Thursday, November 3

I Can't Help But Smile....

The vacuum we were given when we got married took it's final suck this week. Almost 6 years old.

I was stubborn and instead of getting a whole new sucker machine, I went to a vacuum repair store (cuz' I'm smart like that and thrifty and stuff....) Wellllll, IT'S DISCONTINUED! The lame brains at Hoover stopped making it a while back which really ticks me off because I hate the idea of having to buy a new appliance every few years and spending a chunk of money because it breaks. AND, it leads me to believe that there is a whole conspiracy when it comes to stuff that breaks. Like cars for instance. Right when Dustin's car was a week before being paid off, it took a crap! It's almost like they plan on  your stuff breaking. It's annoying.

I went to the salon by my house to get a quick bang trim while my mother in law had Conrad and Elle was asleep in her car seat. (I had so many plans to do so many things with just ONE baby with me but only got like, two of the ten things I planned to get done.) The lady was sweet. She was telling me about her daughter who was about to give birth and how scared she is and then I started talking about how bad the cesarean rate is in Nevada and warning her against unnecessary induction etcetera etcetera .... and how we had our baby at home, to which she gasped in shock (You think I'm exaggerating? She gasped.) and cut my bangs all crooked and thicker on one side and short in the middle and straight across. It's a hot mess, these bangs of mine. I'm not that radical, really. More people have their babies at home than we think. I gave her her 7$, we exchanged our awkward smiles, & I got in the car and looked at my jacked up hair. The messed up hair is my fault. I should have shut the hell up about the topic if I wanted half way cute looking bangs...

ALSO, while we're on the topic of my crappy week, MY CAMERA is so broken, it's not even worth repairing, or so the old man at the repair shop said (AFTER ELLE PROJECTILE VOMITED all down my shirt) at the camera store, right after we left the salon! I'll have to contact the losers at Nikon and go from there OR upgrade. I've been putting it off for some time now, upgrading. I refuse to take out loans to buy better stuff, or spend moolah we don't have, and every good photographer that I respect (especially my father, who knows a thing or two.) sticks by the mantra that to be a great photographer doesn't always mean you need the best of the best, to be the best.... Look at Ansel Adams. It's not about the camera, it's about the eye behind it. BUT, it's time. It's time. 

Instead of heading to the post office to return the cloth diapers that I purchased from Ebay that smelled like ammonia and urine, we headed home to shower and snuggle, because like I said, Elle threw up all down my shirt. I can't always do it all.

Today after an exhausting morning of playing my heart out with the kiddlets, after lunch time, story time, then nap time, after Elle bell Miguel (if she were Spanish) was nursed and sleepin', I got my magazines and hot coffee and opened the bathroom window to let the sun shine through, turned the faucet extra hot and sunk down deep into the water taking a healthy-well deserved breath, the chubby one began to yelp for momma... this is my life! So I dried off in a tizzy and ran to her, slipping and sliding down the hall way to my little magic butterfly of juicy fat roll-love. But as I soothed her back to sleep, I couldn't help but smile and giggle to myself. I'm so in love with her, it's embarrassing.

It's funny how even in the moments of trying to regain back a few minutes of the day for ME, they pull me back again to themselves. But It's a good feeling. Even in the chaos and missteps, I'd rather be here than any place else.

But it's not over... there's more! That was just Monday & Tuesday! THEN, while returning our books to the library today (Let me add that I blow dried my hair, covered up my pimples with concealer and put on my cute winter boots y'all....) Just as I am getting Conrad out of the car we get into an altercation. I gave him an order that he disobeyed and he started crying and screaming and being really unreasonable. Ugh, so i tell him that if he can't get control of himself, we would have to leave and not go get new books and "dbd"s, as he would call them. I get Elle out of her car seat and into her sling and pray to God that he stops screaming SO WE DON'T HAVE TO LEAVE because I put on concealer and my hair is clean! I kneel down and try my hardest to help him calm down, but to no avail HE screams in a pitch only Christina Aguilera could match. I told him that we would have to go right back home if he didn't stop throwing a fit. He kept on, so I had to follow through (which really lit a fire under my ass because I went through so much effort to look half way cute FOR THE FRIGGIN' LIBRARY people!) I forced him back into his car seat with all of my strength,  dropped the books into the drop box, and put E in her seat. As we drove back home, his screaming scared her and she began screaming also, out of terror. It was not a good time.

When we came home, I put my hair up in a bun and got back into my comfy mom-iform of sweats and a shirt with easy access, he apologized by asking me to read him 101 Dalmatian's and snuggled up into my arm pit on the couch and life was good again.

Dustin took the dude over to his Dad's house so I could have a break when he came home from work. When they left, I cried for a few minutes. I was more exhausted than anything really. While I was bargaining with him and trying to make deals with him and give him choices and ultimatums in the library parking lot, I got THREE evil stares from the patrons. Three. I counted. I didn't even have it in me to fire back at any of them and defend myself. The whole situation was mortifying. People are so unmerciful. Couldn't any of them smiled at me or made a joke. Couldn't someone have brought me a lighter and jokingly said, "Here, I'll help you. Lets burn this mother down!" and helped me light the car on fire, minus the chubby one? She had nothing to do with it. God help her in a few years though when she starts to conspire against me. 

Someone reminded me tonight to laugh at the drama in our lives instead of being defeated by them.

God is bigger than Conrad's strong will, broken camera equipment & my broke ass 6 year old sucker machine. He is enough. He is the place to go when the world decides to squat down and squeeze out a major steamer on my head. Good things are happening amongst the bad things. Great things actually. My friends baby girls heart is healed! (God is so good!) Healing, growth, repair, joy & grace.

And she is happening. 
Elle Bell.
She is cooing and smiling.
She is sleeping through the night. 
She is enthralled by her brother's goofiness.
She is pooping in the bath any chance she gets causing her brother major anxiety attacks. 
(He's pretty stealthy at evacuating a crappy situation now though...)
She is batting at toys.
She will think your lips are food if you linger too long during a kiss. 
It's half way adorable and half way mean because she thinks it's food.
I linger often and laugh to myself. 

Nope, not a boob.
Just lips that can't stop kissing. 

Chubbiest of chubbies

{There are too many things to smile about.}


  1. If I was in that library parking lot, I would have commiserated with you and tried to make you laugh. I am so in the same boat right now, taking this moment to myself as my 8-week-old girl is sleeping in her sling and my almost-3-year-old is napping. I'm sorely tempted to eat all of my willful boy's Halloween candy, too.

    It's so true that we need to remind ourselves of how lucky we are. Sometimes it's hard when you're in the thick of it, I know. But we are blessed!

  2. Girl, you always crack me up.
    I had quite the week myself. Totally wanted to put my head through a wall on numerous occasions. But, it's a mom life.

    Your babies are so darn cute, by the way.

  3. Our vacuum took it's last suck too. Just a couple of weeks ago. I talked to my mom and she told me to check ebay. So I bought a vacuum on ebay, one that would normally cost over a $1,000 and I got it for $150. Felt very lucky. :) I think we've all had those bad days, and weeks. Hang in there!