Baby Farts:

Our bedroom, 10:30 PM yesterday, we're both laying in bed debrief on our day. I'm half way finished telling my story about how we drove past some horses and stopped to talk to them and how cute our son was saying, "NAY! NAY!" the whole way home when all of a sudden I stop talking because Dustin starts choking.

Me: What? What's wrong?
Dustin: Choke, cough, gag- You've got the baby farts again. Ugh, that smell. Yep, It's the baby farts!
Me: I hit him in the arm. I am officially offended- So what! I farted. Who cares. I have to smell your ass juice all the time! Leave me alone. I'm pregnant!
Dustin: But babe, you could have paused on the horses and gone 3 feet away to unleash your baby-farts. It's gross. I'm not messing around, it's a god awful smell.
Me: BABY FARTS? Is it really THAT bad?
Dustin: Still choking- Um. Choke, cough. Um, yeah. I swear it's sticking to the walls! Ugh, I don't think I can fall asleep with that rancid smell lingering in the air.
Me: Why do you even have to say anything? Why can't I just fart if I need to? I swear, every time I fart you have to announce it to me. Let me fart for god sakes!
Dustin: Chels, that would be fine, but when you're pregnant, you just fart A LOT more and it's not like a normal fart. It's like poison oozing out of your butt or something, I don't even know. It's just awful. Ugh, God I'm going to throw up.
Me: Laughing devilishly and kicking my legs in the air delighted with my power to disgust him so deeply- Bahahah! Baby farts! I love it! Baahhaha! 

Dustin and I have always had a really playful relationship-sort of comparable to the relationship my older brother and I have. When I was little, Vinni and I were pretty vile children. We played pranks on each other and these pranks weren't something a "girl" should have been involved in. I remember running around the house trying to fling boogers at my brother. We'd try to rub them in each others hair. (What was wrong with me!) I remember one time, he pinned me to the ground and did that thing where you let your spit hang down just far enough and then you slurp it back up into your mouth real fast before it hits the other persons face. The only difference this time was that he had a mouthful of half chewed M&M's and his spit was heavy and gross. So as I'm screaming, "NOoooOOO!" my mouth is open and the spit/chocolate nastiness falls into my mouth. Then he makes me swallow it. Still makes me gag til' this day. We used to wrestle pretty hard too. I remember giving him bloody noses on a few occasions. I think not having a little brother around made him want to teach me how to scrap or something. I think I could be a good little fighter If I had to throw down though, thanks to my brother. We actually did a lot of "guy" stuff together. I was OBsessed with Street Fighter, Mario Brothers and Donkey Kong because of him. He bought me my first snowboard too. We snowboarded a lot together. I think my childhood would have been a lot less fun without him-even if he thought I was his pseudo little brother that he could scrap with and have booger flinging fights with.

My relationship with my brother sort of made me think that this is how you interact with boys and so now my husband has to deal with my un-ladylike ways. We have butter cupping contests and water fights on the regular. Is this normal? Is it normal to waft farts in your spouses face? Farts are so funny though. Is this something a lady should do? Farting? Sure, when we got married, I looked like a pretty "nice" young lady, not the type to fart on the one she loved. Should Dustin have been warned of my vile ways and ran for the hills??

I feel like I OVER-SHARE with my husband too much too. Does anyone else do this? Most woman want to lock themselves behind closed doors to do their face picking, tweezing and grooming and they would be mortified if their husbands saw half the crap we do the beautify ourselves, but not me. If I find a gnarly ingrown hair, I stop him from whatever he's doing to come check it out and watch me dissect it. I feel like I should have some sort of filter though. Like, he doesn't need to see me pop my black heads or zits NO MATTER how unbelievable they are. No man should have to witness his wife's grooming regiment.

(Looks can be deceiving can't they?)

Oh God, what if we have a GIRL? How do I raise her as a lady if I'M not a lady myself?

I'm fearful for my daughter that she's going to grow up and be just like me. Do I have to stop being me just because I might have a lady-daughter-girl to show a lady-like example to? I'm a little upset by this.

Little sweet baby, Why do you make me so gassy? Why?

{Are you getting a girl vibe from this photo or a boy vibe?}