November 16, 2003

One of my favorite things to do with Dustin is reminisce about when we first dated. I like to ask him to retell me the whole story of the night we met, what I was wearing, what we talked about, how we bonded over Elliot Smith and how I expressed to my friends (in a half drunken, giggly school girl kind of way) , my deep desire for my  kids to look just like him (totally not creepy at all for a girl who you barely know to tell all of her friends that she wants to have your babies...) ! I always ask him to tell me exactly what was going through his head when I planted a hot kiss on him unexpectedly in a room full of people because he was so delicious looking...(What a hoe-bag right??) I thought he looked just like John Meyer with his dark, curly, long hair sitting in the corner of the room playing his guitar, not caring who was listening, In his own little world (Or maybe he was just too shy to make eye contact with anyone, let alone the short girl with greasy hair pulled back in a bun, wearing sweats and no make up, talking loudly-annoying everyone. The girl whose Mom had to push her out of the front door insisting she go to the party so she might stop spending the  weekends at home like a hobbit and not be a depressed bump on a log- THANKS MOM!!) I can't help but make fun of him for asking me if i wanted to go "listen to music" in his truck. He was so trying to get me to go make out with him...which I so did, because I have so much class and all... I must not have looked that bad after all. I love to look at pictures of us when we first dated and what we were wearing...I like to think back to when we were both 18 & 19 and had no idea that we were about to fall madly in love.

I like that even back then, I saw something in him, and he saw something in me (under the dark cloud of me being so manic-depressive) that made him want to take me on dates, and stay up late watching movies and hold my hand walking through my neighborhood. 

At the time that we met, I was in no position to fall in love. I was transitioning through childhood to adulthood. It was rough. I needed a friend, not a boyfriend. I needed compassion and I needed him to tell me he wasn't going to give up on me or leave. I needed him to not want to have sex and make me feel like garbage, and he didn't. I wanted butterflies, I wanted love, I wanted something simple and complicated but not compromising. 

I was dealing with situations too big for my brain to comprehend. My Dad had just survived a brain aneurysm, I had a sibling who ended her life intentionally, and the closest person to my heart was dealing with an addiction and struggling to hold onto life and hold the family together. (I think the most difficult thing I've ever endured was watching my Mother hit rock bottom, and the most proud I've ever been was to watch her rise to the top and conquer life! I praise God for her life and her story many times. She is a true hero in my eyes. I wouldn't be me without her.) So this was the train wreck Dustin entered into....But he stuck with me and walked through many hard nights with me. 

He read me the bible over the phone countless times when I didn't have the strength to open the bible, or the faith to. He held my hand while I drifted off to sleep many nights while my face was still wet, mourning this life I was living...he held my hand and slept on my bedroom floor as I slept in my bed. He was so loyal. He was the best friend I ever had. He is responsible for pulling me close to Christ, and I am responsible for showing him who Jesus was in mybrokenness. He wasn't able to resist this God who he witnessed mending me back together. It was too evident, too real for him to question and he gave his life to the Lord. It was the perfect beginning to a life together that we didn't even see coming. 

I'm so glad I had it my way, and got to have his babies! 

More to come...