"Gosh Honey, I like them Too, But We Don't get to keep them."

As I sat on the couch the other night minding my own business, enjoying a bowl of vanilla ice cream, watching TV, I felt a set of eyes creepily gazing at me and realized my husband had slowly inched his way closer to me. He had this weird, "You've got boobs and I want to be all up in that." Kinda' look in his eye. Creeper...I could hear the silva collecting in his mouth, I'm surprised he had the dignity to slurp it up before it dribbled down his chin.

At this point I kindly smile and say, "Gosh honey, I like'em too but we don't get to keep them."

Yes, I have boobs! What do you want from me! It's kinda' nice and all, but they won't stay for long. I'm sort of really depressed about the whole situation. After losing my baby weight from my last pregnancy & being a milk slave to my breast pump for 6 months, sadly my boobs were no longer standing at attention looking perky and perfect any longer. He's always been happy with my lovely post-baby-pancakes, BUT having my new and improved jugs really seems to make everyone pretty happy. If only they would stay this way.... 

Sad.

It's part of being a woman I guess. The hips get bigger and smaller, the boobs inflate and deflate, the stomach expands to carry a human.... the whole process is incredible in itself if you think about it. You're never the same after you have a baby.

When I was 36 weeks pregnant with Conrad I noticed that my ritual of covering myself in body butters and oils was no longer keeping my skin blemish free. Those deep red, dark stretch marks (bastards!) started showing their ugly faces and it really started to piss me off. I had worked SO hard to keep my skin oiled up! Was my hard work all done in vain!?

When I complained to other woman about my stretch marks OR my "beauty marks" my baby gave me, they'd ask if I used Cocoa butter.....and baby oil, and so on and so on. YES, I had a shrine of creams covering my nightstand that I used twice a day guys, and that crap does NOT work, OK! Then they'd ask if my mom got them. NO! She didn't! She had a six pack stomach right after she shot me out of her vag and she never got a single stretch mark! She was a freak of nature.

The good news is that THEY FADE! They go away! And who cares, really! It's all part of this thing we call becoming a mom! So if you find yourself in fetal position, balled up in a dark corner crying over your stretch marks or pancake boobs, GET OVER YOURSELF! It happens. It doesn't make you any less beautiful. (Too bad someone wasn't around to say this & knock some sense into me when I was pregnant with Conrad.) It would have saved myself a lot of self pity and tears.

I'm more accepting of the shape my body has taken on. It seems to give me this sense of empowerment. It makes me feel like a woman. I've gained 15lbs so far with this baby and my wretched stretch marks have showed up again ALREADY! But this time around, I can smile at them & accept them instead of hate myself because of them.

I was watching sex and the city the other day and Miranda was pregnant in the episode and she was all over her boyfriend wanting to get it on, but he was weirded out by her belly.... the hormones made her extra horny (like they do most woman, or so I'm told...) I had to laugh out loud at the hilarity of the truth of the situation. With Conrad, I think I was less protective of my belly and now, I'm like, "Get off of me! OMG, you're killing the baby!" I REALLY know how to kill the mood huh? It's like he's got a perfectly delicious, hot steak sitting right in front of him that he can't eat. Poor Dustin.

{Baby Bird bump @ 18 weeks}

He/She is the size of a heirloom tomato this week. 

It's cute to me to imagine the baby's size in terms of fruit.

Don't mind my cat pj's

From the side, I look HUGE. Don't let this photo fool you.

Anyway. I'm going to go admire my perky boobs.

God knows they'll be right back to hanging down to my belly button in a few short months.