Hebrews 4:12-16

For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two edged sward, piercing to the division of soul and spirit, of joints and marrow, and discerning of the thoughts and intentions of the heart. And before him no creature is hidden, but all is open and laid bare to the eyes of him with whom we have to do.

since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we have a high priest who is able to sympathize with our weaknesses, who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sinning. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

I want my handful of readers to know that my blog is a place where I go to post silly pictures of my baby for my grandmother, aunt, cousins, friends, and mom to be able to watch him grow. I talk about things that are important to me, they may not always be politically correct, may at times be offensive, and at times I hope to also encourage people and bless people and other young moms who feel the pressures of life and opinions of others suffocating them. I have felt the opinions of others suffocating me. I'm not perfect, I'm as dirty of a sinner as they come, and daily I have to put a mirror up to who I am and ask God to sanctify me that I would change. At those times I don't always like who I am.

My husband reminded me last night that sanctification is not a fun process. Seeing that you're a jack ass doesn't always make you feel that great, It's painful, hard, and humbling. My God is faithful in his promise to finish the work he started in me, and I have to believe that he looks at my flaws and sympathises with them having mercy on me.

It was not my intention to bash on any specific pastor, or church when I posted about why church sucks. I was expressing my frustration, and also my families frustrations knowing that right now times are tough financially and it breaks my heart to sit through church services where I feel like money is the number one priority when Jesus should be the number one priority.... I want to see things change in churches. I've been a disgruntled church goer, and that doesn't make me less in love with Jesus, or less of a believer.

I went to a church this weekend where I was moved to tears several times. It was the first time I felt like people were filled with a burning passion. People were clapping throughout the sermon, people were fixed on the words the pastor was saying, I felt almost like I was at some kind of rally, and I liked that feeling. If the guy who spoke was up on stage every weekend preaching the gospel like he so shamelessly did, I would go to that church regularly. I left that day feeling like I wanted to bless him. I wanted to send him a check in the mail, a card filled with encouraging words because he had so lifted my spirits. That's what I want to experience when I go to church. I want to go home and talk about the sermon and how much it spoke to me.

I want a sense of community. I think we all long for that.

If a person who had not yet trusted Jesus with their life read my words, they might hate the church as much as I do, and I feel like, If someone is going to come to Jesus with their life, nothing I say or don't say will have any impact on that. God is bigger than my silly little blog, or my twisted, judgemental, or my bitter attitude sometimes.

I am learning how to have mercy. Please bare with me.

I want people to go to church, to go to youth groups, to open the pages of the bible and let the words soak into your heart and jump off of the pages, radically changing your life. Jesus is alive, the bible the most amazing tool that God has to speak to us and guide us. I did all of those things and I'm a whole different person now, and God is continuing to shape my thoughts to become more like his.

Dustin & I are currently asking God what he would have us do, where we will be the most useful to serve and live life with other believers, and we haven't found that place yet.

So if I've offended anyone in this blog, please excuse me, I'm just me. I'm going to continue to say what's on my mind. I don't write for anyone but me. It's a release, it's therapeutic and I have a few people who have jumped on my blog band wagon, so thank you for reading.

I love you

Jesus loves you more