Relentless Love.

I pray that Conrad's love story is not as twisty and dark-like ours was. No wait, I take that back.

I just want it to be beautiful. Whether it's dark or hard or not picture perfect, I want it to be wonderful. I want Jesus to be at the core of it. I always wonder what advice I'll want to give him when he starts dating. Of course, I'd prefer that he not go whoring around town, not give away whats sacred to a woman who isn't his wife. BUT, when you're a teenager, you see the world in tunnel vision. You don't see life outside of what's going on in your tiny universe, so every experience is so much more intense and the sting of a first love lost can be so much more painful. I will attest to that. I would hope that in raising our son to know Jesus and to understand the gospel lived out in front of him, he might decide to keep his tools in his tool box so-to-speak. I hope by explaining to him how significant it was that when I married Dustin, he had no past experiences or regrets to explain, he might count purity as a high priority.

I love our love story so much because had I been walking right with Jesus, I would have never given Dustin a second look. I would never have wanted to date someone who didn't share the same beliefs. God is so sovereign though. Back then, I deserved a real scum bag, and yet God gave me someone beyond what I could have imagined. I love that Dustin got to walk beside me during the hardest times of my life. I was this heathen christian girl who was so messed up and here he was, such a sweet boy, knew nothing about Jesus and this scandalous christian girl shows him who God was. Anyway. I just find it kind of funny that it worked out that way. I wrote this a few months ago thinking it would never see the light of day, but I thought It might be fun to share one of our first dates and hear something about how your love story is special to you.

(Us, the first year we were married:)

"Turn around! Close-your-eyes...."

I remember one of our first dates. You took me to the drive in. We watched some seriously stupid Tom Cruse movie. I suggested we pick up a "beverage" to make things interesting. You stopped at the liquor store and put your fake ID to use.

Half way through the movie I was toast. THE LAST SAMURAI! That was the name of that stupid movie. How could I forget! Tom Cruse. What a piece of work! Anyway. We were on our second date at the drive in. I was throwing back shots of jack Daniels like a jack ass trying to be cool and chasing it with swigs of coke right out of the bottle. I'm a true lady. You were sort of impressed. We were laughing and making fun of Tom Cruse and then I had to pee, so I asked if you'd walk me to the ladies room. (I'm surprised I didn't just squat on the side of the car in the dirt. I was really classy back then.) You opened your door and walked around the car to mine. You grabbed my hand to help me out of the car. What a gentlemen. I was in big trouble. As we made our way to the restroom, I was stumbling in my cutesie heels and was falling all over the place. My feet were sinking into the rocks and sand making it impossible to walk, the Jack didn't help either. I SHOULD have been completely mortified, but was too drunk to care. You laughed and said, "You're OK, I've got you. You're OK....." I wasn't "OK". In any sense of the word. I was broken. Completely broken and hurting. Every part of my life was completely in shambles but you said I was OK. So there we were.

On the way back to my house I opened the car door (YOUR BRAND NEW CAR DOOR btw.) Twice at stop lights to throw up. I managed to only get "some" barf on your brand new car interior and nice new car carpet, the rest I puked out onto the asphalt and in my hair. Train wreck. I know. You hardly knew me. What an impression I was making. You warned me to shut the door because a cop was behind us. I then shouted, "Screw that damn cop! He can wait til' I'm done!"....or something along those lines.

We get to my house. It's late. You help me to my door. Your heart is thumping loudly. How dare you return me home like this! We're at my doorstep and I'm digging through my purse for my keys. The motion sensor light blinks on blinding us both. I keep searching but can't find them. I reach for the door bell and ring it. You're sweating balls right now asking yourself this, "Why didn't she throw a brick through the window after i drove away to let herself in?" Dumb girl.

My Dad comes to the door. His eyes are half way open. He's in his nut huggers. You both mumble something to one another and he lets us both in. He has just had brain surgery. He's not himself, nor am i. We make our way to my room. You kiss me goodnight and are making your exit when I beg you to stay and lay with me until I fall asleep. You agree. But first I need to change into my jammies. I ask you not to look and I turn my back away from your eyes. AT LEAST I STILL HAVE SOME MORALS RIGHT? You are a gentlemen so you respect my drunk ass and don't peek. (How embarrassing.) I change and fall into your arms as and we lay for a while on my small twin size bed. You scratch my back and wait for me to fall asleep and then you leave without me noticing.....

We are quickly falling in love.

That year, you would become the only constant in my life....

That year, there was NOTHING on earth that could get the smell of barf out of your car....
For the millionth time, I'm very sorry about that.

One of my most favorite memories is when I asked you to come over because I didn't want to be alone after my sister passed. You yourself were just starting to read the bible and you knew that it would comfort me, so you layed on the floor of my room beside my bed and read to me as I cried myself to sleep. You slept on my bedroom floor that night. I love that memory. I love how you loved me. You walked through such horrible days with me as I mourned my sisters death and my mothers addiction and the changes in my father since his brain surgery. I was a mess, but you were so utterly relentless in your pursuit of me. The roots of our love grew deep as the months flew by-almost without us even realizing it.

(I totally look like I'm farting in this picture.

Rest assured, I'm not farting. I'm just smiling weird.)

When I think of our relationship, I'm also reminded of my relationship with God. How he is so relentless in his pursuit of us. Back then you should have kicked my butt to the curb, but you didn't. You were so steadfast and faithful in your friendship to me. I beat you up many times and used you as my punching bag, but you loved me anyway.

The start of our love story started seven years ago. I'm glad my life doesn't look as dark and twisty as it once did. I'm thankful for what we have and I'm not ashamed of where we've come. It's encouraging to look back at how the Lord has changed our hearts and fixed our eyes on Him so we could love eachother more.

One of the most comforting things to know about God's love is that it's not based on my performance. He doesn't LOVE ME MORE when I follow the ten commandments and don't swear, or when I tell my mother in law her lasagna is good when I didn't care for it. I always imagine him wagging his finger when I do wrong and giving me gold stars when I do good. I believe his grace goes deeper than my gold star chart. His love doesn't waver. I've lived much of my christian life believing that I could work my way to his approval. That I could be loved MORE by being "good." Sure he'd rather me not rob banks, but It's not about being a "good person" or a "bad person." We find so many times in the gospel, situations where Jesus is infuriated by religious people who've got it all together on the outside but the inside doesn't represent the outside at all. I pray that our marriage continues to represent healing and change. **I pray that the sin in our lives is continually being braught to light so that we can experience grace and know Jesus more. And of course, I hope for laughter to always fill our home and silly faces to be a constant.

{Tell me about your love story.}