Thursday, July 22

Don't leave me hungry for love.

(I apologize ahead of time for this really random blog that doesn't have a point
or one specific topic. Thanks for allowing me this rant of sorts.)

I was on my way home from the park today and heard this song.
which really convicted me and stirred my heart.

I really loved these lyrics:
I look around and see my wonderful life
Almost perfect from the outside
In picture frames I see my beautiful wife
Always smiling
But on the inside, I can hear her saying...
“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, what about us?
Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”

This week, while Dustin & I argued about whose job was harder, I said in my head, "So I guess you'd like to stay home with Conrad and I'll just dress nice and go to work all day! Would you like to trade me jobs?!" Then realizing what his reaction would be, "Um, YEAH?! Dummy! Of course I'd love to stay home and play with my son all day?!" I didn't spit those words out, but instead my attitude changed right then when I realized how good I have it, and how hard Dustin's job must be. (I'm working on filtering my words before I say them....THAT WAY, I don't sound like a retard as often.)

Here is a photo of Dustin at work (wearing the brown shirt) making sure every one's doing what they're supposed to be doing and collecting soil samples in the desert, sweating his balls off. Poor guy.
Here is a photo I took while "on the job" Going on morning walks to the park and listening to birds chirp, while I get to gush over this happy little face. It's pretty much the greatest job on the planet!
I'm SO glad I'm not sweating my ball off in the desert collecting soil samples today!

Being a Dad is hard. Juggling work, going in everyday with a smile on your face and giving it your all so you can get raises and do well (so you can pay off thousands of dollars in student loans.....) , then coming home with a smile on your face after a hard day, and being everything to everyone who depends on you seems incredibly daunting. I sure as heck would rather stay home with the baby than wake up at 3:30am and work 60 hour work weeks! Go Dustin! You're a better man than I.

The line "don't leave me hungry for love" is so simple and yet something we seem to forget when it comes to the ones we love. It's easy to leave my husband starving for my affections and It's easy to neglect and live as if I'm the only one who matters. I'm WAY better at being selfish than I at at living a life of service towards my husband with the attitude of "What are your needs, what can I do to serve you, and, AM I putting you before myself?" Most of the time I'm looking out for number one. Aren't we all!

That's all we really want when it comes to relationships. We want that desire for love to be quenched. We want to be satisfied and cared for. I think we ALL desire that. I think the Lord has been working on my heart towards Dustin lately and showing me that my marriage isn't about ME. I'm REALLY trying to be THAT wife who makes lists and remembers everything, and makes gourmet dinners every night, but I'm SO not! I was explaining to Dustin that I want to be THAT wife, and I was apologizing for being so crummy at my role and our conversation went a little something like this:

Chelsea: I didn't make dinner again. Don't hate me! I'm a horrible wife and mother! (Drama Queen)
Dustin: Stop beating yourself up! Come here and let me rub your feet, you've worked so hard today!(sarcasm)
Chelsea: Shut up! Now I feel even MORE guilty for sucking! You should be yelling at me or something.
Dustin: So Hey, I'm gunna run to Fausto's for a burrito, since you didn't make me a gourmet dinner!
Want one?!?"
Chelsea: NO! JERK! I'm on that diet remember?! Now I have to sit here and watch you eat a burrito?
Dustin: Well, where's my dinner then?!
Chelsea: I guiltily hang my head and under my breath, I utter:
I'll have a ham breakfast burrito. Thanks.

So on my run last night, after Dustin forced me out of the house to go clear my head (all of these decisions are making me crazy lately. Do we move or do we stay! Ahhhh!) I was praying and the thing that kept coming up in my head was the word GRACE. How important it is to support Dustin when he makes mistakes and love him through his failures. And for him to do the same, knowing that we must forgive and have mercy on our spouse as Christ has shown us mercy. Anyway.

Recently I misplaced my phone in a hotel bathroom. We waited a full day and kept calling the hotel to see if anyone had turned it in. No one turned it in. I went into Tmobile to get a new phone and didn't check to see if anyone had been CALLING CUBA with my phone charging it 200 dollars in long distance fees! I just figured someone wanted the actual phone, I didn't expect someone to go ahead and make expensive 1.99 a minute calls to CUBA with it!

The point of my story is this, I called Dustin today to tell him of the said 200 dollars we have to pay, that we're responsible to pay, and after a loud, "F those mother F'ers who used your F-ING phone to call MOTHER F-ING CUBA!! Who do they think they are!" He calmed down, uttered a few more profanities and collected himself. For my husband to curse like this, shit must have been hitting the fan hard core. I'm not joking. He's got a relatively clean mouth. I was like "WHOA BABE! Whoa!" If he had taken his frustrations out on me instead of Cuba, I would have totally deserve it.

Showing our spouses grace through their failures is hard. I should have been more responsible with my phone. I know this now. God help me, I'm never going to let my phone out of my sight ever again, I don't care if I have to tie it to my neck, I will not lose it again!

AND on a completely unrelated note, can someone please explain to my husband that this purple lipstick and head band DO NOT make me look like a Gothic-gypsy!
In person the lipstick is pretty harsh....but not deserving of the title "Gothic-gypsy!"

what do men know anyway!

16 comments:

  1. your blog posts are always THE most entertaining.

    always.

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  2. Entertaining and tear inducing. Why must you make me cry? Marriage is definitely a learning experience. I was a single adult for all of my 20's and changing from the independent and subsequently somewhat selfish lifestyle I led to now being married is an evolution of sorts. For both of us. It amazes me how much my husband serves me. And I feel so guilty some (most of) the time lately because Im pregnant and feel like I have so many needs and am too tired and swollen to come home from my easy job and clean or cook or anything. Given our current situation with no job in sight after he finished his law degree, school loans, and he is working himself silly trying to support us (and this baby)somehow with the constant dread of knowing that we wont have any stable income once this baby is born. He bears it beautifully. I know things will work out, we have a wonderful support system.....where did this all come from. Im full of word vomit lately.

    Anyways, your words resonate with me. And are inspiring. Im sure you are doing a great job, but remembering to put others first is a full time job and I find those who continually struggle to do so more in their lives very valiant. Go Chelsea.

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  3. Sounds like you have a wonderful husband. A love story that sounds like mine! I love love love reading about the two of you and your adventures together. The conversations you have and the way you are together remind me so much of my and my Jacob. :-)

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  4. oh boy did i need to read this today!!!
    in the middle of this house buying/moving process i have been ready to rip my poor hubby a new one on more than one occasion...it has probably been the most stressful time in my life (also because i don't know..i'm 6 1/2 months pregnant and a hormonal crazy person right now!).
    anyway, just last night we got into an argument over who should have more grace on who because "my job is harder than yours AND i'm dealing with this on top of it!" thinking about it now it seems silly. we should be on the same side and i should be forgiving when he forgets to tell me about the hundreds of dollars that are about to be taken from the wrong account because our loan officer doesn't know what the heck she's doing. SIGH. life is hard sometimes. thank you for posting this. i needed a reminder today and i now i think i need to go apologize.


    xo

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  5. I love this post :)
    You kind of hit home for me with the first part of this. Thanks for showing us true feelings & emotions & for making me think! :)
    & Gothic Gypsy (hehe) isn't such a bad look!! It looks pretty on you! I love that headband!
    xx, Jamie

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  6. I just got home from a run with my little one and that song came on the radio. I had to pull over I was crying so hard (we missed nap thanks to that episode). I have felt so convicted about the same stuff, I feel God really calling me to meditate on Phil 4:8 when it comes to my husband. To love him through his failures and cover him with grace, to see whatever is lovely and beautiful in him instead of seeing all that I do right and he does wrong. I could have written this post (way less eloquently). It smacks of truth, hardcore.

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  7. Chelsea! You know that I'm right here with you on all of this! I'm totally dealing with all of this. I'm just now figuring out that my marriage is about me AND Lane. I'm learning to be thankful that I get to be home with the girls instead of wishing that I could be the one that gets a 12 hour "break" from them everyday. I know Lane would LOVE to be with them 24 hours a day and he'd consider it a blessing. Why are women so dramatic??? Geez. But I'm so glad you posted this. It was eye opening. Thanks friend.

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  8. We just had a my job is harder than your fight. Sounds like everyone else did too....

    The lipstick and headband look lovely!

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  9. Thanks for always being so real. It's refreshing, and although I am not married (yet), I know that this heart is God's heart.

    The lipstick is sassy!

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  10. I really really love your hair in these pictures, Stunning!

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  11. Hahaha, I think you look gorgeous! Gothic gypsy? Not so sure, but that's only because I've never seen one in real life. Your son is adorable!! Love your blog.

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  12. the lipstick and headband is SUPER cute!!! not at allll gothic or gypsy :) coming back to read the rest of your post later :)

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  13. but omygosh i just read the first part and i've been crying over that song for the last few weeks!!

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  14. mmmm, good post! the good for the soul kind. i put that song to a father's day slide show & there wasn't a dry eye in the place! such powerful lyrics.

    & YOU! you are SO cute (as always. sheesh.) if i wore a headband like that, i'd be stoned. just sayin.

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  15. It is an amazing post - I already read it during this week in my feedreader and liked it a lot.

    And I keep laughing on the CUBA "breakout"... sorry, this is soooo annoying having to pay so much money, but his reaction is great. I am suddenly thankful that my mobile is on prepaid card.

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