Text between us this morning:
me: I slept with Conrad in our bed last night (2nd time ever) and he fell off the bed face first, hit his face on the bed & night stand and cried for like 20 mins. It was the saddest thing ever.
Dustin: That's why he sleeps in his own bed sweetie. Love you though.
me: oh well. it was fun cuddling him. I spent half the night watching him sleep, now I'm a zombie.
When Conrad was a newbie, he had to wear a hip harness and every time he moved it made this annoying Velcro sound that sounded like nails on a chalk board, so he slept in the kitchen in his bassinet, far from our room, as a baby. Dustin & I are grumpy sleepers. We have to have the room pitch dark, cold and silent. I wonder sometimes if it was selfish not to co-sleep with our baby. Should we have sucked it up, the discomfort of having a third person in our bed, and the inconvenience of having to "get creative" about intimacy because our bed didn't belong to us?
Our little man has slept in his crib, in his room since he was 8 weeks old....Having good sleep helped me be less grouchy I suppose, but it makes me sort of feel like I missed out on the cuddling. I'm a bit envious of parents who have awesome co-sleeping experiences. Our bed has always been the grounds for wrestling and playing so every time (I) tried to put him in bed with me, he woke right up and began pouncing us and wrestling. SO, every time, Dustin laid down the iron fist and declared that our son, sick or well needed to sleep in his own bed where he could get rest so he could get better AND so we can get rest also.
Dustin was out of town the last 3 days with an engineering conference in Denver, and after the 5th time of getting out of bed to snuggle Conrad in his rocking chair I said ENOUGH and took his tired little limp, sick body in bed with me! We snuggled, I kissed him a million times, I scratched his back and head and it was heaven. On the other side of things, Dustin has been totally right about letting Conrad cry it out and learn to put himself to sleep without being rocked. After getting out of bed several times, if we just let him figure it out is usually only takes him a few minutes and then he's out for the entire night.
I'm sort of on he fence with co-sleeping. Do any other couples sort of disagree on the topic as well?
I feel like it's going to be harder with the next baby not to co-sleep.
After watching several youtube videos of babies climbing out of their cribs, I'm realizing that although I dread the crib to toddler bed conversion, it might be time. Maybe I can keep him trapped in his crib FOREVER! What about crib nets around the crib? Has anyone used a crib net?
Did co-sleeping work for you? What were the pros, what were the cons.
If you could do it all over, what would you do differently.
First of all, my mom used to double gate my room when I was little so I couldn't get out. And when that didn't work she would vaseline the door knob on my side so it was too slippery to turn.. and I turned out just fine! (at least I think :)
ReplyDeleteAnd I let Isaac sleep in my bed last night because Ben was gone too. It's funny becuase we always said he would sleep in his crib on his own as early as possible and NO co-sleeping. Well, Ben was the one who would let him sleep with us in the beginning.. usually just on nights when he wouldn't go to sleep because he didn't yet know the difference between night and day. And now it's Ben who thinks we should keep him in our room at night, mostly because he feels bad that I would have to get up and go to his room to feed him once or twice a night.
So as it stands, he's almost 3 months and still sleeps in our room. That's not what we had planned but that's okay. I get to look over the side of the bed in the morning and see his smiley face. It brightens my day every day!
(One con- when they sleep in the bed with you, especially when they are so small you don't sleep very well. I was constantly waking or not falling completely asleep because I was worried I would roll on him or he would suffocate himself snuggling against me or Ben.)
Ok, sorry that was so long!
We co-sleep. I never planned to infact, I was really against it but my husband wanted to. Henry was in a co-sleeper until week 5 when my husband pulled him into bed with us. H was teething and we were up all night until he was in bed with us. He has never left our bed since. He starts every night out in his crib and then wakes around midnight to come in with us. Sometimes I hate it and other times I love it. But mostly, i love it. My husband woroks nights. So I get omeone to snuggle with. Every morning H wakes me by kissing me right on the mouth (and I die from cuteness) BUT I have only slept through the night three times since Henry was born. So, there are def. pros and cons.
ReplyDeleteWe have the crib next to our bed so when michael is gone I push the crib up against ours so he cant fall off.
We have been thinking about turning our crib into the toddler bed too. then I could push it up against our bed as a giant cosleeper which would give us more space.
We are in the middle of what to do about the toddler bed sich too. Lily is totally ready, but she freaks out when her rail is off because she thinks her bed is broken. So cute, but so sad.
ReplyDeleteWe co-slept exclusively with Lily til she was about 9 months, and then it was only some of the night. We're co-sleeping with Norah now and I think we'll have a better idea of when she will be ready for the crib :] Good luck sista!
I am completely against co-sleeping. For Jonathan and I that is OUR personal private intimate time (not just sex, but talking and bonding). I, on the other hand, dont see anything wrong with every great once in a while letting the kids sleep with us for a special treat. And when they get scared or have bad dreams they are allowed to sleep on our floor.
ReplyDeleteAs for the bric to bed thing, I never had a problem with the roaming the house. If he is already good about sleeping in his crib and not climbing out, most likely you wont have a problem. As for the net thing, i think it looks like you are holding your baby prisoner, more so than a just a crib does!
Just my two cents worth ;)
i have enough trouble sleeping with a husband moving around beside me, i can't imagine being very well rested with a squirmy little one in the bed as well. I'll probably have a bassinett beside the bed early on, but won't do REAL co=sleeping.
ReplyDeleteWe didn't plan on it but we also co-sleep. Where ever Ryder falls asleep (swing, bouncer, crib, pac n play) we leave him there. He wakes up sometime between 3 and 6am and that's when I'll bring him into bed, nurse him (which puts him right back to sleep)and he'll sleep for a few more hours. When he was really little it worried me a lot. I'd have to keep him on my opposite side as Tyler because he doesn't wake up to anything and I was always worried he'd smash him. But now that he's older, 5months/20lbs he takes up tons of space haha. I keep saying I'm going to not let it happen, but who am I kidding? It's easier, and I get to wake up to his adorable smiles and coos every
ReplyDeletemorning.
As for the todler bed/baby gate. My mom does that and it's always worked for her :).
We kind of co-slept when my daughter was born. Her cradle was right next to my side of the bed and I'd wake up to nurse her and I'd fall asleep with her in our bed. If I woke up I'd put her back in her cradle. I always put a pillow barrier between her and my husband, he's a deep sleeper. We did that until I couldn't nurse anymore. She exclusively slept in her own crib starting at 5 months until we put her into a toddler bed a few months ago. My thoughts on co-sleeping is we ALL get better sleep in our own beds and you don't have to worry about breaking the habit of them sleeping in your bed. My husband and I enjoy our alone time in our bed. It's OURS. On weekend mornings we let her come into our bed and cuddle and we watch cartoons. She slept in our bed once when she was sick and I will never do that again, I didn't sleep a wink.
ReplyDeleteAbout the crib tent, we had one for Kenzie. Our boy cat liked to sleep with her and I didn't like that she was covered in cat hair so the only way to keep him out was the tent. It was also great at preventing her from falling out, which she did a few times when I left the zipper open. It seems really odd at first, like you're trapping your kid, but it keeps them safe. Now that she's in a bed we have the gate on her door, it works for us :)
We co-slept for the first few weeks because, well, Jack wasn't havin' it any other way. It was either co-sleep or NO sleep. I remember, later on when was around a year old or maybe younger, he somehow managed to climb out of his crib. I heard him crying via the baby monitor, ran to his room and there is my baby on the floor! It scared the crap out of me.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, we bought one of those bed guards for Jack about nine months ago or so and I was scared I'd be up all night corralling him back into bed but so far so good. We haven't had any incidences of him getting out in the middle of the night yet.
I hope I didn't just jinx myself. Damnit.
i did it with willow and olivia both for the first month or so because it just made night time nursing a million times easier! however, they are both in their own beds now and i am a less grouchy, well rested mama because of it :)
ReplyDeletei feel you on the toddler bed thing! i took olivia with me to ikea the other day and we wandered around where all the little beds were and talked about it for a bit. she seems really excited for a "big girl" bed. i'm just wondering if i have the patience for the night time getting up thing...hmm..i suppose it must happen eventually!
Oh my gosh I LOVE CO SLEEPING!!!!! Levi is high needs, has a weak stimulus barrier, and still breastfeeding (YAY!) so it just works best for us. He sleeps between us and I can nurse him, and then we both fall asleep. He'll sleep in his crib sometimes during naps, or we'll put him in there after he falls asleep, but when he's awake, he's right back with us. Its not for everyone, but although we didn't plan or expect to co-sleep, gosh its the best thing ever. I absolutely love knowing he's safely sleeping next to me. When he's ready, we'll move him. But for now, its bedtime bliss! And to those women who worry about things like sex...all I have to say is, where there is a will, there's a way! For baby #2 we'll have a co-sleeper bassinet and then maybe start transitioning into the nursery. But ah, don't rule it out! Its terrific :)
ReplyDeletep.s. We also have strong views on crying it out, but to each her own!
ps. Oh, and Levi is a BIG 9 month old (wearing 18 month clothes, walking, climbing furniture) so he would definitely be one of those babies climbing out of his crib and getting hurt. I'm thinking we'll transition to a twin mattress on the floor in our bed, and go from there. :) Good luck!
ReplyDeleteWe cosleep & bedshare.
ReplyDeleteIt has been very helpful because of easy access for breastfeeding. Lilla gets back to sleep quicker & easier, and I sleep better not having to leave the room every time she wakes up. I LOVE waking up next to my girl & hubs getting to cuddle with her (since he's working all day)
I would say the only con is having to get creative with intimacy, ie: different parts of the house & not at bedtime.
Recently, our little man was teething and needed to be soothed back to sleep every hour it seemed like. The first night was rough on both Dustin and I and then the night after that, around midnight after going into his room over and over, dustin said to just leave him and let him work it out. WE did and he fussed for a few minutes but then passed out for the rest of the night. Dustin was right because getting up over and over was only confusing Conrad and making him think that he needed to be rocked every hour but once he knew that it was bed time, whether his teeth hurt or not, he went right to sleep and we all got a good nights rest.
ReplyDeleteGoing in multiple times to rock him was only prolonging the sleeping process and making it harder on him. I don't think the cry-it-out method is right for a 6 month old, but for our 2 year old, it usually does the trick.
We bedshare. But we never planned on it. The only way my daughter will sleep through the night is if she's in bed with us. I MISS not having that alone time with my husband since it's the only time we really can just have a moment to ourselves. BUT, I love having her next to us. It's a love hate thing.
ReplyDeleteIf I had my choice, though, she'd be in her crib! But right now, for the sake of my sleep, we will be bedsharing for a while!
Nope. Don't do it. People roll over their babies and smother them. It's not a good idea for several different reasons, but most importantly, it's not safe.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.nyc.gov/html/acs/html/pr_archives/pr08_05_08.shtml
Just because it's a fad and people are doing it, doesn't mean that's what's best.
We let our little guy co-sleep for one week in between us, my husband wouldn't allow any longer than that, after that he went into a co sleeper next too us for about three months. when he was four months he went in his own bed. Honestly it could have been way sooner than that. At about 8 months we did the cry it out thing, it worked as hard as it was but your right it only takes a few minutes and a few painful cry outs for it to work and their out on their own in minutes! Jax started to climb out of his crib at 15 months so we converted the crib to a toddler bed...He's been in a big boy twin bed since about 2 i think and i think it's better than the whole conversion thing. I say you might as well get him used to the big boy bed idea, especially if your going to need the crib for your next one soon. I didn't like the look of the conversion either. So we used a guard rail on his twin bed for awhile and now we just have a body pillow next to him and he's fine. (he was a total thrasher for awhile, kinda still is. I've found him on the floor in the middle of the night or at the foot of the bed)
ReplyDeleteWhen we first did the conversion thing we did put a baby gate in the doorway cause he would get up and wonder out a million times and that worked great.
Now he's 2 1/2, he's pretty good about staying in his room but most of the time he needs to be tucked in 10 times before he goes to bed.
I think our next one will go to his or her own room a lot sooner than four months this time. Sleeping on their own I believe is really important and it's good to start young:)
With Conrad, since breastfeeding was such an issue and I ended up pumping for 6 months, Dusitn had to get out of bed every feeding anyway to feed the baby while I made more milk! (joy) so getting back into our bed after the baby was in his own bed was really nice. My husband works so hard and is such a light sleeper anyway, I feel like our queen bed is too small for more than 2 people. I'm also afraid of the baby sufficating.
ReplyDeleteMy mother in law works with a guy who sufficated his daughter (a 2 year old) by accident because she had snuggled under the covers and he didn't realize it and she couldn't breathe.... that scares me a bit.
I think getting out of bed this time around and nursing the baby in it's own room might work out fine. I never got the break before of having the baby eat laying in bed, and i dont want to take away from my husbands sleep, so we'll try and see how that works. I think I would get just as much bonding time/snuggling time with a baby while rocking it anyway! ;) we'll see.
yep, i do believe it's time for the toddler bed! ;/
My friend put up a gate on her son's door because the dad was taking a nap one afternoon while the boys were sleeping and the oldest was found out wondering in the street. a neighbor brought him back! Yikes! Maybe as a safty thing a gate would be good.
i plan on a cradle next to our bed for the few few months. but when she realizes we are there... moving her to her own room. i'm fine with a every once in a while when she has a bad dream when shes older. but i think it sets up a good sleep pattern for the rest of her life.. to sleep on her own in her own space. knowing we are always close by. but that she is able to sooth herself back to sleep. thats how my parents and my sisters have done with all their kids and they are great sleep thru the night kinda kids. well... thats the plan anyways. :)
ReplyDeleteShit, people get fired up about this.
ReplyDeleteI just deleted about 5 paragraphs worth of argument to a lot of things I read on here about co-sleeping, but it's not my blog ;] I'm with you on the toddler bed though! Now just to decided when I will have enough energy to just get after it!
I co slept a little bit with Liv when she was nursing, she mostly slept in her bassinet in our room until 2 months and when she would wake up I would just nurse her on my side back to sleep.. than after that she only once slept with us, and it was recently when she was very sick.. but I can tell you I appreciate how great she sleeps in her crib
ReplyDeleteI read scary reviews about the crib tent..but both my SIL used one and had no issues.. i opted against it.. Liv can climb out of her pack and play which she uses for naps with my mom 2 X a week but not her crib just yet.. it took me 45 mins one day of me just placing her back in the bed and now she wont climb out (thats the behaviorist in me) .. I will be switching the crib rail for the toddler rail on her bed probably at 2 with the baby gate at the door..
I really think it depends on the child, too. The concern of hurting the baby is a very valid. I got one of those little things that lays right on the bed next to you, but has short, hard, plastic sides (covered with plastic of course) so you physically can't roll over on them. This worked really well for Will because for his first 3 months, Ryan was traveling a lot and I was on my own and it was so much easier to get some sleep.
ReplyDeleteMaddie, on the other hand, hated sleeping with us! She wouldn't even if I had wanted her to! She was (still is) a major bed hog, and a restless sleeper. She actually started asking to get in her own bed when she was tired at about 9 months old. (Heaven help her future husband...)
Every child is different, and comes at a different time in your life with different circumstances. Play it by ear, see what works best for you, the baby and your marriage.
Oh...and baby gate on toddler bedroom...YES. Fool me once, shame on her: I woke up at 6 am and 2 year old Maddie was across the STREET, playing with the neighbors 2 HUGE German Shepard chained to the tree.
Fool me twice, shame on me: I woke up to 18 eggs cracked on the kitchen floor.
The next day, we had a fridge lock, a sliding glass door lock and a baby gate on her room. (She started climbing out of her crib at 11 months old)
A little google search and you'll find that the "babies sleep safest alone" campaign (in the link that "anonymous" gave) was backed/funded by crib manufacturers who are afraid of losing money due to co-sleeping! Lots of studies have proven that co-sleeping is actually safer for your baby- less incidences of SIDS.
ReplyDeleteBUT, safety is not the reason you brought it up, and ultimately it's what works best for your kiddo and your family. Don't feel bad if you don't co-sleep. It just doesn't work for some people, and your child will be no less loved if you don't. :)
We co-slept with both of our little guys, and will do so with the next. We all get better sleep that way, and breast feeding is a breeze. We originally planned to use an Arms Reach co-sleeper, but even that wasn't as convenient for feedings as just sleeping together. Yeah, I'm too lazy to drag my butt out of bed...
Once they started crawling (about 6 months old) we moved them to a crib. I was always afraid they would crawl off the bed in the middle of the night.
One important thing to note about co-sleeping is that it's MUCH safer to have the baby sleep next to the mom and not that dad. As moms we are much more aware of our babies and even have that "mom sixth sense" about them, even when we're sleeping. Although my husband would take naps with our boys, they were never snuggled up next to him at night- only me.
This is a really great article about co-sleeping:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/t102200.asp
ok..i didnt read any of the other comments..so i am just gonna go for it. Jude had a horrible gag reflux as a newbie so i panicked. We had to take him to Cedar Sinai in Los Angeles to see a specialist who told me to keep sleeping upright on me until he was 8 weeks old. Well..i took it a little further until he was 4 months old. yes..until he was four months old I slept sitting up with little Jude on my chest. needless to say...not great sleep for me. also, he has been in our bed ever since and he is 2 !! never has he slept one night in his crib which is now a toddler bed for his naps. my husband works (well you know...you have read my blogs) so i keep Jude close to me at night. I have to say that the snuggling is out of this world insane. i cherish every moment...including the 10 little piggies that appear in my face in the middle of the night as he tosses and turns. amazing how 25 lbs can hog a california king bed.
ReplyDeleteJessica, you crack me up! The eggs on the floor. That is hilarious! Oh will! ;)
ReplyDeleteI certainly think parents are all different, babies are different and we all deserve our own opinions. and that's ok too! I personally will be sleep training our next baby around 6-8 months (like I did with Conrad) which I believe teaches them to be good sleepers, have less tantrums, and be all around happy little people because they know when they're going to eat and sleep. Conrad will ask for his bed at 11 am every single day whether I tell him it's 11 or not. He's a good sleeper. I believe he's a good sleeper because he was taught how to sleep (as silly as that sounds.)
The truth I fear, is that babies die in their own beds and they die in bed with parents too. It IS a safety thing for us, but it's also a comfort thing too. I don't feel like it would be safest for our baby to sleep in bed with us, nor would I sleep as soundly and be as energetic when I wake up to be the mom i want to be for him/her. That doesn't mean that co-sleepers aren't good parents, that means that any time I've tried to sleep with my baby in our room/in our bed, I slept lousy and it wasn't for me.
Thanks ladies for all of the advice. I love hearing your comments and opinions. I will probably invest in the baby gate and toddler bed soon. I'll keep you updated on the co-sleeping habits when the next one comes!
Oh my gosh, I love this post for so many reasons. Oh the co-sleeping... I co-slept for the majority of Lucia's first year. While I loved sleeping with her, I was so paranoid the entire time because of all of the negative press that co-sleeping gets! I hardly told a soul that I co-slept for fear of ridicule.
ReplyDeleteLucia cried in her crib. I could not take it. Matt was out of town during the week. I lived in the hood and was scared someone was going to break in my house in the middle of the night. All of these reasons added up to me being a co-sleeper.
Once Matt's job brought him back home, Lucia became less and less of a co-sleeper. At around 15 months, when I stopped breastfeeding, it also loosened the co-sleeping ties, as she used to nurse most of the night. She pretty much weaned herself, even though I was not ready to give up my precious breastfeeding time... maybe she was ready for some independence? Story of a mother's life, I suppose.
Now if she sleeps with us we both get the most horrible night of sleep. I continue to wake through the night, looking for her, remembering that she is in my bed, and wanting to make sure she is okay. Mostly she lays her head on me sideways and pushes her feet into Matt's ribs. Even if I am slow to admit it, everyone gets a much better night rest when she sleeps in her room.
I remember reading your blog long ago when you wrote of finally putting Conrad in his bed, letting him cry it out ... the freedom, etc. I was slightly envious because I was just not there yet.
Everyone can make their own choice -- much like that of the birth stories that you have been posting.
(Um, which by the way, sorry I have been letting them stir me up so much! I just get super protective of my own experience and often feel judged for the choices I make. It is nothing personal. I want nothing less than a wonderful birth experience for you -- have that be at home or wherever you choose.)
You are a doll. Love the weekend shots of you and C. Beautiful.
End of the longest comment ever.
xoxoxoxoxoxo
you seem like you had the best of both worlds sarah! Nothin' wrong with that! High five for nursing for as long as you did! That's awesome!
ReplyDeleteI'm not offended at all if you have an opinion about the birth stories. I was VERY protective about my birth story/cesarean right after conrad was born. When people asked me about it, I made sure to let them know how necessary it was because I didn't want them to think I was weak and couldn't do it. Now I know more about birth/the process of birth/how the body works and realize that other things could have been done to prevent my cesarean. I could only have wished to have as great of an experience as you did in the hospital or other friends I know who had so much support. Even if we end up in the hospital do to a transfer during our birth, at least i'll have my doula there with me as my advocate!
No hard feelings.
Even if we all have different parenting styles, we can all still learn a thing or two from one another. I Think i'd be pretty lost without my mommy friends who have given me advice or had a different opinion as I do.
We had a cosleeper, but it mostly just functioned as a bed rail. I am the type of person who needs a LOT of sleep to function, and so H slept in bed with us out of my sleepy selfishness. The first few weeks were tough since we were still getting used to breast-feeding, but it was bliss after that. I'd wake for about 30 seconds right as he started to stir (read: before he started to cry), pop a boob in his mouth, and I was back out instantly. My husband (who is a really light sleeper) never woke up. Most nights we'd put him to sleep in his cosleeper, the between midnight and 3am he'd come into bed. I was never worried about either of us rolling over on him since we slept on our sides, tummy to tummy. I was in the practice from 9 months of pregnancy, and my husband couldn't roll over H with out rolling on top of me.
ReplyDeleteThis lasted til around 9 months when he was becoming a proficient crawler, and subsequently what I call an aggressive sleeper. That was when the nightmare started. From 9 mo til 2years, he'd wake 3-5 times a night, and I have to get up, go in the other room, and nurse him back to sleep. It took about 20 minutes every time. I became a zombie. I wished we could have kept cosleeping!
For me, it was also super hard to make the transition from being pregnant and physically connected to being in separate rooms in one day. It felt wrong. Since then i have learned about an idea called "the 4th trimester"... Mostly involving cosleeping and baby wearing for the first 3 months to ease their transition from inside to out.
It's true that there are safety concerns, but the guidelines that are set are supposed to cover every.single.person in the USA. How many things do you know of that are true for every single American?! If you use your brain, and make an educated/informed decision, it will be right for you. The only "guideline" really worth following is APA's suggestion to keep them in your room (even if in their own crib) for the first 6 months.
And... "ANONYMOUS"... what did we all do 100 years ago before there were major crib manufacturers? What do native cultures around the world do with out access to our materialism?
And in case you haven't heard enough of my opinion, we ditched the crib in December. We tried the toddler conversion for a week, but he hated it. Now he just has a twin mattress on the floor with a child proof door handle cover on the inside (so when we shut the door, he can't open it). Eventually, once he can sleep on his bed with out falling out every night (aggressive sleeper, remember?) we'll get him an actual bed. And, we'll have to take the knob cover off when we start potty training, but we have a gate on our hallway so he can only get to our bedroom or the bathroom.
Tough choices... Good luck! It sounds like you are getting good practice at making informed decisions ;) so I am sure you will come up with what ever is best for your family. Good luck!
I know you posted this FOREVER ago, but I'm really interested to know what you decided. I've been going back and forth over the toddler bed (mine will be 2 in July), and I am hesitant because 1) I really like my sleep and 2) Cara hasn't tried to climb out yet. I kept wondering if I really have to move her. Then, a wonderful soul told me that her babies stayed in cribs until 3 (!) and they were fine. She said she left the railing down and taught them how to safely climb out on their own. Now that drop-side cribs mean that you are a bad mom, I don't know how practical this really is. :-)
ReplyDeleteDid you try the crib tent or go ahead and move Conrad? How did it all work out?
Jessica. We haven't converted his crib yet. I think after we both get over our colds, i'm going to ween him off of sleeping with his binky first and then maybe a week later, we'll convert the crib to a toddler bed. I think he's ready but I'm still going to take my time!
ReplyDeleteTeaching them to climb out safely is such a great idea! Thanks for the comment!
Like Jessica, I'm commenting late & want to know what you ended up doing! I'm not a mom, but I'm definitely aware of the debate since I'm a recent Child Development college grad. In the end, it's up to you & your hubby because it's your family and your child. (Not to mention your blog :)
ReplyDeleteOne last note: I'm a twin and my parents took out our cribs because we constantly climbed into the others' each morning/night. I def. see the logic in just having a mattress for the adventurous types :)