I am craving carbs like you wouldn't believe. Let me tell you what I had for breakfast yesterday!
-Half of a doughnut
-1 Breakfast sandwich at Einsteins
-2 pumpkin muffins with gobs of butter all over them (mouth is watering....)
This was all within a 2 hour period....
I shamefully admitted my inability to say NO when any sort of delicious, sweet, fattening carb is within reach to my midwife yesterday. Her advice, It's OK to have a bad eating day every now and then, but when you crave something sweet, make a fruit smoothie. Easier said than done! If I have the choice between gobbling down the doughnut sitting on my counter or making a smoothie, what do you think I'd decide to have? Dustin made homemade chocolate chip banana bread this weekend and I literally couldn't function or get my mind off of that bread until it was all.completely.gone. I cursed him the entire time I ate it, while making love to it....and drooling all over myself. Melted butter, gooey chocolate....Hmmmmmm. There should be a law preventing him from baking/cooking/making me fat!
The insomnia is making me a little crazy. Although I love my nightly rendezvous with my boyfriend Jimmy Fallon, and my bowl of Cheerios, It's starting to turn me into a zombie during the day.
On the upside of things, our little baby is moving a TON and I'm falling more in love with this tiny person as the days pass. The baby is finally head down! (which I've been praying would happen so we didn't have to discuss delivering the baby breech with the midwife. Thank you Jesus! The pelvic rocks helped too.) I can't wait to hold him/her. I bought a few cute gender neutral things for the baby this week. My mind changes everyday whether it's a boy or a girl. Some days I KNOW it's a boy, some days I KNOW it's a girl. I do day dream about the very moment that Dustin announces what our baby is and it gets me very emotional picturing in my head what that's going to be like.
It makes me smile to think about getting up at night to nurse the baby and spending those precious moments together while everyone else sleeps. I'm actually very excited this time around to serve Dustin by not having him have to get up with me to feed the baby, like with Conrad. I feel like it's going to bring me a lot of joy to be the milk machine instead of the pumped milk machine (while Dustin fed Conrad the bottle!) This time around will be SO different. I feel like I have such a strong support group of ladies who won't let me give up on nursing.
This last week has been a really hard week emotionally & spiritually for me. I've needed a lot of extra love and support. I was crying to Dustin about something and I blurted out, "God, this baby makes me SO emotional!!!" He laughed and said, "AND, this baby has given you a beard!" To which I immediately stopped crying and grabbed a mirror. Apparently, this baby has made me into a major basket case, AND given me extra peach fuzz that my husband can't stop staring at. Awesome!
I've been so impressed and inspired by the way Dustin has been so patient with me through my basket-case moods. If I'm babbling on and on about what I'm fearful about or anxious about, or If I'm just confused or crying because I'm ultra sensitive, he doesn't try to "fix" me or the problem, he just hugs me and starts praying (OR tells me I have a beard....apparently these melt down moments are the best time to point out my double chins and facial hair!) I don't have to tell him to pray, he just prays. How hot is that! His quickness to meet that need of mine to pray and have faith that God heals my brokenness (not him), god gives peace to my anxious, worried heart (not him) and god gives us a spirit of love and of a sound mind, not a mind plagued with fear. It has been neat to see him take care of me like that.
Only a few more weeks!!!