"The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them."
Right around 4am this morning, my husband left to put in a few hours of studying and working on homework at work (in silence) before his co-workers got to the office. I fell back to sleep. I woke up about a half hour later to the sound of someone trying to open our bedroom window. I heard the skidding of someones hand as it pressed against the window as they were trying to pry it open. Then I heard someone walking by on our balcony trying to open the front door. The sound woke me right up and my eyes popped open, my heart instantly began beating fast and I froze. I couldn't move because I was scared and then I started praying because I was freaking out and no one was here to protect me- I couldn't even protect me. It was just me, home alone and I don't even have a taser, a rape horn or a knife or anything.... NOT THAT IT WOULD HAVE HELPED MUCH....big ol' 5'0 pregnant me trying to fight off an intruder! I grabbed my phone and calmly called 911. I spoke quickly and pronounced every word of my address perfectly. The police were at my house in minutes checking everything out.
After they left, I called Dustin to tell him what happened.
He was shocked and wanted to pray right away. I was a little shaken up and a bit emotional (had I had my taser, I might have felt a little bit more like a bad ass....Remind me to put that on the grocery list next time I go to the store.)
As we were praying, Dustin started sharing things in his heart that he needed to get off of his chest and make me aware of where his heart was. We started sharing things that we've been struggling with. For me, It's been my job. My roll as a Mom. Some days I'm just like, "UGH! God, the same thing over again!? Puzzles, Play Doh, Elmo....If I trip over one more toy and almost fall to my death, I SWEAR someone's going to have hell to pay! I'm tired, I'm annoyed, I'm impatient, I'm bored! My job sucks!" This has been my attitude. Instead of appreciating that I'M THE ONE who gets to love on my son everyday, that God has purposed ME to teach him his numbers and ABC'S not a daycare worker (bless them. I was a nanny for 6 years before I was a Mom and I fell in love with the kids I cared for. Day care workers are wonderful.) But being with him everyday is a blessing, not a curse.
After Dustin shared his dirt and asked for my forgiveness, I shared mine. I admitted that yesterday after I was all played out and wanted some "ME" time, I began obsessively cleaning my house as a way to escape my duties as a mom. I was ignoring my son & letting the TV babysit him. (It's probably OK to let my son watch an hour of TV while I do chores, but to ignore him for the majority of the afternoon, really isn't loving him like he deserves, OR how God calls me to love him.) The truth though is that the dishes can wait. He's only this little for so long.
We talked about more than just my escape mechanisms, we talked about major heart issues that have kept us distant and built tall walls around ourselves leaving us leading two separate lives. I won't bore you with all of my garbage though... It's not that juicy.
You think you can "hide" your sin or your short comings from your spouse but God only lets you live in that distance from one another for son long until He says "ENOUGH!" and uses things like almost getting robbed to renew your perspective, to renew your love, your marriage, your trust & to force you to look inward. It's strange that the knowledge of someone possibly breaking in and harming your family would be what makes a husbands heart cling to God, wanting not just the physical protection but also the spiritual. He knew that the intimacy in our relationship was being compromised and wanted to get us back on track. He knew that there were road blocks in our hearts keeping us far from God and far from each other. Things like that make me fall hopelessly in love with him even more.
After we got off of the phone, I spent some time with God and he gave me this beautiful picture of his love for me.
Psalm 34: I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed. The poor man cried, and the Lord heard him and saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them. Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him! Oh, fear the Lord, you his saints, for those who fear him have no lack! Those who seek the Lord lack no good thing. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. The Lord redeems the life of his servants; none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned.
I can't even begin to break down all of the promises I got from this verse about my life in it's current state. I certainly feel a renewed sense of freedom, protection and love today. AND I can't wait to put my Mommy hat on and snuggle my son when he wakes up! AND man, I love my husband.
Today is going to be a great day!