Wednesday, December 10

Flatulence & Turdies on the delivery table!

Email excerpt from conversation with Mom:

Me: ...."And what if I take a monster poopy on the delivery table?? I don't want him seeing that! I'm not tryin' to have a bunch of people in the delivery room watchin' my va-jay-jay rip open either! (And don't even get me started on the pregnancy gas! I've never had such huge-nasty farts in my life! And they stink like you wouldn't believe. Dustin makes comments about them like "Damn Babe!" when I fart. And I'm like "Honestly, you really don't need to comment on the farts anymore because I know they're rank. I'm sorry Honey!" It happens so often, It's not even worth being polite anymore and leaving the room.")

Mom: "Chels, I have gas even when I'm not pregnant!"

Mom knows just what to say to make me feel a little less-nasty.

Yes, I'm glowing, and beautiful, and baring the gift of a child and blah-blah-blah. It's wonderful and little doves fly around my head singing merely all day long- and yes, I fart and I'm grotesque. So there. I don't even care. Infact, I often warn my co-workers not to come near my desk some days for the risk of someone chocking on the stench of my pregnancy-ass-explosions! YES, I'm really that disgusting. I'm pregnant and it's harder to suck my farts back in now, and I'm perfectly fine being grotesque! And if I make a turdie on the delivery table, so be it! I have no shame at this point.

It's been harder now to get out of bed, or attempt shoe-tying for that matter. Dustin makes fun of me because I can't possibly tie my shoes without making fat-man grunting sounds. He's been helping me with my shoes which is incredibly cute seeing him struggle to get them on my fat-puffy feet. I've also come up with a getting-out-of-bed technique. I call it the "Rollie Pollie." I pretty much just jerk my body in a rolling motion and tumble out of bed instead of the pre-pregnancy, sit-straight- up out of bed using my rock-hard abs. Now I resort to the "Rollie Pollie" and grunting to catapult myself out of bed. Dustin is convinced I do these ridiculous things to entertain him, but trust me, I do them out of necessity. I'm a fat-fatty y'all.

I've been an emotional basket-case this week too. I was in the bathroom crying one morning at work and it wasn't even 7:15 yet. I told Dustin, "I've been so emotional the last few days!" and he's like "The last few days!!!???- The last few months!!!"

But the one ray of sun-shine in my world this week has been a little birds nest outside the window at work. I can sit at my desk and adore the adorable-ness of this adorable birds nest and it brings me great joy. I sometimes have doubts and fears of how great of a Mom I'm going to be or that my baby is OK, things like that. It's comforting to know that God takes care of those birds just like He's going to take care of my little baby-bird too. (Tear)

I've also had these tracks on repeat in the car and computer:
Page France- "Chariot" & "Jesus"
Jamual Saxon- "Suspense Instead" I usually play this in the car loud enough for the baby to get down to the sick beats. (Dustin's going to give me crap for saying "sick beats"...) It's about the connection between a mother and son. Melts my heart. Also download "Evaporation's" It's off the chains. (Like that Dustin??) itunes-it-up y'all.

1 comment:

  1. you make me want to be pregnant and have nasty farts!!! gosh you are just too funny!