Monday, March 2

Baby Phat

For many years of my adolescents I cared far too much about how thin I was. I had a distorted view of my body as many girls my age did also. I knew girls who I cheered with who had eating disorders, I myself at one point struggled to maintain healthy eating habits. It is difficult being a gymnast and cheerleader for years especially for me because I was the girl being thrown in the air, and at 110 lbs, was one of the biggest flyers believe it or not. Society waves in front of our faces these false ideas of what sexy is, or what attractive is, or what is fashionable....and the key word is FALSE! It's fake, it doesn't matter and shame on me for measuring myself or finding value in these MEANINGLESS things because God could give two craps about any of it. I am here to make Jesus known, not make Chelsea Known....

Earth to Chelsea....It's not all about you!!! I love my God for how he redirects my thoughts when they become twisted.


I'll tell you why. Because to the root of my being, I am vein, I am prideful, I am consumed with material things, with what I portray to the world and I think everyone else gives a damn....and they don't. No one cares.

I am made in the image of God and if he tells me I'm beautiful, then by-golly, I sure am! But we so easily forget this as we go from day to day looking at celebrity magazines, and half naked woman on billboards.

I was about 6 months pregnant driving in the car with my husband and I was outraged at myself. I was adjusting to my ever growing body and was struggling with it. (For some strange reason, the smaller you are as a pregnant woman, the more credit you get from people. If you're huge at only 5 months, people scowl when you tell them that you're only 5 months, they'll argue with you and say "NO, YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY BE 5 MONTHS PREGNANT? ARE YOU SURE??" "Yes I'm sure, lady. Sorry that I'm not a rail, I'm carrying a baby who requires lots of bags of spicy lime Cheetos!" People are very judgmental to a pregnant woman's body. I should know, I was asked once if I was having twins early in my pregnancy, and I said NO, I'm just bloated and I eat whole pizzas now, not single slices thankyouverymuch!)

I've never been this size in my life, and I was angry at myself for EVER thinking I was fat at all before pregnancy. I told Dustin that I could literally punch myself in the face for thinking that I was anywhere near obese when I wore a size 0-2. I felt like a friggin idiot for always being so down on myself having the body God had given me. But society made me CRAZY to think this way, to have such low self confidence and think that I had such a terrible body. I'M BLAMING IT ON SOCIETY. I'm blaming it on myself for buying into the lie.

This weekend, I woke up at 6:30 and began my 6 hour "nesting" regiment. I'm not kidding, to Dustin's amazement i cleaned for 6 hours. It was INTENSE. I organized every junk drawer, got my vacuum attachments out and sucked every piece of lent or dust I could find. I did 3 loads of laundry, cleaned the toilets, ran the dishes, and organized my clothes (AND the baby's clothes) and the list goes on.... In organizing my clothes I came across a basket of jeans I had put away when I got preggers because I wouldn't be fitting into them anytime soon. I went through them and was so baffled that i called Dustin in. I held them up disgustedly in shock and shook my head....How in the world would I EVER fit into these amazing size 26 Rock and Republic jeans, or these incredible size 28 Joe's jeans?? How was I EVER this small, and WHY IN THE WORLD DID I EVER THINK I WAS FAT!?? Would I ever wear these again, and DO I even want to wear them again? Even at 40 lbs. more than what I usually weigh, my husband still finds me quite attractive. I've got more hips and he doesn't seem to mind at all....but will I?? Even if i lose every bit of weight I gained, I may still have widened hips from the baby making his way my body may not be the same no matter what.

I don't plan on lacing up my running shoes right after I pop this kid out, I'm more worried about producing milk and finding time to sleep than shedding the lb's. I know that getting into shape isn't easy and takes a lot of work. When I got engaged, I didn't diet, I've never dieted. But I abstained from ice cream, wine, chocolate etc. for a whole 7 months. I drank 2 protein shakes a day, I got up at 5 am and took my happy engaged self to the gym religiously, did 30 mins of cardio 3-5 times a week and lifted light weights. I saw a dramatic change in my body. I had endurance and strength and my legs looked great. I had never felt better about myself in my life. All in all i only lost about 9 lbs. But I toned up and could totally see a difference. I HAD ABS PEOPLE! REAL ROCK HARD ABS! AND YOU COULD LITERALLY BOUNCE A QUARTER OFF OF MY ASS....A REAL, I never actually bounced a quarter off of it, but I could have. It was hawt.

I had promised Dustin that I would get in shape healthily instead of using diet pills, barfing, starving etc. This time, I would do it the right way by exercise and sacrifice. I didn't get to enjoy the foods I normally enjoyed, & lost sleep from early morning workouts, but it was worth it. And he was proud of me, and I felt great wearing that wedding dress!

I say this because I'm looking at losing my "baby phat" with the same mind set....It's going to suck saying "NO" to the foods I love and not scarf down all of the sweets & wine that I so desire, but in order to achieve the body that I had before, (or one similar) I have to sacrifice. I have to put in the sweat and push myself or it will never happen.

Every woman seems to have that internal struggle with their body image. I know I'm not alone here. What are your thoughts and how have you conquered that little voice that says "Don't eat that bag of chips you big fat fatty! Eat celery sticks for breakfast lunch and dinner because you're a fat little fat-ass! You fatty!!"

That's what my voice tends to say.

1 comment:

  1. SOOO TRUE!! and can i just tell you how much i envy everything about you pregnant or not I think you are amazing.

    My best friend my whole life was 5'2 and 110 soaking wet, needless to say I have loathed my massive body since middle school. But then one day after hearing women talk about how their bodies used to be i decided I never wanted to have that day where I looked back at pictures of my now body and say why didn't i love my body, it was so cute! So now i just enjoy the cellulite and wings when i dance in front of the mirror :)

    love you hot mama!