Wednesday, January 5

It's All About to Change Forever

Today I wore- Blue Skinny chords: Gap (x-mas gift from mom.) Shirt: Buffalo Exchange
Sweater: Anthro (mom's closet) Clip on pearl earrings: a gift from Dustin's grandma

Where's Conrad?
Yesterday my Mother in law and I grabbed a bite to eat after I took Conrad to the play gym to hang with his buddies. As I was quickly inhaling my Greek salad and mac and cheese, I glanced up at the two of them sitting across from me and suddenly burst into tears. Not cute, sweet-tears but loud obnoxious, uncontrollable tears. Full blown ugly cry was upon me. Before I could control my hyperventilating and explain to my m.i.l what was wrong, she handed me a napkin to clean my face and I tried to pull myself together.
(Aren't sudden-hormonal outbursts a such lovely part of pregnancy?)

He was sitting in the booth, NOT in his highchair. He was stabbing his muffin so gracefully and feeding himself like a big boy. He was sipping from his apple juice box and not squeezing it all over his shirt or in his face...."He's never going to be this little ever again!" I explained. Do other moms go through this painful realization? Will I be so overwhelmed and concentrated on my next baby that I forget to stop to savor the snuggles? I'm afraid of losing him.
We have a tiny 3 bedroom condo & we're trying to figure out whether we were going to make the office the baby's room or put the two kids together in one room. It makes me sad to take Conrad's routine away from him or interrupt his sleep with a new born baby in the same room as he's in. I love reading every night, singing our songs and snuggling him for a few minutes before I put him in bed. Even our nightly routine has been making me sad lately. I'm snuggling my sweet baby boy, whose already too big to be rocked, and I'm overcome with love for him. I'm sad that in a few months, my belly might be too big to really snuggle him good. It makes me sad.
I'm SO excited for him to have a buddy to play with and grow up with, but it's always just been the two of us all day together. You know when you're in love and you love that other person so intensely that it's almost a painful feeling? I believe mom's feel this painful-love feeling for their kids. My heart has been aching lately feeling like once this new baby comes, every last part of him that was once "baby" will be gone.
Today we played peek a boo in the curtains.
He thought I couldn't see him.....
Then he jumped out with a loud, "BOOO!" and found me!
{I have a feeling I'm going to be in just as much
"pain-love" with the next one.}

23 comments:

  1. Aww Chels you are too cute! I can't wait to see your next child creation and I bet Conrad can't wait for a little buddy!

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  2. so sweet! i'm sure he will love being a big brother :)

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  3. I know exactly how you feel. My little girl seems to be growing in front of my eyes. Things will change, but than you think of everything differently again. Shortly there after, you will have a hard time picturing how things would be if it never changed.
    No Guilt Fashion

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  4. you are such an amazing mother. I love having role models like you and reading your adventures :)

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  5. Thanks Tori. You're SO sweet. I appreciate such a sweet comment. I'm sure when that little bean comes, I'll be looking up at you as well and be proud of what a good mama you are! ;) You're going to have SO much fun!

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  6. i just want to let you know that i spent my ENTIRE pregnancy worrying and wondering what its going to be like with a new baby. worrying if austin is going to like her, worrying if i will love them the same, worrying if i can handle it all together. And all my worry was wasted because it just works. no matter what the situation is it will always work out. just have faith in that and enjoy your pregnancy :)

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  7. you are so beautiful !!! and little Conrad is a dreamboat and he will always be your baby!!! I have one turning 17 next week he is still my baby! I burst into tears when I read your post about you bursting into tears. Sister...i love you and dont even know you. I pray you have the most beautiful and health pregnancy enjoying little Conrad each moment along the way.

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  8. Aw, Shelley, now you've got me crying again! Thanks for the encouragement. You rock. I appreciate the love and prayers!

    ;)

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  9. Well I missed the announcement post as I was still out of town, but mucho congratulations!! This is exciting news! I love that your running through your pregnancy too, though I have gotten really wimpy as of late, haha. Your family is going to be beautiful, and our babies can be blog-baby-buddies. :)

    And my momma always said you don't love one less when baby no. 2 comes along, your heart just grows to make room for more. :) I know for sure that you'll love the whole process of a growing family. Can't wait for baby bump pics!

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  10. This brought tears to my eyes sweet mama. I love you, I love you. And AH I'm so glad with how you ended your post, saying you have a feeling that you're going to be in just as much "pain-love" with the next one. OH you TOTALLY will. Not that I've ever been a mother, but it would only make SENSE. It's not like you're going to be ignoring Conrad with this new baby coming. Start praying for his sweet little heart NOW that the Lord will just prepare it and soften it and ready it for this new child coming into his life: one he has to allow attention to be given to and he can't have it all the time. And that he will just immediately love this baby even BEFORE it comes out of you. I love you so much. God has a PERFECT story in line for you and your family. xoxo!

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  11. your hair looks so darling. i am always sad for the "baby" that gets dethroned:( went through it with each of my babies as I headed to the hospital to bring a newby home. and the first 2 weeks of having the new baby home was always an adjustment and I always missed my older kids like crazy because newborns are so helplessly consuming. but after that 2 week period, i could not imagine life without the new baby. everyone loves everybody so much it's so amazing.

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  12. Wonderfully put. Although we have no children yet, I get emotional thinking about all of the changes that are to come some day when we are finally able to get pregnant once, and then twice.

    I also got those cords for Xmas and LOVE them!

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  13. I completely understand how you are feeling. It's the biggest kind of love out there...

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  14. Chelsea, I know exactly how you're feeling! It was so hard for me to accept the fact that Claire wasn't going to be my baby anymore. I remember being pregnant with Faye and rocking Claire at night and crying my eyes out... because I loved her so much and because I missed her baby-ness. And then I cried a bajillion times when Faye came because I felt like I wasn't giving Claire enough attention. I was a disaster. You'll do a lot better than me I'm sure! All I can say is continue to enjoy every tiny second with Conrad. And yes, you will love this new tiny precious one just as much:)

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  15. Aw, cute little baby bump!

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  16. What a sweet post! It's so clear that you are just enjoying every little second of Conrad that you have, and you'll appreciate those little memories so much in the future. What a great mama you are!

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  17. I think that is one of my greatest fears with having children. I don't think I would be able to handle them growing up very well. I can barely handle my puppy growing up! I got her when she was 5 weeks and now she's about 7 months! sometimes when I look at her and think about how small she was and all the stuff she went through (she got very sick as a puppy) and then see how fearless she is now and how she can stand up and reach the counter to steal food, I cry. kinda sad, I know. it's definitely a mama thing, whether it's a real mama or a puppy mama.

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  18. Breanna Anderson06 January, 2011

    I feel exactly the way you do with this pregnancy I tried to explain it to my husband and he couldn't quite understand how I was feeling! I know it will be amazing however I just love Destry so much I can't imagine having that all over again with another child its overwhelming!!! You are a wonderful mommy and u have taken hold of every moment/memory through this blog and your irreplaceable pictures!!!

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  19. I don't know how you feel yet but I'm sure it's normal. Hell, my mom was just saying a few days ago that she can't believe I went from being a little baby to a 27 year old almost overnight. Time moves way too fast.

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  20. your hair looks gorgeous!!!

    soak up your conrad time, but remember there will be plenty more -- more love, more conrad, more family, more joy.

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  21. ah, man. you have me crying too. sometimes i don't have the words like you do, but i get it. i get the pain-love thing. it's so hard. & it's so sweet. watching them grow, & slowly "losing" them is painful & joyful. man! you are such a good writer. & such a good mom. xoxo!

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  22. he will be such a fun big brother! and you are going to be one hot mother of 2! :) ((ps i LOVE my skinny cords from gap.))

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  23. congratulations on being pregnant! anddd those pictures are adorable. the background is awseome too.

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