Don't leave me hungry for love.

(I apologize ahead of time for this really random blog that doesn't have a point

or one specific topic. Thanks for allowing me this rant of sorts.)

I was on my way home from the park today and heard this song.

which really convicted me and stirred my heart.

Here is a video explaining the song.

I really loved these lyrics:

I look around and see my wonderful life

Almost perfect from the outside

In picture frames I see my beautiful wife

Always smiling

But on the inside, I can hear her saying...

“Lead me with strong hands

Stand up when I can't

Don't leave me hungry for love

Chasing dreams, what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight

That I'm still the love of your life

I know we call this our home

But I still feel alone”

This week, while Dustin & I argued about whose job was harder, I said in my head, "So I guess you'd like to stay home with Conrad and I'll just dress nice and go to work all day! Would you like to trade me jobs?!" Then realizing what his reaction would be, "Um, YEAH?! Dummy! Of course I'd love to stay home and play with my son all day?!" I didn't spit those words out, but instead my attitude changed right then when I realized how good I have it, and how hard Dustin's job must be. (I'm working on filtering my words before I say them....THAT WAY, I don't sound like a retard as often.)

Here is a photo of Dustin at work (wearing the brown shirt) making sure every one's doing what they're supposed to be doing and collecting soil samples in the desert, sweating his balls off. Poor guy.

Here is a photo I took while "on the job" Going on morning walks to the park and listening to birds chirp, while I get to gush over this happy little face. It's pretty much the greatest job on the planet!

I'm SO glad I'm not sweating my ball off in the desert collecting soil samples today!

Being a Dad is hard. Juggling work, going in everyday with a smile on your face and giving it your all so you can get raises and do well (so you can pay off thousands of dollars in student loans.....) , then coming home with a smile on your face after a hard day, and being everything to everyone who depends on you seems incredibly daunting. I sure as heck would rather stay home with the baby than wake up at 3:30am and work 60 hour work weeks! Go Dustin! You're a better man than I.

The line "don't leave me hungry for love" is so simple and yet something we seem to forget when it comes to the ones we love. It's easy to leave my husband starving for my affections and It's easy to neglect and live as if I'm the only one who matters. I'm WAY better at being selfish than I at at living a life of service towards my husband with the attitude of "What are your needs, what can I do to serve you, and, AM I putting you before myself?" Most of the time I'm looking out for number one. Aren't we all!

That's all we really want when it comes to relationships. We want that desire for love to be quenched. We want to be satisfied and cared for. I think we ALL desire that. I think the Lord has been working on my heart towards Dustin lately and showing me that my marriage isn't about ME. I'm REALLY trying to be THAT wife who makes lists and remembers everything, and makes gourmet dinners every night, but I'm SO not! I was explaining to Dustin that I want to be THAT wife, and I was apologizing for being so crummy at my role and our conversation went a little something like this:

Chelsea: I didn't make dinner again. Don't hate me! I'm a horrible wife and mother! (Drama Queen)

Dustin: Stop beating yourself up! Come here and let me rub your feet, you've worked so hard today!(sarcasm)

Chelsea: Shut up! Now I feel even MORE guilty for sucking! You should be yelling at me or something.

Dustin: So Hey, I'm gunna run to Fausto's for a burrito, since you didn't make me a gourmet dinner!

Want one?!?"

Chelsea: NO! JERK! I'm on that diet remember?! Now I have to sit here and watch you eat a burrito?

Dustin: Well, where's my dinner then?!
Chelsea: I guiltily hang my head and under my breath, I utter:

I'll have a ham breakfast burrito. Thanks.

So on my run last night, after Dustin forced me out of the house to go clear my head (all of these decisions are making me crazy lately. Do we move or do we stay! Ahhhh!) I was praying and the thing that kept coming up in my head was the word GRACE. How important it is to support Dustin when he makes mistakes and love him through his failures. And for him to do the same, knowing that we must forgive and have mercy on our spouse as Christ has shown us mercy. Anyway.

Recently I misplaced my phone in a hotel bathroom. We waited a full day and kept calling the hotel to see if anyone had turned it in. No one turned it in. I went into Tmobile to get a new phone and didn't check to see if anyone had been CALLING CUBA with my phone charging it 200 dollars in long distance fees! I just figured someone wanted the actual phone, I didn't expect someone to go ahead and make expensive 1.99 a minute calls to CUBA with it!

The point of my story is this, I called Dustin today to tell him of the said 200 dollars we have to pay, that we're responsible to pay, and after a loud, "F those mother F'ers who used your F-ING phone to call MOTHER F-ING CUBA!! Who do they think they are!" He calmed down, uttered a few more profanities and collected himself. For my husband to curse like this, shit must have been hitting the fan hard core. I'm not joking. He's got a relatively clean mouth. I was like "WHOA BABE! Whoa!" If he had taken his frustrations out on me instead of Cuba, I would have totally deserve it.

Showing our spouses grace through their failures is hard. I should have been more responsible with my phone. I know this now. God help me, I'm never going to let my phone out of my sight ever again, I don't care if I have to tie it to my neck, I will not lose it again!

AND on a completely unrelated note, can someone please explain to my husband that this purple lipstick and head band DO NOT make me look like a Gothic-gypsy!

In person the lipstick is pretty harsh....but not deserving of the title "Gothic-gypsy!"

what do men know anyway!