Tuesday, March 8

"Gosh Honey, I like them Too, But We Don't get to keep them."

As I sat on the couch the other night minding my own business, enjoying a bowl of vanilla ice cream, watching TV, I felt a set of eyes creepily gazing at me and realized my husband had slowly inched his way closer to me. He had this weird, "You've got boobs and I want to be all up in that." Kinda' look in his eye. Creeper...I could hear the silva collecting in his mouth, I'm surprised he had the dignity to slurp it up before it dribbled down his chin.

At this point I kindly smile and say, "Gosh honey, I like'em too but we don't get to keep them."

Yes, I have boobs! What do you want from me! It's kinda' nice and all, but they won't stay for long. I'm sort of really depressed about the whole situation. After losing my baby weight from my last pregnancy & being a milk slave to my breast pump for 6 months, sadly my boobs were no longer standing at attention looking perky and perfect any longer. He's always been happy with my lovely post-baby-pancakes, BUT having my new and improved jugs really seems to make everyone pretty happy. If only they would stay this way.... 


It's part of being a woman I guess. The hips get bigger and smaller, the boobs inflate and deflate, the stomach expands to carry a human.... the whole process is incredible in itself if you think about it. You're never the same after you have a baby.

When I was 36 weeks pregnant with Conrad I noticed that my ritual of covering myself in body butters and oils was no longer keeping my skin blemish free. Those deep red, dark stretch marks (bastards!) started showing their ugly faces and it really started to piss me off. I had worked SO hard to keep my skin oiled up! Was my hard work all done in vain!?

When I complained to other woman about my stretch marks OR my "beauty marks" my baby gave me, they'd ask if I used Cocoa butter.....and baby oil, and so on and so on. YES, I had a shrine of creams covering my nightstand that I used twice a day guys, and that crap does NOT work, OK! Then they'd ask if my mom got them. NO! She didn't! She had a six pack stomach right after she shot me out of her vag and she never got a single stretch mark! She was a freak of nature.

The good news is that THEY FADE! They go away! And who cares, really! It's all part of this thing we call becoming a mom! So if you find yourself in fetal position, balled up in a dark corner crying over your stretch marks or pancake boobs, GET OVER YOURSELF! It happens. It doesn't make you any less beautiful. (Too bad someone wasn't around to say this & knock some sense into me when I was pregnant with Conrad.) It would have saved myself a lot of self pity and tears.

I'm more accepting of the shape my body has taken on. It seems to give me this sense of empowerment. It makes me feel like a woman. I've gained 15lbs so far with this baby and my wretched stretch marks have showed up again ALREADY! But this time around, I can smile at them & accept them instead of hate myself because of them.

I was watching sex and the city the other day and Miranda was pregnant in the episode and she was all over her boyfriend wanting to get it on, but he was weirded out by her belly.... the hormones made her extra horny (like they do most woman, or so I'm told...) I had to laugh out loud at the hilarity of the truth of the situation. With Conrad, I think I was less protective of my belly and now, I'm like, "Get off of me! OMG, you're killing the baby!" I REALLY know how to kill the mood huh? It's like he's got a perfectly delicious, hot steak sitting right in front of him that he can't eat. Poor Dustin.

{Baby Bird bump @ 18 weeks}
He/She is the size of a heirloom tomato this week. 
It's cute to me to imagine the baby's size in terms of fruit.
Don't mind my cat pj's
From the side, I look HUGE. Don't let this photo fool you.

Anyway. I'm going to go admire my perky boobs.
God knows they'll be right back to hanging down to my belly button in a few short months.


  1. hahahah i love this post, and your shirt, and your sense of humor..

    i affectionately call my stretch marks "panther scratches", i look like i was mauled... which i guess i was, poor belly.

  2. Great post!! Your honesty is both amazing and hilarious. I think pregnant is truly a remarkable, beautiful process and you should love and be in awe of your body, no matter what stage it's in. I know, easier said than done. But, I really think that honesty like this is the first -- and biggest! -- step toward helping other women accept or even love their own body though their pregnant :] Go you, Super Mom!!

  3. You've earned your stripes. I also have a weird cat in a hat shirt. Why?? I don't know. Why not...

  4. oh my gosh chels. could you be any more hilarious? i think not.


    love your cat pj's. dude, i would totally wear them to wal mart, proudly.

  5. Oh Chelsea, I love this post! I am so scared of being pregnant for all of the crazy things my body will go through...you are one amazing, beautiful mama, I thank you for your honesty as one day I will be in your position and will look back at your posts for inspiration and advice. I recently started following you and I tagged you in my post today !



  6. I felt the same way about my beauty marks left from my daughter. Now that they're practically invisible this new little roll in my microwave is gonna bring 'em back! I'm ready for them this time.

    Plus they go well with my c-section scar and my breast lump-ectomy scar I got while pregnant with her as well ;)

  7. Oh the cream dont get me started on the cream.. My daughter was born at 38 weeks - I carried pretty high and at 36 weeks she dropped into the birthing canal and took all of my skin with her = the war wounds of child bearing (stretch marks).. they do fade and like you I could really care less - look what the end prize was? ill take a side more of stretch marks any day if it means I get to keep her ;)

    enjoy the boobs :)

  8. Wowowowow...
    Now that we're toward the end here, rarely a day goes by where Eamon comes home and says "Whoa, you're boobs look awesome" ...while I'm tearing my hair out over Lily's latest mess, or covered in some kind of filth. They're in the E/F range now. Selma Hyack ain't got NOTHIN on me...no, really.

    And you wanna talk about mood killers? How bout:
    "Ok, but if you make my mucus plug come out, we have to stop."
    Pretty sure that would make any soldier stand down ;]

  9. OMG MAE, i love you! Hahaha! You crack me up!

  10. I wish I would have read this a year ago! Found my first stretch mark on the way to my anniversary weekend away and cried the whole time. Scott was sooo bummed. They have faded quite a bit but I won't ever be able to wear a bikini again. As soon as I was done nursing my boobs were gone. No where to be found!

  11. Katy, I'm not going to minimize it or say that having this "new" body doesn't suck! It does. it takes a lot of adjusting to get used to it. I will admit, a few weeks ago I found a new stretch mark on my boob and I started crying too, but Dustin reassured me that this is all part of it! Becoming a mother is part of this new season of being a mom! Not having your boobs sort of defeminizes you in a way-that's how I felt anyway. UNTIL, I started running AND THEY GOT even SMALLER.... ;( Having legs that I was proud of and the ability to push my body to it's limits also made me feel so powerful and womanly!

    I said the same thing, I'd never wear a bikini again. I think we should both wear them with pride though!

    Thanks for your input ladies!

  12. ALSO. If you are huge from the SIDE...that's what we need a picture of. Duh.

  13. Love it and I totally feel you. With the first baby, I did everything to keep those stretch marks at bay, but the last month of my pregnancy they started creeping in! It was SO frustrating. With the second they showed up right away and worse!

    We should just look at them as reminders of the incredible gift God gave us to have babies.

  14. You are a hoot. I really appreciate your candidness... I've always been prone to stretch marks at the slightest bit of weight gain so I am already mentally preparing myself to be ruined during pregnancy. Ha.


    All This is Grace and Charm

  15. ah, you are too funny. i go through phases where i completely embrace my post twins belly...and other days where i curse it. i sure do miss my porn star boobies. i remember a girls day out wine tasting where i brought my pump along (nursing twins i was a milk machine!) tipsy and happy from a day away i kept telling anyone who would listen how big and amazing my boobs were. yeah...i was that girl. sweet. it's just that i don't get out much.

  16. okay Chelsea. this post rocked my world. You are one of a few bloggers who can get me laughing out loud when I read certain posts :) Having big ta-ta's is totally a bonus (for me & the hubs) when i was pregnant & then nursing...and it was a sad day when they deflated. lol And kind of similar to the Sex and the City story...I watch Friends a lot and when Rachel is preggo there's an episode where she is as horny as i'll get out...it's hilarious. lol

    A friend and I call our stretch marks our children's first work of art...trying my best to look at the glass half full ;)

    Love the cat PJs...hope you're little tomato is doing great :)

  17. those cat pajamas are freaking awesome.

    and I'm glad Dustin is comfortable with you sharing tidbits about your sex life for our amusement! :)

  18. You just made me giggle non-stop!!! Who knows this time the boobs might stick around (which of course my husband loves), mine sure did with my last baby although so did an extra 15 pounds that I can't freakin get rid of it!

  19. Love this post! you are so cute and funny:)

  20. Charlotte, I dont know if he's comfortable with it or not. He's probably not, but in our real life, he knows ME and usually I'm an over-sharer as it is around other couples and friends, so he's not surprised when he reads my blog and sees what I write. I feel like woman talk WAY more about sex than men do though! I feel like If I talk about this stuff with my girlfriends, I can talk about it with you ladies too! ;)

  21. Ooh I love this - I just stopped breast feeding my first... and poof I am a flat flat mama. Flatter than before I was pregnant. I think right now I am more miffed about having to go buy new bras instead of cute spring clothes!

  22. It's funny because at 14 weeks pregnant, two of the things I'm most excited about are my growing boobs and getting my breastfeeding body back. Seriously, when I was BF'ing my 1st, my body was slamming. But then, saggy pancakes. So sad. Anyway, yeah, I feel you.

  23. this is the first time I've been to your blog. this post made me laugh out loud. so good. so true! I too am a card carrying member of the pancake boobs, 'love marks', after baby club! I loved your honesty... and humor! I'll be back!

  24. I love this post. You are so freaking honest!
    Although, mine aren't so perky to start out with, it still bums me out thinking someday they will be even lessss perky. It will totally be worth it when I get to nourish my lil bebe someday.

    I love your heart.

  25. Thanks girl! ;) you're so sweet.

    Who knows, maybe you'll get lucky and yours will never turn into pancakes! I have a few friends who NEVER got stretch marks AND NEVER got saggy boobs after nursing. It's totally possible.

  26. I absolutely need to know where you got your cat shirt! It's so amazing.

  27. Forever 21 this summer.

  28. lol Chels :) I'm actually really bothered by the fact that my boobs haven't grown a centimeter! Dustin even asked me if they got smaller! haha. Makes me worry i'm not gonna be able to breast feed!!! :( 32 weeks preg and still have hope in getting some boobies tho!! lol. I have, however, gone from a size 34 bra to a 40! Dr said blame my ribs....yeah...my ribs ;) Not the fact that I have gained 31 pounds :) I haven't recieved any stretch marks yet but I've been told they come at week 33 for many woman. grrrrreat :) haha Glad your doing so well with your pregnancy Chels and love following your journey :)


  29. YAY for prego boobs! :) I love your blog, love it!
    p.s. THanks for your comment--its nice to know us post-C/S girls are all in the same fight toward that beloved VBAC :)

  30. Gah! I just love you!
    Can you move to Oklahoma so we can be friends in real life? Maybe Matt and I should move your way, I think teachers make better money in your state.

    The only time in my life that I have ever had boobs is when I was preggo and while nursing. My single and boobalicious friend saw my boobs the other day and said, "Sarah! Oh my gosh!" I'm used to my pancakes with nipples on the end. She was shocked.