Short and Sweet.

Today we met with a really wonderful Christian doctor who has agreed to deliver our next baby via "VA-jay-jay" instead of slicing me open (sorry for lack of better words.) I'm not totally against slicing girls open, I'm just a little uneasy, offended, bothered, upset, disgruntled, angry etc. that almost EVERY friend of mine has the same story. They all had emergency C-Sections. It seems like it's happening all the time. It's normal. It's no big deal. Well. For me, It has been an extremely big deal. I feel like a lot of my failure to breastfeed, have energy, and bounce back from the hormonal face plant we all feel after childbirth was way more intense than it might have been had I not been completely drugged up on pain meds for two weeks after I was cut open. I feel like those first few weeks were such a blur because I wasn't myself and couldn't properly care for my baby like I wanted to. BUT, believe me. I trust that my birth was exactly what the Lord had planned. It wasn't MY plan, but it has taught me a lot. AND I'm grateful for doctors who are trained to deal with situations like mine where things don't happen like they're supposed to.

(It would be cool to see this piece of art in a doctor's office.)

We told him the whole story of Conrad's birth and he was totally impressed that I labored for 13 hours without pain meds ON Pitosin. He was VERY encouraging about the next delivery and felt like from what he heard from us, I was induced way too early and next time around, He WILL NOT induce me. He can't induce me actually because the risks are higher of my uterus rupturing and such. He supports us in our desires and he seemed very nonchalant about it actually. He told us that he had just done a V-Bac the night before and he said it's no big deal, it's just labor. There is a 1% chance of rupturing and it usually happens when the woman is about 8 centimeters dilated. He was extremely honest about the "business" of labor and delivery these days. He agreed that most doctors would rather do C-sections because they don't have to wait around for the woman to labor and it's more "cost effective" but it doesn't mean that what's going on is right. He seemed very transparent and genuine. When I talked to him about birth being a very worshipful experience and how the husband has a big roll in birthing his children, his eyes got watery which made us feel like he had the same passion/heart that we have.

He did however let us know that during the birth, If he sees that something isn't right, he has no problem making sure that I am safe and the baby is safe, but that there is no reason to worry about having a vaginal birth after c-section.

Dustin has been reading this book and we've been discussing the topic of birth and what it means to us recently, having had a C-section and feeling like all of the nurses were making decisions and did not give me peace to labor. They were very eager to urge me to take pain meds and getting on my nerves while I was laboring.... I told the doctor that I felt like my desire to labor was taken from me and I felt robbed. (I had Dustin come to the appointment with me in case I turned into a pile of mush, which I did, and he spoke on my behalf.) I have this huge will and passion to experience my birth an go through the process. I would almost compare it to a man's desire to provide for his family and be the breadwinner. I'm sure he gets a lot of gratification doing so. I feel a deep urning for the same gratification that birth might give me. I hated laying in a hospital bed waiting hours upon hours for SOMETHING to happen until nothing happened and I get a c-section. I might have been able to go home and continue to labor there or wait, but it would have been against doctors orders for me to leave, and if i left, and something happened to the baby, the insurance wouldn't have covered it or something....

I wonder sometimes why there weren't nurses there encouraging me to walk the halls, coaching me to breath correctly, and telling me I could do it, don't give up! I had no cheerleaders. I had a nurse who smelled like cigarettes and fake tanning lotion who had better thank her lucky stars I didn't throw up all down her cute mickey mouse scrubs as I was hunched over her shoulder getting my epidural. Either way, we're going to deliver in a hospital though. I'm not a doctor hater. They are educated and have tons of experience. I have Friends who are labor and delivery nurses and doctor friends. I don't think they're idiots who don't value the birthing process, or lame brains who just want to cover their asses. I think there are a lot of them who love medicine and are gifted to practice. And some who aren't.

So enough of my ranting. I am thankful that the Lord has fashioned this desire in my heart and my husbands heart to search out a doctor who will be on board with us even if our way may not be the most popular way of doing things, I feel an enormous tugging at my heart that this is the best thing for us.

*We're not pregnant yet. We may not be for many months-(or a few months, weeks, days.... whatever!) But I kind of felt like before I EVEN got pregnant, I wanted to interview a few Doctors to see what my options were.

**Thank you to my friends who have listened to me rant and bitch and curse the man these last few months about how jacked up our system is. I've cried many tears and prayed many prayers about this next chapter in my life and I have a really wonderful support of girls who understand the desires I have. I also respect hospitals and nurses and midwives for the difficult jobs they do. I do not in any way knock hospitals or think they're lame at all. This time around though, I will be staying at home as long as I can (the baby's right arm will be sticking out waving to us.....) and then we will go to the hospital!


I was really hoping this post would be "short and sweet"
Thanks for reading.
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