His Ear Is Not Deaf To My Voice.

A week ago I asked God to give me new eyes this year, a new vision, a new perspective, a new word, a new anointing, a new ministry, a new desire, a new heart, & a newness of life. During this time of prayer the word "new" kept coming up. I kept saying, new new new I need a new____________. Over and over.

One of last years lessons was that His arms are not too short, his ears are not deaf to my voice,  & he doesn't disappoint. If I can choose to have faith and believe him for who he is, If I can muster the faith, He will glady reach out his arm and put my desires right into my hand. If I've learned anything, I've learned that his ear is not deaf to my voice. Even if my words are few, his ear hears what my heart says.

After a few months of walking through a drought with god, I believe the cloud of grey has washed away and the Vail of fog over my eyes has been lifted. It's like I woke up one morning and knew what I wanted. The vision, the desire, the hope, the newness was suddenly no longer a longing or idea-a prayer, it was reality.

There is nothing in this whole world that I've ever felt like I was made to do (other than serve my husband & kiddlets & be a daughter of the Lord....) than help other woman gain the tools necessary to birth. Nothing excites me more than seeing a woman experience natural childbirth. Nothing. Those tiny moments when everyone in the rooms hearts are beating so hard you could hear it right as a baby is being birthed, nothing else going outside of what's happening in those moments matters, the air is thick with love, anticipation, excitement, & adrenaline. There is a sense of holiness lingering. Eyes are wet with tears. You look at the mother and her hair is drenched in sweat, she is focused on the prize, her baby. Your heart hurts because you know that she's feeling everything, you wish you could take that pain away, but you know that her PAIN BRINGS LIFE! She is working hard and working with her baby. She is on this precious journey with her baby-they are experiencing every single contraction together. Every time she feels a rush, her baby also feels a tightness around it's body as her body works to give birth. There is something magical about this relationship during the birth process. Birth is a drug.

It is.

When I was looking for a doula, I was really specific with God with what my requirements were. I needed a praying doula. I needed a doula who loved Jesus and knew that birth was much more than just pushing a baby out. It was a spiritual thing just as much as it was a physical thing. I was blessed to be led to a church (with many like minded woman who are passionate about birth) and was blessed to be invited to photograph & pray during Carrington's birth. Her birth changed the idea of natural birth for me in a big way. My fear was replaced with excitement and eagerness to experience it myself.

After she had her baby and was snuggled in with her new family upstairs in bed, I was chatting with her doula as they were cleaning and working and I said, "You seriously have the best job in the world!" She replied, "I know." Having a praying friend who acted as my doula during my labor saved me. It seriously SAVED me from letting my mind say, "I'm done! Take me to the hospital and numb me up! I can't do it!" It saved me from having thoughts that something horrible was going to happen, or that the people surrounding me were not equipped to handle any situation during my birth. She was incredible. To say "thank you" to my midwife or Carrington seems like it's not sufficient. In return for what they've done for me, I hope to repay them by doing the same for other woman.

So that is my prayer, my desire, my longing, to be a praying-Jesus loving-birth junky-doula. I want to minister to other woman and show them that they are a lot stronger than they ever imagined they could be! I want to be that beacon of strength for another woman like Carrington was for me during my birth.

He is telling me, urging me, responding to my longings with affirmation after affirmation to keep dreaming and pursuing what life would look like If I became a doula/birth educator. He is telling me to ask BIG of him. He's not done with this passion that he's given me for birth. He is telling me that birth is much more than just pushing a baby out! It is a spiritual thing, a holy thing. After lots of prayer and counsel from friends, I will be starting this journey to become a doula this March. Eeeeekkkk!!!!! I'm scared & excited but feels so right. I am a bit terrified, BUT if my dreams don't scare me, I'm not dreaming big enough. I have to believe that!

It feels right to put those words out there and own them. This is going to be a great journey.

His hand is not too short.
His ear is not deaf to my voice.
He said to ask big of him.
    I'm asking big.

{Can you believe Elliotte Rosalee is 5 months already?}

What an old lady! 

She is a midwife in Africa 

& I am completely addicted to her blog.

Check it out!