10. I ran up and kissed both of them, he snapped a few pictures and as I ran past them, I was thinking, there is NO way they're going to see me finish. The kiss was good enough though. I was really sad at mile 10 because I knew it was almost over.

I was running and as the course looped around, I see Amy in her neon green tank and we both started waving at each other and jumping up and down. That was a fun moment.

The last 2 miles were all up hill. Right when I turned the corner and saw that hill, I changed my ipod to get me pumped up, and tore that hill a new one. It seemed like people just stopped dead in their tracks at the hill. It wasn't easy, but it was NOTHING compared to the hills we ran at Red Rock.

The finish was one of the most awesome feelings of my life. Tons of people lined up on each side screaming and cheering you on. I looked over and saw Candice and her husband cheering for me. I ran so hard. I seriously had SO much fun. My body felt great, the weather was INCREDIBLE (compared to our 100+ degree weather we trained in) I wasn't aching, I wasn't tired, I just loved every minute of it. I kept thanking God for running during the race and kept trying not to cry. God, I'm pathetic.

I feel like everyone should train and run a half at least once in their lives. It's so rewarding.

So I texted the running buddies yesterday about the rock and roll half in L.A. on Oct 24Th and I think we're all in...... These marathons are addicting! (We could all get our triple crown! 3 half marathons in a year!!)

Thanks for all of your support guys. It's so fun to share these memories with you.

thoughts on running:

In 2 weeks, I will be running my first half marathon.

{the gorgeous Red Rock}

When I started training (6 weeks ago) I really didn't know how to run. I dabbled in running, but had no idea what it took to run and actually enjoy it. The trail that I would usually run before I trained was a 6 mile trail (3 miles both ways). I would run it and stop, take breaks, and give up, get cramps and I always put too many days between my runs so it was almost like I was starting from scratch each time. I wasn't consistent. I've had a few people ask me recently what the secret is to running, and I have a few tib bits that I've learned from the awesome girls who have trained me! (LOVE you girls!)

1- I couldn't have trained for this marathon if I didn't have support. I have 4 girls who have rallied beside me, pushed me, encouraged me, helped me set goals, have seen me through frustrating runs, and seen me through tearful celebratory runs. I could never have done this without them. At least twice a week for my long runs, I run with one of the 4 girls and it has been incredible. I feel like everything I know about running, I've learned from them.

{This was a basket filled with healthy treats that was left on my door step with a little note that read

"Only 6 weeks left! You ca do this!" Little words of encouragement can go a long way to

help you stick to the goal and not give up!}

2- What you eat determines how you run. It's almost the most important thing. What you put into your body is what you will get out of it. This has been something that has taught me great discipline knowing that I'm sacrificing the pleasure of enjoying junk, so my body has the right fuel it needs to run. (before a long run, I eat a cup of raw oat meal with fresh blue berries, and drink a cup of green tea. I eat 2 hours before I run. I usually run on a relatively empty stomach.) And don't forget to eat enough.

3- Rest. This has also been an area where I've had to learn discipline to go to bed at a normal hour. This also means not running long runs back to back. (I ran 8 miles on Saturday and the very next day ran 6 miles (which was bad!) Your body needs rest! I planned to only run 3 miles that day, but felt good so I kept going! I ended up passed out on the couch the whole rest of the day because I didn't rest my muscles and I was literally unable to move.) This is when following my running schedule comes into play!

4- Stop saying "I'm just not a runner." Candice really taught that just as soccer is a sport, running is a sport, and you have to practice if you want to get good at it. The more you run, the better you will get at it, and the better you will get at dealing with cramps, and working through exhaustion and fatigue. I about died the first time we all ran together. After the 3rd mile, I was almost in tears. I hadn't pushed my body up a hill since high school and these girls were doing it with such grace and ease. It was so frustrating! But now, I know how to run! Every week I'm getting better because I'm practicing. I'm training my body to get used to how it feels to run up hills, something I couldn't do 6 months ago.

5- It's mental. Jessica and I were running a few weekends back and she had an awful cramp and we still had 3 miles to go of the 8 we did that day until we were done. I kept telling her to push the pain out of her head and ignore it, to breath through. We've all had to give each other pep talks through hard runs. I've had to repeat phrases to myself like "You're strong," & "it will get easier." If you dwell on how bad your run is sucking, you'll give up easier. Don't focus on the pain.

6- Don't compare yourself. I usually stay a good distance behind the girls. They've been "practicing" longer than I have, and they have faster paces. If I tried to push myself to run alongside Candice, Jessica or Amy who have like 7 minute a mile paces, I would lose my gas right a way. Don't compare yourself to others and be comfortable at your current pace until you've had more "practice."

7- Get the right gear. Go to a running store, get fitted for the right shoes, and get some advice. I was shocked to realize that you're supposed to get new shoes every 200 miles. I couldn't understand why my big toe kept feeling like there was a nail in it every time i ran, until I went to a running store and realized my shoes (that looked perfectly new and cost my mom more money than I want to admit) were falling apart. Get the right shoes. Anytime I run further than 4 miles, my right arch hurts so bad I can barely go on. So I went to the running store and got an awesome insole for my right foot and it makes a world of difference.

8- Don't listen to the nay sayers- YOU are capable of much more than you think. EVERYONE told me Red Rock was terribly difficult, but I'm beginning to think that maybe it was horribly difficult because they didn't actually train on it, which made their experience horrible.

I was really scared of running Red Rock in the beginning, I even psyched myself out a few times and tried to back out (but my support team wouldn't let me!) The key that has given me the confidence to know that I can run this course is that by the time race day comes, I will have already trained on the course 3 times. I'm not going to be shocked by the hills and I will know exactly where the most difficult parts are. Training on the course has taken so much of the anxiety away that I formerly felt. I was told by several people how difficult the course was, so I told myself I wasn't "fit" or "good enough" or was too "wimpy" to run it when in actuality, it's not that scary at all.

I will say though that the first time i ran Red Rock, I got to mile 2 and was contemplating turning my butt right back around and sitting in the car until everyone was done. The first time I ran it I was hating life, Grant wanted to put a bullet through his knee, and Jessica cried. We all had a rough time the first time. But when you have an awesome run, the feeling you get afterwards is like nothing else on earth. We ran 8 miles on a beautiful trail close to Boulder City on day (this was the best run of my life). It was raining the whole run, cloudy, beautiful and I felt like I could just go on forever. I remember thinking "I hope heaven is like this." It was incredible and such a joy to run that day. Theres nothing like a good run.

I've learned so much in the last few months about conditioning my body. Working towards this goal has giving me such a feeling of accomplishment. The biggest thing that I am taking away in all of my training is the friendships I've made. That is the most beautiful part of the whole thing.

I can't wait to conquer Red Rock! I'm sooo excited!

A lot has happened since this time last year.

New years 2009-my tired head hit the pillow well before 8. We hadn't thought about Christmas gifts, or Christmas trees. Our thoughts and hearts were set on the one gift that we were dieing to open-rather-the gift that opened us up. Opened our eyes, opened our hearts, opened us up to love more than our minds could comprehend. Waiting in great expectation for this:

{my belly at 6 months pregnant}

Last year, at this time-I was stealing watermelons from Albertsons:

I labored for 23 hours (half of which without any drugs, on pitosin mind you) that's a whole nother' bowl of Cheerios though...., had a C-section, & wept holding my new son. Depended on the Lord, on my husband, and on my family more than I knew I ever would. Fell in love so bad it hurt, over and over again. Experienced the best day of my life:

We brought our son home in his dinosaur outfit and all...

I'll never forget crying on the phone with Dustin-he crying too, stuck in traffic after I told him our 4 day old son had to wear this terribly adorable-awful contraption. We got really familiar with hip harnesses: (and never got to dress him in those cutsie newborn outfits) our son had Hip Dysplacia when he was born, so I had to go see an orthopedic surgeon.

Conrad had to wear this hideous harness for 8 weeks! Looking back, it wasn't so bad!

Two became three:

I got to watch my best friend become a dad: Crazy and awe inspiring. What a wonderful experience.

I think one of the funniest conversations I've ever had was in the Austin air port restroom. I was hooked up to my bff Lansinoh, talking to all of the ladies who were waiting in line for the john, telling me how bad it must suck to be me, pumping milk infront of a huge line of strangers with my boobs all out...and how they had pumped in gas station restrooms too. That was one of my favorite mom memories this year. I'll never forget that.

I really didn't mind pumping for almost 6 months.

I felt like my whole existence was centered around

being glued to that pump every 2 hours.

It was awful, but in retrospect, really funny too.

I have fond memories of Dustin and I watching Conan O'Brien late at night. He doing the Daddy thing feeding the dude, and me doing the Mommy thing, making the food. I hold onto those memories-even if we were zombies.

It's a sweet memory for me-he feeding our son, and me pumping.

I became a mom this year. Pretty much the biggest title I'll ever hold.

MOM!

Wow...I never imagined I would experience such joy, such pride,

such intimacy with my husband.

It was rough, it was unbelievable, it was insane and painfully wonderful.

This had by far been the best year of my life.

I was strong for my son while he got his bandages changed,

after I gave him his first owie (on accident):

I got surprised on my birthday with a picnic in the park. Best way to turn 25!

We learned that you can be EVEN MORE in love than you were "before baby."

Life doesn't end after children, like all of the "Debbie Downers" said it would!

{Jerks. What do they know anyway! Screw'em!}

Conrad had his first plane ride to Texas to see uncle Brandon graduate.

We saw sharks in the aquarium too.

It was mind blowing-if he had been awake to witness it...

Conrad had his first Christmas and opened his first present

with help from his uncle Ethan:

Santa-Conrad:

Dustin became an Engineer. A real engineer, not just one who overlooks plans

and is your "gofer". No longer an intern! He is a living, breathing Engineer

who does stuff and tells people what to do and does experiments on soil!

This year taught us that before we had our baby (WHAT the hell DID WE DO WITH OUR TIME!) and secondly, our hearts grew, we sacrificed much, we fought for our marriage, made some amazing friendships, love Jesus more (so much more), learned we were capable of SO much, celebrated victories, celebrated blessings, celebrated answers to prayers-because God's love goes on and on, celebrated successes that can only be explained by miracles and held onto the hope that

we will never be hopeless.

The three of us: My favorite family portrait of us thus far:

Mostly, I'm just really blown away at how God provided over and over-abundantly and that we NEVER went without. EVEN in the small, teeniest things in life, He went over and above what I thought He was capable of. He delivered again and again. My faith in who my God is was shattered. He came in and completely put new eyes in my head to see him as he is-grew my faith-spoke to me like it was the first time my ears had heard. A lot of it has to do with the fact that I'm a mom now. So seeing the world through a parents eyes gives me a whole new perspective of how he views me as His child. Weird. Totally awesome too.

Happy new year friends. I hope a lot of really crazy things happen for you this year

and your world gets rocked in really awesome ways.

How Do You Worship God?

Singing songs to God in church may be your favorite way to worship, but you can find God just about anywhere...

This week, I finally got up to a 58 min. workout. When I found out I "with child", I stopped running and instead power walked because I was afraid of massacring. So you can imagine seeing my fat ass trying to run up a hill for the first time after being huge. Just running for a straight 5 minutes was a big deal. I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I looked like I lived in a van down by the river (did anyone get that?)

Just a few weeks before I found out I was pregnant, I ran an 8 mile work out. I came home with sun burns on my scalp, thighs, and shoulders. (I've learned now to wear sun screen). I was gone for well over an hour and a half. I remember Dustin saying he was about to call a search party. I usually run on trails or in the desert. I was itching to run when I was pregnant, and even tried once when we were out on our walk, and Dustin was like "Babe, just stop." I was pretty big at this point. We both laughed at how silly I looked. I missed the feeling I got when I ran.

I don't run just to get my cellulite to GO AWAY! Or to have a fit ticker, I run because that's where I meet God. That's where I worship. Once I get past that 20 minute mark and the endorphins kick in and I start feeling good, the sweat starts to bead down my face, I can feel the rocks crunching beneath my feet, I'm all alone and the suns going down for the day, I reflect, God speaks truth to my heart and my troubles melt away. I've had many long conversations, I've had moments where I felt Him say to me "Stop, sit down, don't think about anything and just look around at stuff with me." God's creation is crazy-marvelous and I forget to realize how intricately he put it all together. It's pretty amazing.

One of my biggest motivations has been my friend Erin. After she had her first baby, she ran at the gym for two hours on the treadmill three times a week to get herself ready for her first marathon, and she ran it. I think to myself, If she can do it, I can do it too! And my husband has been a huge encouragement to me. He comes home from work and pushes me out the door to go get my run in.

The other way I feel like I worship God is through my camera. I remember being in Thailand and crying as I looked through my lens, praising God as I was snapping away, looking at these beautiful children and just falling in love. My heart was so full, It was one of the most incredible feelings of my life to experience that with Him. I would go through the photos at night before bed and just give him credit and worship him. (Not that I'm some kind of super star or anything, any good shot that I was lucky enough to capture were all accredited to Him.)

Girl praying

Grandmother "happily" posing for photo

Woman reading a news paper in jewelry store while a man smokes a cigarette

A friend of ours said that he worships God by flying a kite. He goes to a park and stands there with his kite and has his time with God. I think that's pretty neat.

How Do you worship?

Shake that depression away!

In my first trimester, I struggled with depression quite a bit. I cried daily at work, at home, before bed, ALL the time . I was sad for no reason at all. Of course I was scared about this new life change, about what it would do to my marriage, and my body felt bombarded with the new changes that pregnancy brings about. I was fighting it. Fighting the changes, struggling with them, having daily boxing matches with them, cussing at them and not feeling like myself at all.

Not only was I "sad" but I was having fits of rage as well. I would find every little thing to nit pick about my co-workers, my family, and my friends. I distanced myself because this rage brought out of me courage to speak my mind and I had little reservations of others feelings. I thought that the check out lady was checking my groceries too slowly, so I'd let her know. I thought our waiter wasn't giving us antiquate service, so she would also be given a piece of my mind as well...I cussed out my boss and almost lost my job, luckily he felt sorry for me and agreed to keep me, as long as I didn't lose my mind again! I wasn't taking crap from anyone, and everyone owed me something...I didn't want to be a door mat. I experienced a heightened awareness of bad drivers on the road, and let them know it too.

My mind was far away in a distant pregnancy land and I was living in a foggy cloud of hormones, fighting my way through my bad attitudes and negativity. I isolated myself because had I been around people, I would have torn them a new ass. My family knew all too well what a major bitch I was and didn't like it at all. I felt very alone. It was rough.

At each doctors appointment, before the doctor could even come in and say "good morning!" I was sitting hunched over with my head in my hands, drool dribbling down my chin, red eyed in tears, and not able to explain exactly what was ailing me.

I shared my struggles with a few of my friends and family and the most common response to my depression was:

"This is the happiest time in your life, what do you have to be sad about?! Don't you WANT this baby???"

It wasn't about me not being ready, or happy, or wanting my baby, It was about my body not handling the hormonal changes. It was something I felt I didn't have control over.

So my doctor decided I needed, desperately needed to go on Prozac. She said that the baby would be fine and she wanted me to go on it right away! I went home, prayed about it, talked to Dustin about it, and decided that I wanted to take a more natural approach to my chemical imbalance, if that was even what I was experiencing. Each appointment, I kept telling her I needed more time to think about it...but her idea was, If I'm this bad now, she didn't want to see what I would be like after the baby once the dramatic hormone changes happened again.

The struggle continued until about half way through my 2ND trimester. I started to perk up. I had more energy. I stopped throwing up 5 times or more a day. My awful migraines stopped. I was resting a little easier and life was looking clearer.

I was utterly convinced that after Conrad was born, I would be on an anti-depressant for a while until my body readjusted and I felt more like myself. I also wanted to be a good wife and mother and If i was still stuck down in my pit of despair, how would I tend to my baby and experience the joys of motherhood to the fullest? I felt like it would be safe to take the drug for just a few months and be open to it.

After he was born though, I only experienced one fit of sadness. Our friends were coming over to bring us food and I didn't know they were coming. The baby had just gone down for a nap so I was trying to steal a few precious minutes of sleep before all hell broke loose again. Dustin called me to let me know they were on their way, and just as I hung up the phone, my heart dropped. I got all hot and sweaty, my heart started racing, and I was scrambling to find clothes that I felt comfortable in, and get my hair combed. I wasn't ready to face the world. A wave of anxiety was rushing over me, I was shaking and nervous. This was the first time I was seeing my friends again since the baby was born, and not only that, but Conrad had to wear a harness that I was uncomfortable with him wearing in public because I felt like he would be made fun of, or people would be uncomfortable holding my sweet little baby (which people were). When they got there, I cried. I was exhausted, and shaken up. At this point, I felt like it was time to consider the help of medicine to balance me out....

Days passed, I was enjoying my baby and he was eating well, we weren't struggling with breast feeding any longer, my husband was adjusting well to going back to work, my family was helping us with groceries and coming over to help us. The days weren't looking so grim. I felt like myself again. My body was shrinking and I felt excited for each new challenge to come.

I write this because I felt like a failure to be considering medicine to deal with my depression. I felt like I should pray harder about it, or just tough it out. But that wasn't the case. It was out of my control, and although I never took Prozac, I shouldn't have felt guilty for weighing my options. Moms have enough pressure as it is and it can be overwhelming to alter your life to fit another person in it and still juggle your marriage and time for yourself. It's OK to use medicine and mothers shouldn't be so hard on themselves for it if they do.

That's all I have to say about that. Now lets see what Chris Crocker has to say about Depression....I warn you, he's hilarious. Thanks Ashley!

Baby Phat

For many years of my adolescents I cared far too much about how thin I was. I had a distorted view of my body as many girls my age did also. I knew girls who I cheered with who had eating disorders, I myself at one point struggled to maintain healthy eating habits. It is difficult being a gymnast and cheerleader for years especially for me because I was the girl being thrown in the air, and at 110 lbs, was one of the biggest flyers believe it or not. Society waves in front of our faces these false ideas of what sexy is, or what attractive is, or what is fashionable....and the key word is FALSE! It's fake, it doesn't matter and shame on me for measuring myself or finding value in these MEANINGLESS things because God could give two craps about any of it. I am here to make Jesus known, not make Chelsea Known....

Earth to Chelsea....It's not all about you!!! I love my God for how he redirects my thoughts when they become twisted.

WHY DO WE CARE SO MUCH LADIES??? WHY DOES IT MATTER IF WE HAVE CELLULITE, STRETCH MARKS, MUFFIN TOPS, OR THUNDER THIGHS?? IF MY JUGS DON'T SIT PERFECTLY IN PLACE AS PERKY AND ROUND AS CAN BE, WHY DO I CARE?? IF MY UNDERWEAR CAN ONLY COVER ONE CHEEK INSTEAD OF TWO NOW, WHY DO I CARE??

I'll tell you why. Because to the root of my being, I am vein, I am prideful, I am consumed with material things, with what I portray to the world and I think everyone else gives a damn....and they don't. No one cares.

I am made in the image of God and if he tells me I'm beautiful, then by-golly, I sure am! But we so easily forget this as we go from day to day looking at celebrity magazines, and half naked woman on billboards.

I was about 6 months pregnant driving in the car with my husband and I was outraged at myself. I was adjusting to my ever growing body and was struggling with it. (For some strange reason, the smaller you are as a pregnant woman, the more credit you get from people. If you're huge at only 5 months, people scowl when you tell them that you're only 5 months, they'll argue with you and say "NO, YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY BE 5 MONTHS PREGNANT? ARE YOU SURE??" "Yes I'm sure, lady. Sorry that I'm not a rail, I'm carrying a baby who requires lots of bags of spicy lime Cheetos!" People are very judgmental to a pregnant woman's body. I should know, I was asked once if I was having twins early in my pregnancy, and I said NO, I'm just bloated and I eat whole pizzas now, not single slices thankyouverymuch!)

I've never been this size in my life, and I was angry at myself for EVER thinking I was fat at all before pregnancy. I told Dustin that I could literally punch myself in the face for thinking that I was anywhere near obese when I wore a size 0-2. I felt like a friggin idiot for always being so down on myself having the body God had given me. But society made me CRAZY to think this way, to have such low self confidence and think that I had such a terrible body. I'M BLAMING IT ON SOCIETY. I'm blaming it on myself for buying into the lie.

This weekend, I woke up at 6:30 and began my 6 hour "nesting" regiment. I'm not kidding, to Dustin's amazement i cleaned for 6 hours. It was INTENSE. I organized every junk drawer, got my vacuum attachments out and sucked every piece of lent or dust I could find. I did 3 loads of laundry, cleaned the toilets, ran the dishes, and organized my clothes (AND the baby's clothes) and the list goes on.... In organizing my clothes I came across a basket of jeans I had put away when I got preggers because I wouldn't be fitting into them anytime soon. I went through them and was so baffled that i called Dustin in. I held them up disgustedly in shock and shook my head....How in the world would I EVER fit into these amazing size 26 Rock and Republic jeans, or these incredible size 28 Joe's jeans?? How was I EVER this small, and WHY IN THE WORLD DID I EVER THINK I WAS FAT!?? Would I ever wear these again, and DO I even want to wear them again? Even at 40 lbs. more than what I usually weigh, my husband still finds me quite attractive. I've got more hips and he doesn't seem to mind at all....but will I?? Even if i lose every bit of weight I gained, I may still have widened hips from the baby making his way out...so my body may not be the same no matter what.

I don't plan on lacing up my running shoes right after I pop this kid out, I'm more worried about producing milk and finding time to sleep than shedding the lb's. I know that getting into shape isn't easy and takes a lot of work. When I got engaged, I didn't diet, I've never dieted. But I abstained from ice cream, wine, chocolate etc. for a whole 7 months. I drank 2 protein shakes a day, I got up at 5 am and took my happy engaged self to the gym religiously, did 30 mins of cardio 3-5 times a week and lifted light weights. I saw a dramatic change in my body. I had endurance and strength and my legs looked great. I had never felt better about myself in my life. All in all i only lost about 9 lbs. But I toned up and could totally see a difference. I HAD ABS PEOPLE! REAL ROCK HARD ABS! AND YOU COULD LITERALLY BOUNCE A QUARTER OFF OF MY ASS....A REAL QUARTER....no, I never actually bounced a quarter off of it, but I could have. It was hawt.

I had promised Dustin that I would get in shape healthily instead of using diet pills, barfing, starving etc. This time, I would do it the right way by exercise and sacrifice. I didn't get to enjoy the foods I normally enjoyed, & lost sleep from early morning workouts, but it was worth it. And he was proud of me, and I felt great wearing that wedding dress!

I say this because I'm looking at losing my "baby phat" with the same mind set....It's going to suck saying "NO" to the foods I love and not scarf down all of the sweets & wine that I so desire, but in order to achieve the body that I had before, (or one similar) I have to sacrifice. I have to put in the sweat and push myself or it will never happen.

Every woman seems to have that internal struggle with their body image. I know I'm not alone here. What are your thoughts and how have you conquered that little voice that says "Don't eat that bag of chips you big fat fatty! Eat celery sticks for breakfast lunch and dinner because you're a fat little fat-ass! You fatty!!"

That's what my voice tends to say.