Breaking Up Is Hard To Do.

This word "obedience" has come up a lot lately (for Dustin and i in many areas of our lives.) I know the lord is calling us to a season of change, growth, maturity, obedience and pruning off of us what is dead so new-fresh branches can grow. Seasons come and go, but this process should be a constant, even if we "feel" stagnant, God is always in the business of molding our hearts more to the shape of His.

One of my least favorite things to deal with as I train up my toddler to become a functioning human person in society is delayed obedience. If I tell you to do something, don't argue and putts around looking off in the other direction-with your tiny finger in your tiny cute nose, ignoring my words! "Look at me in my eyes & listen to my words!" Is what I say to my son when he tests my patience with his delayed obedience as i try to discipline. It is the most frustrating thing in the world! My skin gets warm, i feel the rage start to bubble up in my spirit, & I feel myself desire to squeeze his twiggy little arms. (If you've never experienced this as a parent, you're a robot OR you're just a whole lot more patient than I!)

Delayed obedience makes me twitch and shake! It makes me want to scream! That's when I have to take a deep breath and pray for an intervention! Please Jesus, intervene because my flesh wants to open a can of whoop some two year old ass at the moment! CAN I GET A WITNESS? BUT, this is what training kids is. Over and over and over we say, "Use your big boy words! Don't whine." and, "Don't pick your nose and wipe it on your sisters cheek!" (Lord help me!) and, "Share with your friend!" and my favorite, "You kick my seat one more time and do that annoying screech again and I will pull this car over and spank your bottom!" You like that one? Good stuff right?! My life is real glamorous!

Delayed obedience: Not responding to authority immediately.

That's what I've been doing to God. Not responding immediately to authority and doing my own thing. I've been picking my nose and wiping it on stuff like a two year old, just because I think I'm boss. But that's not really how this relationship works, me and god. I don't get to just wipe boogers on everything and act like a two year old.

God told me to quit a job that I was working at, (at a church when Dustin & I got married 6 years ago) but I didn't listen and a few weeks later, because I didn't listen to him when he gave me direction, I was consequently fired from that job. The reason was absolutely silly, which leads me to believe that it was a "god" thing. He was telling me, "If you don't obey and do as I say, I will remove you myself." Ouch. He was giving me the choice to do what was asked of Him and I chose not to listen, thus was removed from that job. (cuz' He knows some stuff about what's best for me.... no big deal, He's just the god of the whole universe.) Getting myself kicked to the curb from a job that I really loved, for a silly reason hurt. But he had GREATER things for me that I was missing out on. It's always better to listen the first time, I've learned. It could have saved me from a lot of heart ache.

Telling a toddler, "You need to listen the FIRST time!" is a hard concept, but one, I believe they can catch onto (eventually). A friend told me recently, "Don't treat Conrad like a baby. He's not a baby. He understands. What, are you going to wait til' he's five until you start training him to do what you want? At that point, you could reason with him more and it won't be such a fight? No, then it's too late."

God has been showing me that to be the kind of wife that my husband deserves and the kind of mother my kids need, I have to sacrifice my life for them in a different way. The proverbs 31 wife gets up before her family rises and gets the day prepared for them. She puts their needs above hers. I want to be that wife & Mom. (anyone who says the bible is outdated and not accurate needs to bust that shiz out because I find that it relates to my life on a daily basis. hash tag alert #justsayin)

Ahem..... back onto what I was saying. During new years, sitting at the table with my family, I asked everyone what their new years resolutions were or what their goals were for 2012. We all went around and said what our goals were. Mine was to be a better manager of my home. That's a great goal to work towards, but I don't believe that was what God's vision is for me this year, entirely. My Dad said that his goal that the lord has been convicting him of is Idolatry. He wants to get rid of his idols this year. The things he cherishes more than Jesus, the things that vie for his affections, he wants to be freed from those things. As he, in his humility, spoke about laying down his life for God and taking up his cross daily to follow Jesus more closely, I felt a heaviness in my heart, like God was saying, "I want that for you too."


One of my biggest idols is the Internet. I love pinterest, facebook, blogs etc. I have used facebook to connect with moms and get advice & I love looking at my friends cute kids & getting yummy recipes from pinterest and cute ideas to decorate my house, but it can distract me from what's important. It can make me feel discontent & take up time that I could be using to love my family better. (cleaning, meal planning, organizing, & working on Conrad's pre-school curriculum.)

A recent conversation with my husband:
Dustin: Did we have an earth quake while I was at work that I wasn't aware of? This place looks tore up.
Me:  Um, well, I spent nap time watching this really amazing birth video and looking on pinterest and chatting with my friend on fb and catching up with my blog friends then I took a shower and then BAM! The kids woke up...! Ooopsies. (cute smiling and batting eye lashes.) 
Dustin: that's wonderful honey, but I don't have clean socks......

Like, he's right. It's not all about me. I get it. My home is my job and it's not always an easy breezy beautiful cover girl type of gig. It's hectic. It's art class on Monday, play dates through out the week, nap schedules, grocery shopping, meal planning, folding 10 loads of laundry a week, home schooling Conrad, photography jobs & gymboree class on Friday. My kids are on a pretty tight schedule. We don't sit on our pj's all day watching Elmo. Keeping your head above water isn't easy, so sometimes it's nice to pretend that all of these tasks don't really exist and escape mentally from it all. (Hash tag allert) #pinterestismyboyfriend #pinterest=procrastination #pinterestmakesmeabadwife

I believe God put it on my heart to take a break from media all together a while back after watching {THIS} but I've been picking my nose and wiping it on stuff, ignoring his words, his voice, his nudgings because I love the things that bring me pleasure more than I love serving my family and making their lives easier (i.e. folding socks and managing my home.) It's shameful to admit. (I kind of doubt that I'm alone in these feelings though.)

So I'm taking a month long (gulp) break from my boyfriend "the Internet" and all of his sleazy, slutty, adulterous ways that have been making me whore myself all over the inter web (hypothetically speaking) and giving my attention and affections to an idol that can't lift me to the place that I need to be as a mother and wife. Only Jesus can purify and refine me. I just received this fantastic book to read through with my friend Randi for the next 90 days, and I can't wait to get my focus back and spend this time with the one who can revive me.

PLUS, my husband has been wearing the same socks for a week now.... so yeah, there's that part too.

Conrad has been sleeping in his big boy bed for 3 days now. He falls out every night but we put pillows down so the thud isn't as severe.....It's kind of sad but he's almost 3, so I know it's time! 

{See you in a month, sleaz-a-licious Interwebby boyfriend face.}

Ps, If you need me, you can reach me by email at crobbins223@gmail.com 
I will still be posting over on my photography blog.
A girls' gotta work Y'all.